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Law court jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by sky, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Law court jokes

    [FONT=&quot]These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    [/FONT]



    [FONT=&quot]Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    [/FONT]


    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
     
  2. Thanks I needed a really good laugh and you provided it.
    Ray
     

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