Is It Ok To Hit On A Girl In Church?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by God is Love, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Ok, so I don't mean sleazy "hey wanna hook up?" type of hitting on, but basically trying to build a relationship that would lead to more than friendship, e.g. getting her number and scheduling a date, etc... I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression, i just feel like if I have a connection with a girl and she goes to my church then I can probably assume she believes the same things I do about God (which I find veryyyyy important in a relationship) and it seems like it would be a good opportunity to make my move. But then I question what would happen if things didn't work out, because I know I definitely don't want to move to another church because of something like that and I feel guilty in a way because instead of focusing all my attention on God while in church I would be occupied in building a relationship. I appreciate all responses but would especially appreciate responses that use the Bible to tell me whether what I want to do is wrong or not. Thanks.
  2. If you're interested in a girl talk to her father.
  3. In 1 Timothy 2, Paul gives women advice on what to do in church-gatherings especially. One important piece of that advice is:

    9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

    Afterward, Paul says he won't allow women to talk over the speaker or usurp the teaching, which is all well and good, giving the exception that the woman is "saved" from this rule if her child is making noise or if she absolutely has to talk to deal with that child.

    It's obvious to know why talking over the teacher or chattering idly is disruptive to a session in which everyone is supposed to learn the Word of God, but why is the first clause added?

    Well, if a woman shows up to Bible study/church in revealing clothing, or with lots of jewellery or make-up to accentuate her looks, what does that say about her intentions? It distracts away from the lesson being taught for the men around her, and it shows that she probably came to either seek a mate, get attention or with some other self-centered goal, rather than learning the Word, which is what this whole session is for.

    I think this passage is important because it tells us that, during Bible study or genuine worship activities, it's not appropriate for distractions like flirtatious winks or notes being passed. But that's about it, as long as your actions are still edifying and not disruptive. Christians would have met in groups/congregations very often in the underground back in Roman times, and of course it'd be natural for singles to mingle there at the appropriate time before or after more important matters related to God and the Truth were taken care of. There was probably nothing that brought people together more strongly than being part of such a tight-knit community in those church gatherings, at least emotionally.

    I don't know how your church handles things, but maybe you can think of a time when it is appropriate to go up to her and engage in a conversation with her, making your intentions very clear for the sake of honesty. But there is another part to your issue, which is the need for guidance regarding whether things wouldn't work out with her or not.

    Neither you nor I could calculate whether things would work out for you two in a million years, but God can. I think it's very important for us to turn to God for guidance when it comes to marital or potentially-marital issues, because much worse than things not working out would be things working out for 1 year and turning into an absolute fiasco afterward; only God could predict that, and only God could lead both of you to prevent that from happening if He leads you into a marriagerelationship.

    Proverbs 3

    5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

    Remind God of this promise in the name of Jesus Christ; ask in faith for the sake of His will and meet those three qualifications and it will be given to you (John 14:13). I can say from experience that God will open doors and lead you to places you might never have imagined. But don't feel bad if God leads you away from this particular girl; it would not only be His will and righteous, but it would work out a lot better for you in the long run. (Plus you get saved the potential awkwardness at church.)

    But who knows? Even if your church doesn't necessarily give you an opportunity to come up to her that isn't disruptive, and even if you might feel scared to do it at a certain time, God can open doors for you. Love is very important to Him, as it was with Adam and Eve and all the other couples He brought together in the Bible; I'm sure he'll make a way for you two if it is His will. :)

    God bless you!
    God is Love likes this.
  4. Paul is not teaching she is "saved" from the rule not to usurp the mans role as teachers because her kids are crying? He is teaching that she is saved from Eve's transgression if she continues in faith and love and service to the saints, but that her first calling is to the raising of her children.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  5. Well, we are a very diverse group of Christians who come from a lot of different Scripture-interpretative backgrounds here, different denominations, et etcetera. Not to debate with you, but to clarify the thought behind that particular interpretation:

    1 Timothy 2 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

    "Notwithstanding (i.e., a contrast from prior clauses), she will be protected through the performance of maternal duties (Strong's G5042), if she continues in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety as she performs them, because following one's duty to the faith justifies this action." She might have to speak while a teacher is speaking to stop a baby from crying, but doing so is a protected act of love in God.

    The main idea behind this is that, in many of Paul's letters, he focuses on placing restrictions on peoples' actions to edify the church (making women restrain disruption), but then offers exceptions to avoid judging our brethren (why a woman would have to do that), or vice versa. The "she" jumps from Eve back to the woman in that last verse, and it might make one think the modification of "notwithstanding" is to the prior statements, not to Eve's usurpation of Adam.

