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I've made a mistake, and my love life is destroyed.

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Cilio, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. First of all, I'm sorry for my English, I'm French but I'll do my best. I think it is the only forum I've found that can help me.

    I need to tell you my story, it is kind of sad, I guess, and I need some advice.

    I'm 18, and in my life I've had only one boyfriend, unfortunately it lasted only 3 months, I thought it was going to be a durable relationship, but I soon realized I wasn't in love anymore, and I just couldn't be with him anymore, so I left him, 2 months ago.
    During these 3 months, I've made a terrible mistake, we had sex : I hadn't though about the consequences, I was in love, I was stupid, and I will regret this all my life.
    Now we're not together anymore, so it's even worse. I've been praying every evening since, and I will keep doing this because I really want to tell God I'm sorry for this mistake.

    When we left each other, I managed to spend some time with my friends. I felt like I hadn't seen them for years.
    Many months before I started a relationship, I was in love with one of my best friend. I had to stop because our friendship was too great to be destroyed. And since two weeks ago, I feel like those feelings are coming back.
    He is a christian, and he is really serious about it, I love this part of him, and I try my best to be as involved as him within the church. He's really protective with me. When I started my relationship with my ex, he explained me his feeling about this and God. I told me that he though that maybe, God had made other plans for me, that I should have waited a little more before starting a relationship : he was so right ! I wish I had listened to him at this time.

    My problem is that I am not a virgin anymore, and he can't know this. I've already disappointed God, I don't want to disappoint my best friend.
    Right now he doesn't have to know, we're not together, and that's why we won't ever be together, and that makes me so depressed. I have never felt like this before : it is like I know he's the man I need in my life. But I can't tell him the truth, so we can't start anything.
    I know I've ruined something, and I regret it so much. Maybe I've ruined my life, maybe more.

    I need some advice, because I don't know if I have to stop loving him right now, if I can wait and see, I don't know.

    I've already asked questions to a pastor, not about the whole story, just about my terrible mistake. He helped me understand that God will always be able to forgive me for this, as long as I regret. Maybe you have another point of view, feel free to tell me.

    Thank you.
  2. Christ forgives. If your friend is a Christian and Christ-like then he should forgive too.

    As far as you having sex outside of marriage here is some advice. I've heard old pastors who have said they would never be alone with the opposite sex except with their wives. It's not they have any intentions of committing adultery but the devil is like a lion prowling and waiting to devour. It's not worth the risk.
    I think 1 Cor 6 singles out sexual immorality for a reason, because its dangerous and very easy to fall into. I think that's why it says flee from sexual immorality and all other sins a person commits are outside the body.

    It's good that you have a repentful heart. Continue to trust in God and I think you'll be alright :)
    KingJ and LanceA say Amen and like this.
  3. Hi Cilio. I know how you must feel, considering that is such a precious gift to lose, but you are not alone! Many people have lived entire lives of sexual immorality and yet come to Christ.

    If he really is a Christian, he should understand and empathize with you, not cut you down or walk away. Being a follower of Christ means being like the person of God, and God doesn't lie. Don't hold this from him. If it really is eating you up inside tell him and tell him how sorry you feel.

    If someone loves you, your sin shouldn't get in the way of that love. Tell him how you are feeling.

    Sorry you have to go through this, I hope everything is made right!
  4. Ohh Boy.
    Firstly, your English is way better than my French, so don't feel in the least bit self conscious about that:).
    You are so young to be carrying such a load of guilt.
    Now then you do not actually say that you are a Christian yourself....are you?
    OK, so why do I ask this? If you are not then getting right with Christ is #1 priority for you. If you are, then in confessing your sin/s to Him, He is faithful and just and will forgive you. It is just a matter of not getting 'the cart before the horse' (idiom).
    This young man who you seem to be fond of, tell him about your misadventure more or less up front.
    If you two do decide to see if you can develop a life long friendship, the longer you 'live a lie', the harder it will be on both of you when the truth comes out. Much better to know things up front, don't you think?
    So, tell this young man and if he freaks out then you are free to move on, if he is forgiving and understanding then all your worries are going to be in the past.
    Let us know how things are going for you.
    LanceA likes this.
  5. God is a God of redemption, and He can redeem your situation as well. This does not mean that He will remove all the consequences of your actions, such as your feelings of regret, but He certainly offers forgiveness and the chance to start over and make the right choices in the future. You seem to have confessed this to God, repented, and gained some wisdom about relationships, and those are the important things right now.

    I think it will be best to tell your friend what has happened. Will it be easier to confess it to him a year from now after keeping it secret all that time? Probably not. I don't know what his response will be, but if he sees your repentance and emotions I think that will cause him to feel compassion for you. It may take him a little time, though, so try not to be too discouraged if his initial response is not what you had hoped for.
  6. Ahh sorry, I had not read your biography, :oops: so disregard my question about being a Christian already.
  7. Thank you so much for your answers. They are really helpful.
    You all are right and I won't be able to start a relationship with him without telling the truth. I will tell him at the right moment. He knows that I'm feeling a little depressed, and I guess that's another reason why I need to tell him.
    I know God forgives, and I've started to feel better these days because I feel that He's still with me. Actually I've never prayed that much and I feel even closer to Him.
    Again, you all are right, as a christian, my friend will forgive me, in the worst case, we will stay friends, that's okay with me.

    I'll let you know how things went. I don't know when, but I will. :)
    Thank you again.
    Robine likes this.
  8. Hi Cilio,

    Thank you for your story. It was so touching.

    If he is your best friend, you have to trust that your relationship is strong enough.

    Having a bestfriend is one of the most beautiful things before starting a relationship.

    Don't overthink it, in the right time it will sort itself out.

    When its time to talk, be open and honest - he might be disappointed but if he is going to get into a relationship with you it must be built on the foundations of truth.

    Also don't worry about thinking its over for you and him. This might be a new stage because maybe you should have dated long ago. Just saying.

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