Its time to release my true testimony

Discussion in 'Praise Reports / Testimonials' started by JesusLovesAll, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. Its time to release my true testimony

    It all starts from the age of 13.
    At the age of 13 I had depression but I didn't realize it until 10 years later.
    I was fairly close to God when I was 13, I would worship and pray but in the end I parted my way, see I had quite allot of anger and hurt from my childhood and I decided that if all this pain around me was real, and God was real he was not a real good creator at all.
    I couldnt see why God would create something so evil I blamed Him for all the pain I have seen, the people starving and so on.
    So I said some rather nasty things and shut Him off.
    I said that if there was heaven and hell I didnt care because I wouldn't wanna be with someone that was such a poor creator.
    I didn't truly understand the whole thing, as you may have guessed by now..

    But He never left me, even when I tried so hard to push Him away, He never left.
    It would seem my words were merely common words He had heard it all before and it didn't affect Him being around...

    I tried to be an atheist but it didnt work because I knew there is a spiritual world.
    So I tried to be a pagan, I tried to create a hobby of Ghost Hunting as well.
    I picked being a pagan because they didn't believe in God and I tried to push all the Christian stuff out of my head and forget about heaven and hell.
    I almost achieved it and I was doing pretty good at getting abosolutly no where fast.
    The more I pushed myself in to darkness the more lost I felt, I think its because I was already spiritually a Christian, so the more I ran the worst I felt spiritually drained emotionally drained, I was dead in side almost to a point of no return.
    I had learned how to stop caring about earth, to me global warming was a myth and so on.
    I saw war on TV and didn't care, I heard of death of 100s of people and couldnt even flinch an eye about it. - I was dying inside in the most evil way possible, spiritually!

    I had finally blocked all that is God out, but yet He was still there! just silent because I wanted Him to be.
    I think He knew I was coming back someday, why else would he always be there??

    A Jehovah Witness kept coming to the door in that last 6 months and finally got let in one day, I made jokes to myself about her and how stupid she was for being a Christian.

    Anyway towards the end I was soo lost and lonely spiritually so I said to God, "If you are there now is your chance, I will take what you give me"
    Or something along them lines, I was at this point in my life, I was either going to become a full fledged Christian or a pagan and I was going to embrace either which.
    But something inside me made me say that to God, who I was trying to get out of my head..
    the next week or so the JW said to me "If you want to know anything feel free to come talk with us"
    I said "Ok' But in my head I said "If you wasnt a JW I would"
    it wasnt 2 weeks later that she left the JW faith but kept coming here.
    I had no excuses not to talk to her any more, she had left the JW faith.
    So I talked to her a little and when she left I started to study Christianity again.
    The day I started studying I asked God for help studying.
    I was searching a certain subject and His word spoke the answer, it was scripture entirely irrelevant to what I was studying.
    But it said to me the answer I had asked just as if someone was sitting next to me saying it.
    The answer or question dont even matter anymore.
    The only purpose it served was for God to show me He is there and always has been.
    It um, stunned me for a min and I didnt know what to do...
    I ended up just tearing up and saying "You was always there, wasnt you?"

    Things have been great since, I am learning so much and growing so much, faster than I ever thought possible.

    Now I apologize for any spelling mistakes etc, but I hope it makes sense, there is just so much other things that I have left out, alot of it is kinda R rated and as there is kids here I thought it best to leave out.
  2. I forgot about a really important part.
    There was an old man in my life at 13, he had been faithful all his life to God.
    He had certain experiences that had happened to him throughout his life.
    Like a metal bar being removed from his leg and the doctors where stunned when they went to remove it and it wasnt there.
    He was a humble old man that never spoke alot and he wouldn't lie.
    He was put in my life at the age of 13 to give me some faith that I couldnt ignore.
    I couldnt drown it out like everything else.
    He died when I was like 15 I think but I just couldnt get him out of my mind. the things that had happened to him and so on.
    It was like "God isnt real" then in my mind "But this happened to this old man and there is evidence of it".
    I think hes only real purpose God had for him to do with me was to give me a type of faith that would always leave a question in my head when I said "God isnt real".

