Just Need To Clear My Head

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by HeadSpin, Dec 7, 2013.

  1. Hi,
    Bear with me, long story, but shows the complication in my head.

    So i went to a new church a year ago looking to re-invigorate relationship with God but also meet new people. Went with at the time a close mate who was reluctant to go, but came along for the ride anyway. He is a few years older than me, and along with myself, he is single. Therefore it is only natural that we are looking for partners.
    We met a group of 3 nice girls which we gelled well with and hang out a bit. This one girl caught my eye but unfortunately so did my mate (Girl 1). He wanted to catch up with her and see if things worked, so being the nice guy, i said i kinda like her, but go ahead. Meanwhile (girl 2) it appears had something for me, although i wasnt attracted to her in return. Time went by, mate was trying with this girl, things werent working but I seemed to get along with her fine. My mind was thinking that things would probably work out alright with Girl 1 if i gave it a go, but gave my word to mate, so didnt do anything.
    I got along fine with Girl 2, and i think the others were trying to set me up with her, but it just wasnt there for me.
    Also meanwhile, (Girl 3) started to catch my eye, so tried to pursue her in some sense, but nothing over the top, catching up a few times etc, all genuine attraction and friendship, but never expressed my feelings about her as i knew that this probably didnt work. Note that i value my friendships and loyalty highly, so wouldnt do anything to break friendship with any of these 3 girls that i got a long with well. In what i thought was a friendly chat at the time, i told Girl 1 that Girl 3 had caught my eye. Girl 1 and 3 are best friends, so i assume most of what happens is shared between the two.

    My mate keeps to himself though, so i wasnt sure what was going on. I then find out he has been pursuing a girl online\overseas to the point that he cancelled a holiday with me some other friends to go visit her instead. Leaving me thinking, well if i had've known this earlier, i would have pursued Girl 1.
    After finding out about my mate, this really peeved me as it made things difficult to pursue Girl 1 without possibly ruining friendship with all 3.
    Now over a year after I met these friends, and a few months after the above debacle, i feel that the time has passed on pursuing Girl 1, and Girl 2 is most likely just friend material. I am good friends with all 3, however not to the point where i can openly talk about these relationship issues. I didnt pursue Girl 1 earlier as my head was messed up with still being attracted to Girl 3, and being pissed off at my mate.

    Am I being too precious about making both my intentions and feelings known to Girl 1 knowing that it could ruin or set back a friendship, who in the back of my head has been the one ive been attracted to the most all along?
    Should i take a step back and enjoy some new friends to clear my head?
    - My mate was MIA for a long time after the incident happened, and now i hear he is trying to catch up with Girl 1 again.
    Any advise or thoughts?

    Kudos to anyone who does actually read through this and give and advice. Glad i can clear my head (have told this to a few friends who are separated from the issue, but wanted to see what other opinions are out there)
  2. IMO: Pray to become a good Christian husband, before pray for good Christian wife.

    Once one knows what it means to become a good Christian husband: one will know what it means by Paul letters to “love your wife”……

    Once one knows what it means “to love your wife”….

    Who to pursue will be easier…. : )
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  3. Head spin, don't close yourself to any potential romantic relationship with any of the 3 girls, a good marriage is built on a good friendship. But at this stage of the game, never mind with your mate, pursue girl #1.
  4. Agree. Also, don't close yourself to potential relationships with girls who are not one of the 3. God can have wonderful
    surprises in store for us that are totally unforeseen.
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  5. This reminds me of a joke.

    A man was dating 3 women and he decided it was time to settle down to just one. He gave each of the three women $5,000 to test them and see what they would do with the money.

    The first woman spent all the money buying nice clothes and getting a make-over to look good for the man.

    The second woman spent all the money buying gifts for the man.

    The third woman invested all the money and earned more than twice the money, and gave $5,000 back to the man.

    When all was done, the man finally choose the women with the largest breast.

    The moral of the story, don't be like ^ this guy, but perhaps test these women to see how faithful they would be to you.
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  6. Sounds like the dilemma I had when I met my wife!!

    GO FOR HER!!!! Pick up the phone now and arrange a dinner / coffee. Speak to her face to face immediately!!!!!!!

    NO drama and wishy washy nonsense!! Get straight to the point and be honest. ''I liked you alot from day 1. Held myself back because I respect my friend. My friend is bad and having seeing more of you (girl 1), I now know that my suspicions / feelings of / for you from the start were correct and hence I do not want to see you getting hurt and me not saying what I feel''. She says, fine but she doesn't feel the same way. Move on and find girl 4. She says 'yes she feels the same way'. Then I think you have met your wife! Girl 2 and 3 can be friends. Get the girl you want! Just make sure that she loves Jesus first!! Nice girls who don't are shortly...Prov 11:22.

    Good luck, praying for you!!
  7. #7 aha, Dec 10, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2013

    Thanks we are not disagreeing about bible verse King J : )

    BUT….. Boys needs to respect a girl’s intuition, they know better!

    A girl wants to be the first choice!
    She will sensed that she was passed on for a what, a friend?
    More so, if one knew the friend is “bad”, the girl’s intuition will say: why let him instead in the first place!

    Just a tip what to say to the friend, if one is knows what he wants:

    Friend, I know we are both interested with the same girl, we want the best for her…. may the best man wins….
    KingJ likes this.
  8. I'm not sure if my answer is the most ethically sound answer, but as far as I know, calling dibs on a girl is part of the Bro Code, and under that unspoken code, calling dibs on a girl gives you a head start, but does not give you exclusive dating rights. Your buddy has had his head start, and he hasn't made any progress. It's possible that they will never be compatible. So give it a go with her. Your buddy has had all the time in the world, and if he hasn't been able to do it by now, chances are he never will. He should hopefully respect you for giving him the head start, but also respect that you have needs too. Good luck dude!
  9. My opinion, lay it out to Girls 1 just like you did here (with the addition of their actual names, make it clear it is her and her friends) and let her tell you if it's a go or no go. Communication is usually best.

  10. Tell 1 and 3 to fight over you in a boxing match.
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  11. Lmao! Nice answer Intojoy! I would pay good money to watch two girls fight over any guy!!!

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