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Is There Reason To Mix With Non-virgins And Cheaters

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by nijikon, Oct 5, 2012.

  1. Hey Christian Forum Site,

    The responses to my previous thread really helped me with my walk in Christ.

    Okay, so this new issue has popped up in my life. It is essentially how I view girls who are non-virgins and who I know are cheaters. Take the following two examples which are true!

    1. My non-Christian friend knows I'm a mid-20's virgin. And he keeps on saying that I need to get laid. Okay look. I go clubbing with him. And never once in the club did I kiss a girl. So he was suggesting that this following weekend, we go clubbing with the intention of me getting a girl and getting laid. For me, zero intent to do that.

    2. (More serious) So I got to be friends with this girl from work. She gave me the impression that she's quite a good one. Signs of it - she offered to take a taxi with me to save cost, was helpful in guiding me through the work and went a little out of the way to make sure I'm doing fine in the company. Then a month later, I figured she's engage. Okay, hmmm ... initial thought was that the fiance found a keeper. Another month later, I found out through a 95% trusted source that she had a ONS (yes, all the way) with a fellow co-worker who worked at a few rooms next to mine! W ... T ...

    Upon hearing the news, I was filled with disgust, sadness and a little deceived. Firstly, it just comes as a shocker that someone who is nice to me can be so not nice to her fiance. Secondly, what she did totally goes against my morals and to think that I once believe she was one who agreed with them made me felt a little deceived. Thirdly, it is small stories like these that slowly chisel away at my belief that there exist people who honors the sanctity of marriage.

    Now before many of you flame me for seemingly placing myself at a higher moral plateau, I would like to add the following: One, on about 95% accounts, voluntarily cheating is wrong. So I think it's justified that I am in fact on a higher moral plateau.

    Two and this is the main reason here, I think I'm risking following the ways of such people when I spend more time with them. Serious, non-Christian friend with this lifestyle repeated says stuff like "[my name], I think you need to get laid tonight." or "[my name], I'll go with the girl, do whatever I want with her, and leave."

    Okay, I know Jesus forgave the sinners. While I recognize that, I hope we all agree that the flesh can be weak. And after being continually exposed to such people three times a week, either I get assimilated into their ways or I don't see a point in being with them when they are so against my morals.

  2. Women who do certain things is one thing. Your Non-Christian friend is an entirely different thing.
    Why do you want to go clubbing anyway? What do you expect to gain by this?
    If you want to meet a girl with Christian values, go hunting where those girl's can be found.
    Doubt you will find any in the club scene. If you want to find diamonds don't go fossicking in the waste paper basket.
    Surely there are plenty of Christian singles groups around, and I don't mean on the Internet, facebook or other social networking sites. Matt 10:16. Good advice....be wise, but be gentle.
    Satan tempted Eve by pointing out that she was missing out on good things and look where that took her!
    It appears that this non-Christian friend wants to drag you down to his level, then he can say that you're no better than he is.
  3. Hey Calvin,

    I'm understanding what you are saying. But I feel that your comments and my original post put together addresses two different topics:

    1. Finding a Christian for a girlfriend.

    2. What to do with a non-Christian friend who as you put it wants to drag me at their level.

    Your answer of not finding diamonds at the waste paper basket is a valid response to 1. We can have a further discussion about that next time. What I want is an opinion to 2.

    From your

    I take it that I should stop seeing them altogether. This, I agree. I just need to know whether is it too harsh a measure. I know of situations where I'm tempted and where I'm not. I can safely say that given on Friday I have friends encouraging me to read Fifty Shades of Grey" and on Saturday I have ones that wants me to get laid, I feel pretty tempted.

