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living with an unrepentant spouse

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by BoldforChrist, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. living with an unrepentant spouse

    This is for those who have or have had to live with unrepentant spouses. I would really like to hear from those in this situation and know how the Lord is leading you in your lives to continue to be a Godly witness to them. This is not for people with opinions about how it should be done. It's easier to say how to live it than to actually live it out. This is a thread for those who have been there or are going through it.

    Please feel free to take off the masks and share with others how to get through those days, when you are doing everything you can to just keep your mouth closed and pray.:israel:
  2. This did not happen to me personally but to my father-inlaw. He got saved and his wife used to curse him, throw stuff at him, humiliate him and anything else she could do to make his life a horror. He just kept pressing in and serving Christ, showing love and walking His walk.
    Today he is a minister and while she has passed away she came to Christ on her death bed. God works all things of the good and I am not convinced she would have been saved any other way.
    Praise Jesus.
  3. I would say that my ex husband was unrepentant. He was raised in the old Pentecostal ways, and when he hit teenager age, he ran full force in the opposite direction. I was not born and raised in church so therefore we were not living the way God would be pleased.

    When we met at age 18, we got pregnant and ended up marrying after my daughter was born. It wasn't until my daughter was around 2 years old when I finally gave in to God and gave Him a chance. My husband did also and our life changed. For a short time.

    We started going to church, accepted Christ in our lives and our whole world was flipped inside out--so much I had never experienced so much joy in my life.

    I grew, he did not. The more I learned and grew in the Word and began participating in an online ministry and counseling and bible college, the more he slipped away. He was very independent and knew how to get out and make money to support me in bible college and our two children in private school.

    It seemed the further I grew in one direction he grew in the other. I prayed and tried to be the best submissive supporting wife I could, yet it still pushed him farther away. I felt like it was my place as a Godly wife to allow my husband to lead in supporting his family and it was my place to raise the children. He even admitted to me after a year of walking in forgiveness from his drug induced weekends and didn't come home for days, that he couldn't understand how it was easy for me to submit myself to God totally.

    After a point of him choosing to not return hom, living with a stripper and continue in drugs after 4 years of counselling at our church with the assistant pastor, it was over.

    I beat myself up for a while not understanding how this could happen.

    At any rate, our marriage ended in divorce and he's now currently serving time in jail for his drug trafficking. It was a long 10 years of marriage, and I probably would have continued to try to make it survive if he would have come back, but he didn't and wanted the divorce.

    Now, he's been in jail for 3 years. He is looking at parole in May and has been corresponding back and forth between myself and the children. He seems to have piped down on all the "religeous talk" and more realistic conversation regarding his repentence. Time will tell.

    It was the hardest 4 years I have ever experienced trying to make something work but one thing held true, and that was that God was with me through it all. Not giving up is important. Continuing in prayer and quietness was what worked for me. We cannot be our spouses Holy Spirit either.

    I can only encourage anyone going through anything like this to seek Godly council together, pray and keep yourself in God's Word. :)
  4. My ex-husband was unrepentant to death. He had no use for God, he cursed God, he would challenge God. I remember one time, he was telling someone in the house not to do something. Then he said, "If God comes down and tell you different from what I told you, tell Him to come see me." He would say terrible things like that. He also hated Jews with a passion. When you ask him why, he could not tell you. He would get very defensive and go off. I still think that he was possessed.
    I ministered and ministerd to that man. I kept him lifted in prayer asking God to save him and change his heart. I remember ministering to him one day and got him on his knees to say the sinners prayer. He rose up off the floor and said something to the effect that he would kick God's butt. I knew he was not sincere and did not mean or believe what he said. It finally got very bad and he threw away all the bibles in the house, got rid of everything that had anything to do with God. He then told everyone in the house that he better not see anybody praying. I stood up and told him, "you can remove every book, every bible in the house. But you will never stop me from praying to my God. I told him that I could whisper a prayer and God would hear me, I could think a prayer and God is going to hear me. But nothing you can do would ever separate me from God. I still remember that day. I don't know if I had a look on my face or what but he got very quiet and returned all the bibles and books to the house. I knew that was nothing but God because I stood up for my faith. I stayed in prayer, I stayed in the word. I would go to the bathroom many a days and fall on my knees crying and ask God how long, how long. I ask God to strengthen me every morning. Another thing I had to learn was to know when to be quiet. My mouth would escalate a lot of things because I had to learn when to shut my mouth and not let words bother me. So, I prayed for God to control my tongue. For every evil that he did, my response was kindness. I just stayed in prayer and in the word every night and I waited patiently on the Lord until He said, "time to leave." Because I waited on God, he had all the provisions ready for me.

    So, I say all of that to say, stay in prayer, and stay in the word. Look up scriptures that pertain to how you are feeling and meditate on them. Stay in prayer and keep you husband in prayer. God will move in the right time.

    Hope this helps you and I will keep you in prayer. You are right, unless you have gone through it or going through it, you just can't imagine how it feels.

