Love Beyond The 50/50

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by durbano, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. Love Beyond The 50/50

    From the moment I met her, my beautiful bride has been a never ending source of strength and support; both spiritual as well as physical. Through her faith and love she has modeled the very picture of the lady of valor, a bride of noble character. It is rare that I can read Proverbs 31 without thinking of her; for in the same way as the lady of valor, my bride will forever stand as an example of love's selfless power. In this passage, the author speaks highly of this bride of noble worth. The lady cares for her family selflessly. She works hard and brings her husband good all the days of her life. She is robed in strength and dignity, and her children call her blessed. She is worth far more then rubies and has earned the confidence of husband. Then, in the midst of his praise, the author appears to divert and writes, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land (Proverbs 31:23).” At first glance it might appear as if the subject of the text has changed, leaving its purpose slightly ambiguous. However, when viewed in the context of all that the lady of valor contributes to her family, it is clear that his position is described as a direct reflection of the strength and dignity of his noble bride. This verse speaks about a man who through the support and love of his God fearing wife was able to achieve great stature amongst his peers. It does not speak of what he has achieved because of her; rather, it speaks of what he has achieved through her love, her sacrifices, and her hard work. All was surrendered for her family, and her family was blessed for it all.

    TThese days, when I hear people speaking about marriage I often hear them talk about fairness, compromise, finding the middle ground, meeting your spouse half way, going the extra mile, and splitting everything 50/50. They like to quote from famous authors, newspaper advice columns, Talk shows, and even radio broadcasts. In the end it sounds more like a business proposal than a marriage; “maximize our returns with minimal expenditure!” Now, allow me to add my own advice. If you freely surrender all, there will be no need to compromise. If you willingly meet your spouse where they are, you won’t have to find the half way point. And, if you learn to go the whole distance the first time, you’ll never need the extra mile to make up for lost ground. Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:2).” Christ did not compromise His love for us. There were no negotiations on the extent of His sacrifice compared to ours. No contracts signed, no deals bargained. We never met Him half way; instead, He met us where we were. His was the first and final move. The sacrifice He made was altruistic, without warrant, and free. It was God’s demonstration of ultimate love, that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).” There is no risk or danger in loving too much, no threat of peril or jeopardy for those who give without cost. Your resources will not run dry; your ability to love will not diminish. Thus, Paul encourage his readers, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies (Ephesians 5:25-28).” In other words, love, regardless of cost.

    Therefore, do not set limits; do not try leveling the field. For, beyond the 50/50, beyond the give and take, and beyond all the mutual conditions imposed for the sake of fairness and equality, there is a whole new world of love for those who venture past the middle ground. Ruth showed it to her mother-in-law, the lady of valor to her husband, and Christ to the church. My lady of valor, without respite or hesitation, has shown it to me for 10 wonderful years, and continues to do so. This love is the excess you find when your cup overflows, it is the abundance found when all has been given. It is the example of God’s love for mankind, and the charge of every husband to his bride. It is the love that can only be found when we choose to go beyond the 50/50. [mp]

    Copyright © 2007
    Michael D'Urbano
    All rights reserved
  2. Amen to that brother, if you want your marriage to last btoth should prefer the other in love.
  3. I really enjoyed your post Durbano.

    With being a divorced single woman now, and realizing now at this young age of 45.. that all along Mr. Right was right in front of me, The Lord, my life is even getting better!

    Your words of wisdom spoke so much truth.
    Thanks for sharing!

  4. My husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary June 30, 2007! Our children hosted a beautiful luncheon with over 40 people in attendance - extended family, old friends, etc.

    It can be done.
  5. marriage is a 50/50 thing.. but it takes 100% of me to be 50% of us.
  6. God has Blessed you Durbano. Very good thread. Congrats Granny G, I know very few couples to hae lasted that many years together.

    If God fulfills a person's desire to be married, God will bring the two together that are mean't to be by God, and all desires, affections etc will be imparted upon them for each other by God. One of the biggest stumbling blocks is not both keeping thier focus on what God epects of thier position, thinking and operating in the marriage.

    While its been said its 50/50, that is only from the stand point of a man and woman. It still takes 100% committment from both as noted by savetoGod, thru God, to become 1 flesh in God's sight.

    The love a couple shares for each other, should be the attraction of God demonstrated thru the other. Not false attractions of looks or "courting actions" as I like to call them, for both men and women will inadvertantly try to project the most fitting person the other will be attracted to, as learn more about each other.

    But, if each seeks God for fulfilling thier part in a marriage, God will guide them by the Holy Spirit, in a love for each other that cannot be broken, a committment and compassion that will last forever and no worldly lusts have any power against.

    Each will be greatly satisfied in God thru the unity God brings to them, for God's leading of each in all ways, to keep the other satisfied. God will provide for the loving and forgiveness of each and for each other, and accepting of faults, while convicting each and lead thru change, with the other's support, to bring them into unty more.

    Becoming "one flesh" is more than just physical or spiritual but both seeking God, that God will help them to move thier goals of thinking and operating for the best of the family, by way of reading God's Word seperately and together, time praying seperately to God for thier own positions in marriage, to times discussing and praying together for His guidance of them on decisions, and all members of the family at times as well. In short form, being brought together more as "one flesh"- (one body), in thinking and operating for God's best for them, not just each other or certain members.

    This is how the Godly man or Godly woman can achieve an incredible witness for God, that God will turn around and Bless the individuals as well as the couple and family as a whole, for such a good witness of God in all aspects.

    God Bless!!
  7. We just started our marriage June 21st.
  8. Many congratulations STC, and His blessing upon you.

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