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Loneliness and Waiting

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by handres, Sep 9, 2014.

  1. Hello, I just would like some advice. I don't know if there is really a straight answer in the Bible, but I could use some spiritual wisdom right now.

    3 years ago I entered a relationship (I had been baptized and all but I really had not been living as Christ, and I was blind to my sin) and it eventually led to us having sex. Both of us genuinely decided to follow Christ after a year and a half and we let the relationship go. We felt the Lord telling us to let it go. For the next year I struggled very much in my faith. Perhaps I thought it would be like Issac and Abraham. I though God wouldn't REALLY take us separate paths. I had always thought I was going to marry her. It was tough seeing her every day, but glory to God because I am stronger every day for it. Now, I know that she is not my future wife.

    When we let go of the relationship, it was in a way like losing a wife, because we had shared that spiritual intimacy ment only for marriage. I was extremely attached. So, maybe being led by the Spirit, I began reading all about marriage and God's intentions for it. I am in awe of its beauty and I mostly understand what God says about it.

    I struggle. A lot. I don't struggle with waiting till marriage to share that sexual intimacy, but with loneliness.
    I'm only 17, yes, but I have an intense desire to be married. I look at the young women around me and they aren't mature enough, and I can't support a wife anyways. I want to go to college.

    Anyways, I find myself seeking a wife. Every woman I meet I consider, and perhaps it's damaging my friendship with my sisters in Christ. I fear it may damage my relationship with God. Plus the loneliness is extremely unhealthy.

    I have all of this love stored within me and I have no object of my love. I long for the emotional and spiritual intimacy of a marriage. I understand what responsibilities marriage entails. I'm not concerned with sex. I don't want to get married to have sex, but I want to get married to become more like Christ, as marriage is like a refining fire, a mirror that shows you your sin that you hadn't seen before. It teaches you about your relationship with God, and together you can fulfill God's will on earth. It provides accountability, and kids! (yes, a 17 year old can want to be a father too)

    God said it is not good for man to be alone:

    Genesis 2:18 ESV
    Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

    yet, in 1 Corinthians it mentions we ought not to seek to be married:

    1 Corinthians 7:27 ESV
    Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

    Then again Paul later mentions that if passions burn, then it is better to marry:

    1 Corinthians 7:36 ESV
    If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.

    I just don't know how right/wrong it is for me to seek a wife. I do not have a "betrothed", so I guess this verse does not apply to me.

    Prayer is always helpful and assurance as well. Please, if God has given you the wisdom to help me, please share.

    Also, I want to ask that this topic be discussed ONLY by mature Christians with a very good understanding of God and the Bible. I'm not interested in what "the world" has to say about this. Marriage is sacred.
  2. your overarching goal is three fold:
    1. That God would prepare you to be the godly man that can marry the wife He is preparing for you
    2. That God would prepare the godly woman for you.
    3. That He closes all other doors.

    Its going to happen on His time and in His way.
    I know its not much consolation... but God has to prepare her, and he has to prepare you... and neither of you are ready yet.
    agua, New Man 78 and God is Love says Amen and like this.
  3. I think it is normal to want to have a wife, i'm 19 and know what you mean. Why wouldn't you want to be with the one you are meant to be with asap? The world obviously has a different opinion on all this, but i'm talking from a young Christian man's perspective. Anyways dude I think JohnC is right. Almost forgot to say, Welcome to CFS! You should make a welcome thread so you can introduce yourself to everyone :)
  4. I do not have that very good understanding of the Bible, but I think know a little about what is Justice, what is right thing to do first…

