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Is marriage out?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by kenmtb, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. Hi-
    I have been alone most of my life and ran into some bad relationships that were not GOD centered.
    Rather than continue to pursuing improper relations I would like to submit to GOD's will more and be a better person. I thought that eventually seeking a good Christian relationship would be the right thing to do. Until I found out, you can not marry unless you are open to creating lives. I am out of my 40's now and have always been repulsed by the idea of forcing someone into this world. There are many other reasons why reproducing is against the fibers of my being. However, it is not what I want that is important.

    So if you do not desire to create lives, is it better to remain alone? This seems like a miserable choice. I know GOD is suppose to fill your life but as an adult human we do desire companionship, intimacy and an occasional hiking partner.
    Thank You
  2. You may not believe it, but Jesus IS with you, if you let Him.

    1 Corinthians 7:8 (KJV)
    I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

    When you focus on YOUR situation you're NOT focusing on Jesus. Also, the pain of your broken relationship may be the very reason you don't want offspring, because you don't want them to be hurt like you were. You need to send away that pain and replace it with the blood of Jesus. How do you do that? Speak it out with your lips. Say "I forgive her and I forgive myself and I forgive God." Forgiveness isn't for the offender but for the hurt. The word forgive in both the Greek and Hebrew means "to send away". Once you speak this forgiveness and send away the hurt, you need to cover the wound with the power of the resurrection. Again, HOW do you do that. Speak it. Jesus died for me rose from the dead so I can lack NOTHING.

    1 Corinthians 1:4-8 (KJV)
    I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ; That in every thing ye are enriched by him, in all utterance, and [in] all knowledge; Even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you: So that ye come behind in no gift; waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall also confirm you unto the end, [that ye may be] blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

    You have to SPEAK the knowledge of God's word against the evil of the day. Once you're free from this, you may find that you don't need anyone, like Paul, or that you'll stop pushing them away instead of the offense you received.

    Philippians 1:10-11 (KJV)
    That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ; Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.

    Peace brother. There's nothing wrong with you in Christ, you just have to recognize it. (y)
  3. Hi-
    Thanks for the kind words. The relationships have been put in the past there is no grudge. There has never been a desire to reproduce but I do have a desire to eventually seek a Christian marriage. At my age and condition, reproduction is not a good idea even if there was a desire. My pastor mentioned that it would be defiant to enter a marriage and not be open to reproducing. I may have misunderstood the conversation with him. It seems that every marriage must be open to reproduction regardless of health, desire, finance, age.... He mentioned that you should let GOD change your thinking.
    From my immature point of view, if you have negative thoughts of reproduction all your life, it is a good idea not to create lives. Your heart is not in the right place in that regards. Should I really try to pray for GOD to open my heart to reproduction?
  4. No, you should focus on Jesus and leave the rest up to Him. If you choose to listen to man over that of God's then you'll suffer loss. Don't listen to me, or your pastor, only to God. You do that through prayer and meditation of His word.
    New Man 78 likes this.
  5. Christ said it is better not to marry. If you do though remember that it is adultery to marry a woman who has been put away before. He says any man that marries a woman that has been put away is an adulterer.
  6. Reproduction? do you mean having a baby.
    Don't sound so clinical.
    There is nothing more beautiful nor exciting nor challenging nor rewarding than to have a child,
    to see an image of you with so much life to live,
    BUT, having said that we put off the decision and put it off and put it off until..well...its unlikely to happen now but not impossible.
    Sometimes I feel a slight sadness not having children but I see that such feelings are just selfish because
    across the human race i'm pretty well off in comparison with many many even hundreds of millions who have children,
    I am always sad to see useless parents leaving children in cars on hot days or abusing them or
    yelling at them from the football stands to do better, those sporting jerk parents are as bad as the abusers, their emotional abusers,
    or they want little johnny junior to grow up and run the family business like johnny senior, fine if he wants to, what if he wants to
    do ballet and live in paris?
    i'm getting side tracked,
    There is no sensible person who having had children would say put them back,
    I would definitely say contraception is a good thing provided it does no harm to an already pregnant state, like abortion pills,
    once anybody is pregnant it should go full term.
    But, my opinion, is if you don't want to get married don't, if you don't want kids then don't have them, there are after all 150,000,000 orphans on earth.
    I don't agree with your pastor, but hes a pastor.
  7. Look if you don't want a kid that's fine. You can be perfectly married without kids.

    Just look at those couples who choose to raise a dog or a cat instead, don't believe God has frowned upon them.

    Our natural desire is to have babies, especially us as women. its maternal and broody and all things goey but
    its not a command.

    You can reproduce but are not forced to.
  8. Last I checked - there is no explicit requirement that both parties in a marriage had to be capable of reproduction before they get married..... Biblical or civil... On the other hand, the Bible does have plenty of references to people who married and ended up childless....

    If somebody here has a scripture that they can point to that specifically refutes this - I would be glad to hear it...