    Thus my inquiry, should I just ignore them. And yes, friends not potential romantic partner.
  4. re point 2. My thinking and advice would run along the line that you should not sever contact with this person altogether, rather you need to have Jesus take control of your relationship with him. Rather than allow him to lead you into dangerous territory, be willing to take him into safe harbor if he will follow. We are supposed to be the salt of the world, if we isolate ourselves we have no value.
    Also, if we compromise, we are indeed compromised, and again have no value. Consider Matt 5:13.
    So, you could be saying to this person, "I'm happy to spend time with you, but I'm sure not going to prostitute myself to lust. Why not come with me to this singles night at the xxxxx Church?"( be sure it does have an outreach ministry though)
    Rumely likes this.
  5. Actually, after reviewing your OP, I'm not sure I have addressed your last post as you asked.:(
    If I may be very succinct for now, consider it this way: Initially you saw the girl partly through Jesus' eyes....She is a nice person. But now your eyes are more fully open. She is still that nice person, but now you are aware that she is a sinner in need of Christ's forgiveness and her spirit needs to be regenerated by the Holy Spirit. Psa 51:10.
    We are all created in the image of God.....we are all nice people. Some of us need more renovating than others, but we all need the 'carpenter's' touch.
  6. To be honest, I don't see that it is any of your business that she had (or is rumored to have had) a one night stand since you are not in a relationship with her and her behavior has no effect on your life other than to horrify your sensibilities. Secondly, I don't see it as deception that your initial impression of her was erroneous, making assumptions about her values based on fairly limited experience. I find it amusing that every time there is a news story about a person who did something horrible, the news reporters interview the friends/neighbors/co-workers of the individual and they always express surprise, saying how the perpetrator seemed like such a nice guy, was always quiet, etc., etc.

    If the 95% reliable report is true, she did not sin against you, nor does it appear she attempted to draw you into the situation, so it basically is between her, God, her fiancee, and the co-worker.

    As for the higher moral plateau comment, it seems rather pharisaical to place yourself on a higher moral plateau than someone else based on, essentially, one identifiable sin. Besides, even if we could objectively place you on a higher moral plateau, in light of how far short all of us fall from the Glory of God and His righteousness, that incremental distinction becomes essentially meaningless. And, in fact, the idea itself may indicate sins of another kind (pride, self-righteousness, etc.) which may well be equal in magnitude to the sin in question. Particularly if we are talking about a pervasive approach to life compared to what may have been a momentary lapse in judgement.
  7. Will Rogers once was quoted as saying "Marry the girl that will get you into Heaven". Understand what he meant when he said that. No decision affects your entire life in such a profound way as the person you marry. It affects every decision you make from that point forward, including your relationship with Christ. If you marry the wrong person, your walk with Christ will be challenged daily. But if you marry a strong Christian woman with a Godly heart, then your walk can be strengthened daily. If we understand God's place in marriage, then we can understand how two Godly people can strengthen each other in Christ throughout their lives. We can also understand how the wrong person will act like a millstone around our necks throughout our entire lives.
    Jake likes this.
  8. Aside to Rumely,

    Yes, it is not my business that she had a one night stand and yes the grounds for me being deceived is not valid. However, I still need a way to react to the information that was given to me. Unless you are saying that her news not being my business implies me forgetting about it, there has to be a way to consolidate my now impression of her together with her having a one night stand.

    Also from ...

    Correct me if I'm wrong, I infer from here that you've already accept the view that people generally don't honour the sanctity of marriage. That's fine. I at least hope to have a gauge on whether my optimistic view of finding someone who does is unrealistic.

    Also from ...

    This comment struck a chord with me. Indeed, I have to humble myself in front of God and not place myself at a higher moral plateau because of the fact that we all are sinners according to the Bible. It was very quick for me to accept this.

    I guess what bothers me, or what shouldn't bother me, is that ONLY Christians would understand this concept of everyone being sinners. I find it hard to explain but will try. It is as though we are bearing an additional cost from the secular world not knowing the fact that while we try our best to refrain from certain sins, say adultery, in our eyes, we are no different than those performing adultery. Put differently, we are rejecting the praise from others should they say ... "That guy does't cheat. He is a good guy."

  9. Its really pretty cut & dry. If you continue to hang with your friend, something bad is bound to happen (which I think you already know that).

    Question? Is your "friend" really your friend? If so would he not respect your beliefs and morals?
  10. I think your clubbin' buddy is far more of a concern for you than the lady at work. He is far more likely to present a moral problem for you than she is. Calvin's and ForgivenWretch's posts regarding your buddy are spot on and I feel no need to add to their words on that subject.

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