    I hope you can relate to a feeling of father of a daughter… of course, a father expects the best for his daughter... and the to be husband can support a family!
  5. Hey, been there, done that,
    all those girls at school, boy I was so in love with about a dozen especially at 17.
    and church girls, any girls, hey even the teachers.
    the problem is finding the RIGHT ONE. Some can come close, and you think boy I can really love this woman, even her kid/s, I can overlook
    this or that, but she isn't the right one.
    Do you want 10 out of 10 or 7 out of 10? cause i'm telling you 7 out of 10 might get you 5 or six years and a kid or two but it WILL END if you
    don't both put in, 10 out of 10 will still be a test, theres always tests, but should be good for 50 years.
    MAKE A LIST of what you want in a woman,
    blond, burnette, black hair, curly hair strait hair,
    bubbly or serious,
    plain or professional
    adventurious or studious
    motherly or ?
    or you could even leave it up to God, but you need to know what you want, you don't want God to give you a ham and pineapple pizza when really
    you wanted a supreme all the works.
    Some people say opposites attract, i'm more two peas in a pod, soul mates are like you not opposite to you.
    Does it work,
    hey I sat on a train on a random day in a random seat and my wife got on and sat next to me, that was 27 years ago. Never lived anywhere near her or even went to her church.
    And money, we were so poor the church put on the wedding for us, the reception was
    sandwiches, the minister was free, the photographer did it for free. Don't ever worry about money,
    if your praying and seeking God has a destiny for you, and its GREAT with all the bells and whistles.
    rookiepilot likes this.
  6. I always admire people who got married regardless of their financial status…

    OK, I kinda refer to that in my previous post, although I agree, what matter is one need to know what he wants...
  7. I think you are unnecessarily stressing yourself out by always asking yourself, "Could this be my future wife?" every time you meet a young lady. Why not let God choose your wife for you? I don't mean that you should become passive, make a hermit of yourself, and stay in your house until your future wife literally shows up at your front door. When you find the right one, you will need to pursue her. What I am suggesting is that you earnestly pray and ask God to give you wisdom and understanding of the kinds of things you should be looking for in a wife. You may find that as you get older and mature in your faith, certain character traits may start to appeal to you more and others that you thought were important may become less so. So ask God to help you know what you should be looking for, and to know it when you see her. God gave Esther favor in the eyes of a pagan king, surely he can give the right woman favor in your eyes if you are most concerned about obeying Him.

    The second thing to pray for is that God would mold you into the kind of man who can be a godly husband. The Bible calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, so obviously this is a very high standard. Keep seeking to learn more about God and His word, and grow in your faith.

    In other words, I more or less said the same thing JohnC said but in a lot more words...ask God to prepare you for marriage, ask God to prepare your future wife for marriage, and ask God to bring the two of you together. Then, when you feel yourself starting to ask the same old "Could this be the one?" question when you've just met someone, you can remind yourself that you already asked God to reveal that to you, and instead you can focus on letting Him shape you into the kind of man that your future wife will want to marry.

    Oh and by the way, you sound much more mature than I was when I was 17.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  8. I like an instruction said in this video from 13:35 to 14:45

    (just to lighten the topic :D)
    SparkleEyes, Where is the Messiah and agua says Amen and like this.
  9. " I have a job and a Bible you interested ? no ? next ! " :D
    SparkleEyes likes this.
  10. Only 17, had such an intense relationship already and so focused on getting married. WOW is all I can say. These are things that are more appropriate for someone older....the vast majority of 17 year olds are NOT mature enough to handle these kinds of experiences.

    Please try to do what 17 year olds are supposed to do. Get help to not focus on identifying and getting a spouse. How do you know you are ready for marriage or a serious relationship (just cuz you had one doesnt mean you are)? Do some growing up, some maturing, go be a KID because you are a KID.

    Spend time and effort to become a man of God, a mature young man, learn how to be a teenager, then a young adult, a worker, a friend - become a man a woman wants to marry. I am not sure there are many 17 year olds out there who are marriage material.

    Yes, I will probably get pushback on my post.
  11. 2:06 to 5:43
    SparkleEyes and Robine say Amen and like this.
  12. That was POWERFUL. Thank you so much for sharing this!
    Where is the Messiah likes this.

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