Justification For Marrying A Non-christian (new Insights)

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by nijikon, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. (A issue that is burning deeply in me. I tried to make this as concise as possible. I'm appreciate those who read till the end.)

    I wish to revisit the prospect of marrying a non-Christian (non-C). I KNOW that the Bible is very clear on this. Please bear with me as I share my circumstances with the hope of gaining some insight from those who sympathize me - a Christian, 29, faithful to the Bible to date who is looking for that one exception to make his life a little more varied before he dies. (yes, there's a dying element in my reasoning)

    From the angle of TIME:

    Let's be honest here. The prime time of me meeting C girls is long gone. I'm 29 this year and am well suited in my church. There were times when I was judged for church hopping just to meet new C girls and when I supposedly wanted a C girl just because she's a virgin.

    In today's world of sex, any good looking well established guy will get immediately judged as someone who just wants to hook up. (Please look at my resume at the bottom as proof that I'm NOT such a guy) I AM JUST SICK OF THAT! So I'm just screw it and STOP continuing what the world perceives as a desperate C girl hunt. This means the number of new C girls I'll meet by chance is probably 1 or 2 a year.

    Quick math: I should get married by 35, which means meeting her by say 33, which means she'll be 1 out of the say 8 C girls I mean. Hmmm ... good odds? (sarcastic)

    From the angle of STATISTICS:

    Assuming that the probability of me meeting a C girl is statistically very low, I'm faced with two alternatives - 1. go through my life as a single serving God, 2. go through my life married to a non-C serving God.

    Consider for a while that there are more C guys than there are C girls. So it's statistically impossible that every C guy to obey the Bible and marry a C girl. Since there are non-C girls whom I suspect might be good marriage partners, why not I "give" these other C guys a pass and not negate them a go at the C girls.

    From the angle of GOD's WILL:

    Now, a very common counter argument from others, which honestly I'm pretty sick of hearing, is that God makes everything perfect in His time. What these others failed to realize is that I have been waiting patiently on the Lord. Hello!

    Moreover, I can easily turn the argument against them and say what if what's perfect to God is that I remain single and serve Him. HAVE THEY NOT THOUGHT ABOUT THAT? Frankly, these others who are happily married simply don't understand the difficulties of finding a partner with that ONE strict conditions AS GIVEN BY the Bible - the person is of the same level of faith as you.

    And if the church preaches following the Bible, please don't ever ask me to not worry about that condition.

    From the angle of DEATH:

    Finally, I'm trying to frame my mind in thinking that the end is near. While you may think I'm crazy, my reasoning comes as a tangent from the Bible actually saying that "end times are near". It's funny. In an attempt to justify how my journey of obeying the Bible and saving myself for that one girl may not have a reward in the end, I've been comfortable with one thing - Death. It's as though I'm looking for a reason why I won't have these rewards on earth; I'll have them in Heaven. Seen in that way, Death isn't such a fearful thing after all. (Philippians 1:21-23)

    Therefore, maybe my supposed reward of a blissful marriage life with a C girl will not come in this lifetime. If that's accepted as true, I can't see the negative in marrying a girl I genuinely like but is a non-C.

    [ (OPTIONAL) A resume of my obedience to God as it pertains to relationships - 1. I'm still a V and waiting for marriage for sex, for moral and biblical reasons, 2. I've passed up on sex once, 3. I've passed up on three relationships with non-C whom I like, 4. I've passed up on a relationship with a hormonally charged catholic.

    Please do not take this as me bragging. I just want to as accurately as possible present who I am - someone who has thus far obeyed the Bible, even if it's motivation is at least following it's law. ]

    Thank you for reading thus far. Any comments are appreciated.

    Nijikon (fake name)
  2. and outside appearance further reduce the numbers...
  3. If you allow the possibility for non-C, you'll increase the numbers. Argued a different way, given the numbers, it's more likely for me to not find a C girl than to find one suitable for me.