  5. Thank you all who responded and I hope that more that are experiencing it will tell their stories. So many times we keep silent because we don't think anyone will understand what it is like. But, I thank you for your prayers more than I can say!
  6. Please keep praying for me. It is getting worse. My Pastor says that's usually when their under conviction. All I know is he is so unrepentant and his heart is getting harder. It's really hard to live with him daily. I know that this is a spiritual war. Please keep praying for him to open up his spiritual eyes and that I would keep my hands off of it.
  7. :groupray:Keep your eyes on Jesus and we will believe together for a miracle.
  8. BoldforChrist, say this prayer for your husband each day believing and expecting God to answer and He will...

    Father, it is written in Your Word, "First of all, then, I admonish and urge that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgiving be offered on behalf of all men: (I Tim. 2:1 amp).

    Therefore, Father, we bring the lost of the world this day---every man, woman, and child from here to the farthest corner of the earth--before You. As we intercede, we use our faith, believing that thousands this day have the opportunity to make Jesus their Lord.

    Father, we know that Satan would prevent these from hearing truth, if possible. We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods. We use God's mighty weapons to knock down the devil's strongholds. with these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God. With these weapons we conquer their rebellious ideas and teach them to obey Christ.

    We ask the Lord of the harvest to thrust the perfect laborers across these lives this day to share the good news of the Gospel in a special way so that they will listen and understand it. We believe that they will not be able to resist the wooing of the Holy Spirit, for You, Father, bring them to repentance by Your goodness and Love.

    In Jesus name and by His authority we pray....AMEN

    Scripture References:

    I Timothy 2:1-2
    2 Corinthians 10:3-5
    Matthew 9:38
    Romans 2:4

    Stay in prayer sister. With some people it may take a while before they submit to God's Son Jesus. But all your praying is not in vain. God heard and is still hearing every last cry you make for your husband. Don't give up as God did not give up on us and is still intercessory praying for us. I've been there and know your pain. Don't give up....You keep praying and expecting everyday.....

  9. 20 years and still unrepentant

    Well, this marriage is coming to a close. I am at the point that I am looking forward to being finished with this way of living. I don't look forward to the details of getting it finished. But, I know it is time to let go and let God restore my heart and help me to move on. The depression over his non repentant heart is coming to a close. He does not hear me and I cannot go back to pretending that he isn't lying and cheating in hopes he will feel convicted and repent and it be better. Please pray that I continue to seek the Lord even in the details of it all. That I would not listen to the enemy of my soul. I don't want to have bitterness over any of it.

    My health is shot, my marriage is done, my 2 daughters and 1 step son are lost and in the world. 1 daughter who is serving the Lord and the enemy is after her also. Please lift us up in prayer that we will perservere to the end!:smiley40:
  10. [​IMG]

    Keep strong in the LORD sister, HE has promised us good things, to those that wait upon HIM, keep waiting, watching and praying, hugs and love to you..
  11. Sister,

    I am so sorry to hear that your marriage is coming to an end. But God is willing and able to restore your life. Ask God for wisdom through this time and help you make the right choices.

    Let's pray:

    Father, You said if anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of You, Who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. Therefore, I ask in faith, nothing wavering, to be filled with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. Today I incline my ear unto wisdom, and I apply my heart to understanding so that I might receive that which has been freely given unto me.

    In the name of Jesus, I receive skill and godly wisdom and instruction. I discern and comprehend the words of understanding and insight. I receive instruction in wise dealing and the discipline of wise thoughfulness, righteousness, justice, and integrity. Prudence, knowledge, discretion, and discernment are given to me. I increase knowledge. As a person of understanding, I acquire skill and attain to sound counsels (so that I may be able to steer my course rightly).

    Therefore, I will walk in paths of uprightness. When I walk, my steps shall not be hampered---my path will be clear and open; and when I run, I shall not stumble. Wisdom will keep, defend, and protect me. According to my faith, I thank You for your everlasting love for Your children. I am claiming and thanking You right now for delivering me and my family. In Jesus name I pray....AMEN

    Sis, may I suggest that you still say that prayer I wrote awhile back in post # 8 for the salvation for Your husband and your children.

    God bless,

  12. Thank you for your prayers! I am in need of them especially right now. I know the Lord is going to deliver me. Just as he did with the children of Israel! And I will give the Lord all the praise, honor and glory for it.
  13. I am currently married to an unrepented spouse. It is very difficult and many times divorce popped up.

    I saw pics of him with beautiful girls in nightclub in his Conputer and once found porn materials, downloads and searches too. When I asked him, his reply was every man in church has porn in the computer what's wrong with it?

    Bear in mind, he appears to be a strong Christian in cell and church, he once played piano for the church although he has stopped serving altogether now.

    He constantly is unhappy with everything and is a sex addict. He would blame me for his miserable sex life (even though we have it twice a week) and now that I'm pregnant he has been restless and kept blaming me again for his sucky sex life.

    I dont know how to cope and how to deal with him as he always hurt me over and over again, and not showing any signs of empathy. He is really to fight with me full force whenever I tried to talk to him about how I feel. And Everytime we argue, he would thrash the marriage and also his faith in God, repeatedly saying his life sucks.

    I prayed and seek God but I really dont know when my help will come and will he ever change.

    It is very very difficult.

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