    So I have come to see these things and realize that my life was a learning experience that was probably always meant to happen, for some reason I can not yet see, but I have a feeling I will real soon.
  3. did you repent your sins to the Lord and ask God for the holy spirit.?
  4. Sorry, that was in there to, at the end but i must of deleted it.
    I did a full commitment on my knees asking for mercy in all I have done and truly honestly repented for it all.

    Another thing I should of mentioned, although I was close to God when I was 13, I was in no way a Christian compared to how I am today. looking back I know that time was to help me down the track when I was really ready to accept God.
    I dont think I ever truly accepted Him until a few months back..
    I had no idea on the truth of the religion, just fed all the "good" from the church I was going too.
    Now I know the real God and am a proper Christian, fearful of my actions and so on. if I knew what I knew now back then I probably would of never tried to run, because the God I know today gives me reason on why the world is so bad, the God I know today is the real God, not some pretend person that in His eyes you cant do anything wrong.

    Then again, the bible is full of stories of people that try to run from God but end up there in the end, who knows.
    The common teaching in church these days.
  5. Thank you for sharing Darknight, being open is hard . thank you for being so open .
  6. Thank you for your testimony of faith and huminlity and that God does choose us and never lets us go .

    Too many people put their hopes in church to redeem then , not realizing that church is only a building and that Christ lives in us and we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit . Yes , don't get me wrong , it is necessary to worship with believers of like mind and spirit so that we can strengthen and build each other up in our spiritual growth ; but so many people miss the mark on that issue thinking if they go to church all their problems will disappear.

    We need to realize that with Christ in us we can do all things as He gives us the power and authority .

    1 Corinthians 8:6
    yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

    Philippians 4:13

    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

    When we come to the realization that through Christ , living in us , is there anything spiritually speaking that we cannot do when we put Him first in our life and follow his steps.
  7. Church is great for spiritual growth and I agree we need it.
    Its just not the best place to learn everything you need to know, I have found they love teaching the good, but they seem to ignore the bad somewhat.
    Not all churches do this but most..
  8. Good testimony Darknight

    There are alot of people in the churches that only have a head knowledge of God. They think they know Him but just know about Him. It's only when we turn from sin and completely give ourself to Him that we truly know Him.

    It sounds like maybe there was much seed of the Word planted in your young life, then watered, and later the full harvest was reaped when you came to Christ :D
  9. Awesome testimony. I also struggled with depression. But God healed me. I turned my back at age 13 as well. Rough time. I was bullied, my Dad abused me, I was blamed. I was constantly wishing I could go back in time where my Dad used to love me and treat me like a daughter, I missed my old friendships that were taken away as I grew older, and I blamed God. I full-out hated God. But we are never, EVER too far from Him :)

    He's always there. Sin blocks HIs voice out, but it doesn't mean he hasn't stopped talking. We just stopped listening.

    And now, God has called me into the ministry. God is real, God is awesome. You are never too far from Him :)

    God's glad that you are back with Him! :)
  10. like any place there are lots of wolves,its for you to have a relationship,not through others.
  11. Sometimes when I edit posts I end up double posting and I cant work out why, ignore this and see below.
    ARGH!!!!! lol
  12. Its just the way it was watered I have trouble dealing with right now, I have been mourning in a sense but not in a sad way, I think its a positive way.
    I just wish I could take the 23 year old me back in time to my 18 year old idiot self and replace the 18 year old with the 23 year old.

    I have been volunteering at a place working with people with disabilities over the last few weeks and I love it, more and more each day..
    Who ever says God dont heal still today - well I dont agree, because He healed me emotionally in a instant. But I still put that down to being so spiritually lost.

    @xspinningisfun (Love your forum name by the way it always makes me smile)
    Sounds alot like me and certain things I left out to do with my father.
    But we finally got past it, only a few months ago but yeah, getting there now.
    God has changed him more than He has changed me, its amazing what God can do in peoples lives.
  13. aw im so happy ur back w God i remember when i used to blame him 2 but im happy he brought us all back. He loves us so much. More than we even love ourselves
  14. I simply LOVE this testimony! It overflows with hope!
  15. What I love is that you took a JW with you! I believe if you hadn't said that in your head, she might have stayed in the dark.

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