    I discussed it with my friend. It's simply the sin in the world that has made the group of C girls that small. Yes, my spiritual side believes that God can do anything. But my physical side needs to come to turns with the reality of the situation, most of which is an outcome of the sin in the world.
  4. Other way is to increase geography then, there’s a lot here in Asia : )
  5. Am referring to Christian ladies, equally yoke makes sense… that's plain mathematics on agreeing on commonality/ harmony…
  6. aha, I'm not sure whether the smiley emoticon was an attempt to introduce some humor in this matter. I might laugh with you. But if I do, it's partly because I'm resigned to the fact that there just aren't enough C girls to marry. And yes, I am in Asia ( think HK, TW or SG ) and no, the situation is not any better.

    I agree that equally yoke makes sense. I was yearning for that to date. Now, the plain mathematics says that finding someone suitable to be equally yoked with is highly improbable.
  7. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

    Marriage is a difficult road for the uncommitted. Why start out incompatible? Do you believe God? Do you believe what He says? If not, do what you want. If you do, then you have only one choice. Wait for the one God has for you.
    AllieWi likes this.
  8. My friend is in an on again off again relationship with a non-believer. She's always miserable-- it's tough to watch.
  9. Abdicate and AllieWi, you are mentioning something I already know. Hidden somewhere in my original concise post is a part where I said the Bible is very clear on us C's being equally yoke with our spouses. Thus the choice word of "varied", not right, not better, not blessed, to describe a life married to a non-C.

    The purpose of this thread is to discuss the new insights I've been having.

    Basically the choice is this - 1. stay single and serve God or 2. have a so so life married to a non-C and still serve God. 1 would be the biblically correct choice while 2 would not be the wiser choice but it'll be the one leading to a more varied life.

    And before someone replies "God will make a way.", please consider this. I am NOT denying anything is possible with God. Anything is. I'm acknowledging that Sin is in the world, which safe to say we all agree. And it is this Sin that has made it close to statistically impossible for me to marry a C. Just like how God couldn't prevent all debauchery in the OT, He could not prevent all the sexual sins inflicted on C and non-C girls thereby making the number of those who believe in the faith that much smaller.

    This is a very macro view of thinking about it. But when I slowly piece together my argument, it actually makes a convincing argument why I'll probably not marry a C.
  10. Faith is the currency of heaven. I waited on the Lord. I had a car accident and from the monies from the lawsuit I went to visit my high school pen-pal in Spain. I was 23 and when I got there I found out she became a Christian - in a country 99% catholic! Three days later I asked her to marry me. We've been married 23 years now with wonderful kids. When the statistics are against you, that's when God does His best work. Have faith and wait on the Lord.
    AllieWi likes this.
  11. Oh wow that is beAutiful!!!
  12. My friend, love is not math. It works like this: 1. You pray for God everyday for a suitable partner. 2. He gives you that partner. Because he's already set someone for you.

    And also, marrying a non-C is either suicide or a relationship that ends miserably. I know because of my parents.
  13. Thanks Allie :)
  14. What I hope is to introduce a component which gets overlooked by those who use the faith argument to simply say God will send a C to a faithful C in His time. Yes, blessings can come to those who have faith. But sometimes, there just aren't enough blessings just like how there aren't enough safe and danger free homes for those CHRISTIANS in developing parts of the world.

    Thus, an analogy.

    So it got me thinking, other than a spouse, what is the next big thing a C could ask for which would aid him greatly in ministry. Okay ... how about learning piano. Perhaps somewhere in a village in Africa, a C (call him village-C) prays everyday to posses a piano and have the opportunity to practice everyday.

    Can God bless him with that? Sure. Did God bless every village-C in that circumstance with a piano? No. Is the life of village-C ruined? No. He goes off to do his tribal dance. Does not blessing village-C a piano imply God loves him less? No. Key part: does playing piano makes village-C life more varied and exciting? Sure does.

    When we hear stories of that one or two village-C's who went to New York to being a Christian musician, we are quick to proclaim God's blessings. As for the other thousands of faithful village-C's, we say their lives too are blessed, just in other ways. You don't have to become a Christian musician to experience the fullness of God's blessings.

    Why is it then, we are so afraid to admit that some faithful C's will most likely never get to marry another faithful C and have a blissful marriage but will be blessed in other ways?
  15. " Varied and exciting, blissful…."

    Not a near definition, adjectives to use for Love, in my opinion....