    So... to our OP... You don't exactly sound like a young guy... There's nothing preventing you from marrying someone else who can't have kids for whatever reason....
  9. Hello-
    Sorry but I use reproduction because it is the way I write and think. No offense is intended. To me, "Having kids" is very inaccurate as you are bringing in a life & soul into existence for 70-80 years. They must work with the cards they are dealt. I personally cant do this plus I am not a kid anymore either.

    To clarify, I probably can create lives, I just do not desire to do so after getting married. I am not open to creating lives. Personally marriage would place GOD first with an active joyful life praising and serving the Lord. However, my pasture says a purpose of marriage is to create lives. He indicated that marring without being open to reproducing would be defiant. He also indicated that one should trust the Lord and do his will.

    I look at it this way, if a couple is fertile then reproduction will most likely happen regardless. It is not a guarantee but there is a good chance eventually. In order to "prevent" this, then you need to actively do so. You can not be passive and expect to remain child-free. I take all of this to mean entering a marriage and actively staying child-free would be defiant.
  10. So... Here's the "Defiant" part that your pastor is getting at....
    Whose will is more important to you? God's will or your will?
    Are you willing to be obedient to God and let the chips fall as they may?

  11. Exactly. But what is GOD's will? The chips falling is wondering if you will bring a life into this world way past the normal age. Doesn't a child have the right to be born to parents that WANT to be parents or is parenthood a "duty" of marriage. Are there any exception? I dread the thought of being alone the rest of my life.
  12. Then stop dating woman 15-20 years younger... ;).
  13. This is going to sound kinda hand wavey... but it works....
    Only you can figure out what is God's will for your life.... Only you can determine what "Obedient to God" means in your life.

    Part of what you are going to run into is doors opening and doors closing.... God has a way of shutting doors so no one can open them - and open doors so no one can close them. Pray for this.

    There is a possibility that God is preparing you to marry a woman who can't have children for whatever reason... This is fine and dandy....

    Neither is correct. I believe there is sufficient evidence over the last 6,000+ years to point out that the Child has no say in whether or not their parents wanted them or not.... God does have a way of softening your heart to your children, though... He won't leave you without any resources....

    Parenthood is also NOT a "duty" of marriage - or Jesus would have declared Divorce acceptable in the case of inability to have children.... He did not. There are plenty of obedient, married Christians who have no children - either because of their choice, or because of inability to conceive.

    This is probably a situation where prayer and fasting for guidance and preparation... If you are going to get married - one of the largest obstacles is not being the sort of Man that the Woman you want to marry WOULD marry.... Sometimes, situations like this are to get YOU prepared....

  14. I think it's important to be careful that you are following God's Word, not man's. Does the Bible say you HAVE to have kids when you get married? Does it say you cannot get married if you do not want kids?
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  15. [QUOTE="Parenthood is also NOT a "duty" of marriage - or Jesus would have declared Divorce acceptable in the case of inability to have children.... He did not. There are plenty of obedient, married Christians who have no children - either because of their choice, or because of inability to conceive."[/QUOTE]

    There are some very interesting thoughts on the subject. I have read everyone's response and I appreciate your thoughts.
    It feels kind of wrong to go against the beliefs of my pasture. He is the one I depend on for guidance. You are right, GOD must be first and central to everything in life. A marriage should be a way to give glory to the Lord through teamwork.

    The odds of finding someone at this point are pretty grim due to where I live. Hopefully I can continue growing as a Christian in the meantime.
  16. been there before were I thought my pastors word was bible.

    till I realised my pastors also have issues, and many times secret.
    sorry to be crude but they don't poop icecream. they get insecure
    and jealous too. they even lie as well, in the name of portraying
    the perfect image.

    Once I learnt this, I cut out the middle man and went direct to God.

    Suffice to say my life has changed being in DIRECT contact with God
    and having no little persons in between. I go to church and believe
    in fellowshipping don't get me wrong.

    But HE had to break me out of dependency on man so that I could
    put HIM first.

    No mean feat - but it got us (me and Him) were we are today.
    His power is literally coursing through my veins! What a place to be!

    I lament the things and relationships I lost in the past, all because
    I needed the confidence, advise and opinions of man as a crutch
    versus trusting and fully trusting the MASTER for my life.


    take heed.
  17. your reasons for not wanting kids sound psychological.

    God wont mind if you have or don't have kids.

    Just don't use His word to "confirm" this belief of being forced to have kids.

    Maybe you witnessed an abortion, or witnessed kids raised so rough it got to you.

    you need to check and examine your heart about why you feel this way first before
    you deal the bible's hand on this situation.

    you are hurting somewhere but just remember, God doesn't use His word to keep
    you from having a great life :)

  18. Thanks for the thoughtful posts. LOL, there are no psychological issues or past hurts. I need to be free to pursue the Lord and enjoy life without the load that kids bring. Never had the desire and at my age it would be selfish to consider it an option. Not to mention the world is a cesspool.

    There is a lot of wisdom in following GOD's word not man's word. Right now I am not as experienced as you in being a Christian so I tend to lean on others until I can get an understanding on what the bible is saying!
  19. Are you using a euphemism for not being a virgin? Can a man "be put away"? What about marrying a man who has "been put away"? Is he an adulterer if he does?
  20. I thought it meant divorced.

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