First of all, I'm sorry for my English, I'm French but I'll do my best. I think it is the only forum I've found that can help me. I need to tell you my story, it is kind of sad, I guess, and I need some advice. I'm 18, and in my life I've had only one boyfriend, unfortunately it lasted only 3 months, I thought it was going to be a durable relationship, but I soon realized I wasn't in love anymore, and I just couldn't be with him anymore, so I left him, 2 months ago. During these 3 months, I've made a terrible mistake, we had sex : I hadn't though about the consequences, I was in love, I was stupid, and I will regret this all my life. Now we're not together anymore, so it's even worse. I've been praying every evening since, and I will keep doing this because I really want to tell God I'm sorry for this mistake. When we left each other, I managed to spend some time with my friends. I felt like I hadn't seen them for years. Many months before I started a relationship, I was in love with one of my best friend. I had to stop because our friendship was too great to be destroyed. And since two weeks ago, I feel like those feelings are coming back. He is a christian, and he is really serious about it, I love this part of him, and I try my best to be as involved as him within the church. He's really protective with me. When I started my relationship with my ex, he explained me his feeling about this and God. I told me that he though that maybe, God had made other plans for me, that I should have waited a little more before starting a relationship : he was so right ! I wish I had listened to him at this time. My problem is that I am not a virgin anymore, and he can't know this. I've already disappointed God, I don't want to disappoint my best friend. Right now he doesn't have to know, we're not together, and that's why we won't ever be together, and that makes me so depressed. I have never felt like this before : it is like I know he's the man I need in my life. But I can't tell him the truth, so we can't start anything. I know I've ruined something, and I regret it so much. Maybe I've ruined my life, maybe more. I need some advice, because I don't know if I have to stop loving him right now, if I can wait and see, I don't know. I've already asked questions to a pastor, not about the whole story, just about my terrible mistake. He helped me understand that God will always be able to forgive me for this, as long as I regret. Maybe you have another point of view, feel free to tell me. Thank you.