    As I understand, and I agree with, marriage is likened by Paul, similar to what Jesus Christ has shown to the Church.
  16. Think of the adjective to describe Love. Okay use that.

    The adjective used has no connection to the conclusion I'm trying to establish - there just isn't enough opportunities for C's to follow Bible and marry a C just like how there isn't enough opportunities for C's to draw closer to God through what they hope is a change in their current circumstance, which for the sake of argument, requires a geographical shift.
  17. How about this "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." - 1 Corinthians 7:8.

    If marriage is that which Christ has shown the church, an argument might go Christ will bless those C's who faithfully wait for another C to marry so as to extend his Kingdom. Well, it is also said that it is good to stay unmarried. Again, coupled with the fact that the spread of Sin has made it progressively difficult for a C and C marriage to take place, why do we so easily take it for granted that those C's will ultimately be blessed with a C spouse?

    When I look at happy C and C couples on Facebook, I am not envious at all, I'm really not. Instead I am joyful for that is one C and C couple which worked under God's will. How I respond after that is accepting the fact that there are probably another ten C's faithfully waiting for another C, which my argument says would not happen.

    I, for one, am accepting either fates with equal anticipation.
  18. How about the angle of faith?

    Looks like you have about zero.

    The plan of God is the utmost important thing we can do on this planet. We have no other reason for being here once we are saved (Born again) We would believe God to send someone that not only matches the Plan for us being the man, but is also a help meet. We also would be the best match for them so they can do what the Lord has called them to do.

    There should be no other considerations or angles you call it to look at.

    Faith will move mountains (Literally if God has to, to get something he promised over to us) God will darken the sun, shake the earth to uphold his word for someone that believes him unwavering.

    Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

    Psa 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.

    Two words from the Lord right there that will change everything for them that believe.

    So instead of all this figuring out angels and worldly reasoning, do what Jesus said do. We do what he says do, we get the results He said we will get.

    Mar 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

    Lord, you said in your Word that those that find a wife obtain your favor. Your plan and purpose for my life is the most important thing to me. I am asking you Lord to put the right girls in my path that know you by which I can choose and best suited to be a help meet for me and your plan. You said Lord that if I find a wife, I obtain favor of you, so they will be the best wife you have given for me to choose. My wife loves you and serves you, putting you first Lord. I thank you Father that you said you will perfect those things that concern me.

    I receive that wife by faith right now in the name of Jesus. I call myself married and happy to a women who loves you Father and obeys you. If anything be in me that I need to change to have this perfect wife, I ask you to show them to me clearly as you said anything I be not perfect minded in, you will reveal those things to me and prepare to to care for this girl whom you have sent.

    I settle this right now and consider it done. In Jesus name.

    Meditate on this, get it in your spirit, learn to receive. If I were God, I would not send one of my best daughters to a man with no faith. God loves his daughters also. Get it fixed.

  19. I agree with the prayer of MichaelH. What if God were to bring you a Christian girl now and either she or you weren't ready and great problems arose as a result of it? What if by waiting and seeking God you and the Christian girl grew in the Lord and then were able to have a much more committed and wonderful relationship? Would you rather wait and have the better relationship? I understand that you want someone now and am sympathetic to that, however your statistics and thinking from the world show that you aren't ready for God to give you a wife. If you want a wife from God you need to believe God for it. If you are believing the possibilities in the world then you are not in faith so why do you expect anything from God, for God gives from faith, not fear.

    Have you asked what God's will for you regarding this is? If you are afraid of the answer, you won't be able to hear God, even if his answer is that he has a wife for you. You can only hear God from faith, not from doubt and fear. If in faith when the real opportunity approaches, you won't miss it, because you will be able to hear God for direction and will take the direction at the right time.

    Do you trust that God knows what will make you most content and happy? He designed you and knows you better than you do. Be willing to trust him with this first. Ask God for contentment and happiness first. Then when you have that ask for a wife. This way you won't block anything good that God has for you by a lack of faith.

    God is not ignoring your needs. He loves you and knows them. Trust him so you can hear what he is saying. Don't make the assumption that is will be bad news, so you don't listen. Trust God and you will find that he will fill your loneliness with his perfect plan for your life. God will fill your loneliness if you trust him.
    MichaelH likes this.

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