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Living Together

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Luisa, Jul 2, 2012.

  1. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and living with my fiance for 3 years. If/when we get married I loose military medical benefits from my former spouse of 21 years - which I was a home-maker during that time. I have no educational degree or working career and am having a very difficult time finding a job. I feel guilty for living with him and fear getting married because of my losses (he does not have insurance either and is self employed)

    I love him and am faithfully committed to him (we are to eachother).

    What can you tell me? I am listening...
  2. This is difficult to answer :) . There are many questions like, how did you get into this predicament? Why after 3 years do you want to get married? Why divorced?

    Scripture does say we should not fornicate, but it also says that we cannot be saved by works. Ultimately if we have changed or once more want to live all-out for Him, He will deliver us from evil. Grow closer with prayer, good church attendance and perhaps even fasting until He tells you to take a leap of faith or shows you a way out.
  3. Thanks for the advice!
  4. If don't mind me ask how old are you two? Do you have any plans at all to get married?
  5. I am 50 and he is 45. Yes, we do plan on getting married. I have a hard time because I have great military benefits from my ex - until I get married. Then I loose them all
  6. Just thinking about it more. The thought of living with someone outside of marriage makes my spirit sick, irrespective of the situation or age. It is fornication, that is the bottom line. There may be levels of fornication but however good our intentions are, it is not good. Our reputation is badly tarnished. I am sure if you searched hard you could make another plan.
    nijikon likes this.
  7. It's an odd situation, in a way. On the one hand, you are observing the letter of the law by not getting legally married, which allows you to use your ex's health benefits. On the other hand, you are invoking the spirit of the law by saying you are in a committed relationship, implying that that is as good as a formal marriage. You call him your fiance', which means you are engaged to be married, but you are living with him as if you were already married. You can't quite commit fully to the marriage, because you're hanging onto something from your previous relationship. You are violating your own conscience out of fear of what you may lose. This looks to me like a rather tenuous and shaky foundation for a relationship. In essence, you are using a kind of deception by representing yourself to the insurers as unmarried, yet representing yourself as married in the way you live.

    The question I have is, can God bless such a relationship? Is this an arrangement of truth and trust with God as its foundation?
    calvin likes this.
  8. First and foremost fellow saint, the bible says to abide faith hope and love but the greatest of these is LOVE. The power of love is what motivates us as christians to be obedient. It motivated God so powerfully that He gave His only Son to die for our sins. The love that you have for each other has motivated you to bring up your question. The love i have for all of God's children, including you, has motivated me to be very stern in my response. Living together prior to marriage not only should not be a christians choice but also disrupts one's ability to clearly see all the things that God has for us. (those wonderful joyous things that can make life so wonderful and can and will give one the peace that surpasses all understanding) I, too, have too many times moved in with a fiancee. How did that work out for me? It did'nt. Understand? Love Jesus and be obedient.
    nijikon likes this.

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