    But I will ask God in prayer to convince me if I was wrong about that. This is only to justify that interpretation if God leads the reader to believe it, but if not, may this post demonstrate the failure in this thought process in the name of Jesus Christ, if it be God's will. Thanks for pointing that out!
  6. What was the the prior point?..that the "notwithstanding" is in context of?

    1Ti 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

    The transgression of the point being she is "saved" delivered from this this condition and transgression. Not that her baby is crying in church?
  7. The word "notwithstanding" de in but... the word "saved" sozo in Greek means to be delivered out of a certain judgment...clearly Paul is speaking of this transgression of Eve that a woman is delivered out of ...but her first responsibility is to the raising of her children and to continue in true godliness.
  8. After talking to her and you schedule a date, just set some quick and easy boundaries. Just say that wherever your relationship goes, you want to make sure you are both mature enough to handle it, good or bad. You should never have relationships that end with those you go to church with to make you feel you have to move to another church; friendships, dating or otherwise. Again, we should all be mature enough to handle ourselves if things work out and if things do not. My advice would be to pray on it and ask God what He thinks. Stay blessed my friend.
    God is Love likes this.
  9. Personally I don't think its wrong.. The problem comes when you mix that with Church.. Same goes with a married couple rite.. Just because my wife is my wife, would it make sense for me to kiss her in Church? Same goes with dating.. Just because it is okay to ask a girl out, Church is not the place to ask out.. Or rather, use Church service to flirt or do anything like that.. That does not mean you cannot ask out a girl from your Church.. Keeping them separate is important.. If you don't think you can, then there comes the problem!

    Back in India arranged marriage is very common.. Lot of families use Church to introduce the girl and boy to each other.. I told my mom, never ever call me for something like that :) And she would never call me for something like that also..
    God is Love likes this.
  10. Thanks everyone, all were great answers, liked them all. I know what to do now :)
  11. I remember I hung out with this girl one time, we went out to dinner. I told her from the very beginning I just wanted to be friends., and nothing more. Then I started going to her church. She introduced to me to everyone in her church, and I thought this is pretty cool. I went to her church maybe 3 times, and then I started dating another girl. When the first girl found out, she lost her mind. Turned the whole church against me. She made it like I was playing games with her, and I couldn't go back to that church anymore. I had to leave town. :(

    Moral of my story.. Don't date girls, not even one date. Just go talk to her father. :)
  12. That's a bad experience!
  13. The first time I met my father in law he told me if I ever hurt my wife, he's got a shotgun and a shovel and nobody would find me. He's a funny guy :confused::eek:
  14. haha. It's all part of the father in laws job to say that.
  15. Me and the girl worked together. I remember my manager told me not to go on even one date with this girl, because she was clingy. That's what I thought I would make it clear right from the start and everything would be okay. I was wrong.
  16. #17 MichaelH, Apr 23, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2014
    1Co 10:25 Whatsoever is sold in the shambles, that eat, asking no question for conscience sake:
    1Co 10:27 If any of them that believe not bid you to a feast, and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake.

    questioning the things we peruse or allow in our life does not end well.
    Can believers listen to Heavy Metal Christian music? The question itself already gives the answer for me. Dose not God know the heart and areas that are a snare to us ahead of time?

    For one believer walks into a bar to have a beer and speak about Jesus to someone, another believer see's and does the same but at home his heart condemns him toward God, making his faith shipwreck.

    Both men were wrong for what one had strong faith in, hurt the others conscience. He will answer to the Lord for it and it is serious.

    1Co 8:12 But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.

    Howbeit if believers were taught to obey their conscience and follow the Holy Spirit, there would be far less post about marriage issues, and a whole lot of other things. God leads us into the path of the Just, which Gets brighter and brighter. Ending up on a dark path and stumbling on things that you have no idea why it's all happening to you and why God is not doing anything to help means you went off His path and followed your own thing, ignoring what was in you to start.

    Not violating your conscience with questioning and reasoning out is a real simple thing every single believer can do to be spirit led and stay on the right path.

    choices made by good points outweighing the bad ones................... leads right to the path of the dark, and confusion.

    Pro 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
    Pro 4:19 The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble.

    Wicked is also translated to feel guilty be guilty or wrong. Choosing things we don't have 100% peace about will get us on that wrong path.

    Be blessed.
    God is Love likes this.
  17. Does your wife know this story? She will now:D
  18. This was long before that.
  19. Don't panic...just joking:sneaky:

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