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Is There Ever An Excuse For High Voltage Christian Parenting?

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by 福井舞, May 30, 2014.

  1. in another word, for a Christian parent to think to him or herself, as long I am ( or I think) I am doing this out of love, I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want?

    For example, I know this Christian father, every time his son does something he dislike, he would immediately resorts to aggressive tactics such as yelling, hanging up the phone, say sarcastic hurtful things, or simply freeze his son out as a way to "punish" his son for not go alone with his command.

    and this father never apologized for any of the tactics he used, and when being confronted by his son, he immediately take excuses out of his excuse bag and go " oh, well, I did this out of love" and a way to brush things off and as a reason for not offering an apology or try to make a change.

    this is despite the fact that his son is an adult, and as a father, he should ( or at I feel) give his son room to make his own mistakes, and to make decisions for his own lives, even if it is not what him ( the father) would have wanted.
  2. That's not love! (I know I used to lose it too :( ) I've long since repented and spoken to each of my three kids individually asking for forgiveness. You can only train them, and sometimes you have to allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions when they're an adult. While under you house, it is your responsibility to keep them on the straight and narrow. When they leave you, you can only pray for them that God will protect them, help them see God and live the way He wants them to. That father feels he's not getting respect because they do things that are not right in his eyes and feels as though he's been attacked by their seeming disobedience. He's taking as a personal affront to his authority. That's total pride through and through. What many parents don't understand is a child is a child in thinking well into their 20's because the last part of the brain to form is the reasoning section where judgement comes into play in the thinking process. Hence the understanding of every parent "that kid just doesn't think!" It's true, but that must make every parent pause and calmly explain what went wrong. There's no love in yelling and throwing a fit. I was still this way until I repented when my kids were teens! It made a huge difference in their lives. One, they weren't in such a hurry to "get out of the house"! Love covers a multitude of sins! No one is perfect and we have to remember that.
    TezriLi, God is Love and DavidG says Amen and like this.
  3. Is this your father?
  4. I'm not a parent (hopefully some day, God willing) yet, but I would imagine that as a parent we still have to find a way to humble ourselves before our children and ask them for forgiveness as Abdicate said. How do we expect our children to reciprocate a said behavior and remain humble if the people they look up to the most (after God of course) don't do the same. The father in your post is showing mockery, contempt, anger, ridicule and pride (with other things sprinkled in I'm sure), like Abdicate said, that is not love. God did not/would not do this to His own children, so why would we?
    TezriLi and God is Love say Amen and like this.
  5. Id be curious to hear the fathers side of the story.
    KingJ likes this.
  6. I look at this from a totally different perspective..

    My father never did anything like that to me.. I wonder how the father was brought up.. May be for him it was normal.. I remember watching Everybody Loves Raymond.. Relationship between Frank and Ray.. In one episode, Frank will open up and tell how his father brought him up.. And it would evident that Frank was 200% better than his father.. And Ray would be even better than Frank.. So slowly they were getting better :) But they learn to bring up a kid from their father..

    A time will come for the son where he will still love the father.. And will realize the true love father had all the time for the son.. The expression of the love is something totally different..

    Any father for that matter should look up to heavenly Father.. Then irrespective of the way they were brought up, Holy Spirit will teach them on how they should behave..

    As far as the son is concerned.. Stick to basics - Honor your father and mother.. It does not say honor your father based on how he treats you.. Honor should be unconditional..
    KingJ likes this.
  7. Confronted. That is a privilege enough! : )

    Good for him it's only "excuse bag" and not "disciplinary belt" : )

    I grew up with the "disciplinary belt"....I will not use it, but I prefer not to judge the ways of the older generation....

    and looking back, am such a headache when I was a kid : )
    KingJ likes this.
  8. no, it is not my dad I am talking about here.

    I knew both the father and the son involved in this case really well on a personal level.
  9. well, I cant tell you exactly what went through the father mind when he did those things.

    but I did get to know him really well, and got a chance to get a real glimpse into his personality as well as how his mind works.

    He was someone who was more of a "doer" as oppose to a "thinker", as result, he seemed to have the tendency to see things in black and white, and was unable to appreciate ( or maybe he did not want to) complexity of situations. And he has the tendency to view things from his own reference point only.

    He also had a really impulsive personality and had a temper ( though I think he did certain ability to control his temper if he wanted to , but he was one those people who seemed believe ,this is who I am, take it or leave it). His interpretation of scripture means he is someone who believes in tough love at all cost, by any means necessary......., all of these just means that despite he was man who was genuinely a loving person with a great deal of charm, he could actually be really overbearing and not respect others boundaries, as long as he believed his intention was good.

    I think his son were facing certain issues at that time, and he found it difficult to explain to his father his situation without his father cut him half way through and accuse him of making excuses so on and so forth. Like I mentioned, because of his father personality , his dad can sometimes have a simplistic way of viewing things, and he did not understand or maybe he did not want to understand why his son could not just get on with it like he himself would do in the same situation.
  10. well my father was a physical disciplinarian.

    but that does not make it right.

    who ever agreed with you must be misguided in terms of scriptural teachings on how parents should relate to their children
  11. Exo 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

    IF the father is still around, chances are near 100% that he STILL loves his child. The child must respect the father and stop being selfish.
  12. A but?

    I cannot connect/logical coherency of the 2 lines above...
  13. #13 aha, May 31, 2014
    Last edited: May 31, 2014
    Your personal experience is not a valid basis to judge if the discipline method used by the older generation is right or wrong.

    It is always safe not to judge the older generations...

    Read what the Teacher has to say to the Pharisees who tries to judge the older generations…..

    Matthew 23:29-32
    New International Version (NIV)
    29 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30 And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ 31 So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started!
  14. I agree on that, can you cite bible verse you are referring to?
  15. Am curious on how you understand the Proverbs below...

    Proverbs 13:24

    New King James Version (NKJV)
    24 He who spares his rod hates his son,
    But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
    KingJ and Euphemia say Amen and like this.
  16. is this a test of my scriptural knowledge?

    what about Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged

    I have this feeling you are aware of this passage already

    both parents and children have responsibility towards the Lord
  17. so if love my son , I could use this passage as a way to justify why I chose beat black and blue?
  18. what does this passage has anything to do with judging the older generation
  19. I think you are misinterpreting it. The bible never says to beat your child, just to discipline them. I think it's common sense how hard you can spank them. You just want it to sting a tiny bit, not leave them with bruises. God wants them to learn from it, without it being a hateful experience.
  20. I believe he was asking whether a parent could be justified in interpreting it that way. I read your answer as a no.

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