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Is It Morally Wrong If I Choose To Ignore My Sister

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by nijikon, Apr 3, 2014.

  1. Hello Christian Forum Site,

    My sister, 2 years OLDER than me, is in one of the worst state anyone can be in. She's been out of job for the last three years. Her attempts at her own restaurant business has been a failure where she loss close to $30,000. I'm not sure of her attempts at a job or school but she isn't progressing in that department either.

    Now, here's the thing. Usually, I would be caring for someone in this situation. But my sister is someone that gives me zero reason to care for her even to the point where ignoring her might be the best thing to do. To me, she has zero sense of family care and adult responsibility. Here's why:

    Given her situation and presumably her only savings being 401k, she still:
    1. Goes for bi-annual trips to Europe and the West Coast on parent's credit card.
    2. Her effort in doing something with her life can be much much more, ie, she spends the majority of her time watching TV.
    3. She makes minimal effort in "being there as a family" during relative's weddings, graduation, visits, etc.
    4. Refuses to ferry my parents once in a while when they want to make a trip out of town.

    Now, you can say that I pretty much got my life sorted out - Ivy league, associate in marketing salary increase every year, getting an apartment in Manhattan soon. But trust me, I have done zero flauting of my assets to my sister. And I am not a money conscience machine. I do serve at church and I like to unwind with people over dinner.

    Me wanting to ignore her comes from two things - 1. it is the better thing to do as some realities of life are just inevitable and 2. the maintenance of my own sanity as I get crazy once in a while thinking how someone blood related to me can have such an attitude towards life.

    This is not a question of whether it is legally right or wrong. I just need opinions on whether what I'm doing is morally okay.

  2. I guess all you can do is set an example by how you live and manage your life. It is hard to be around certain family members that are so indifferent to your own christian beliefs. When around your sister you just need to show an example in your behaviour and attitudes. I believe we are to try and help our unsaved family members by praying for them, that God would touch their hearts and they will be saved. Personally i don't spend any more time than i really have to if i can help it around unbelieving family, although i still make sure to spend time around them. Your issue with your sister seems to be how she is living and treating other members and sounds selfish. Remember she is most likely struggling and you could be the one to help her to change her ways, she could look to you and maybe even start asking your opinion and advice on things.

    My family realise i'm taking my christian walk with God seriously and it seems they don't like it because they don't have the understanding. I've been told that it does nothing for me which is a huge insult because it is my christianity that is getting me through the most difficult time of my life. Without God i wouldn't have the strength to keep fighting and would give in to despair, hopelessness; depression you name it. It has given me so much to be able to trust in the Lord, and with the Lord i know i'll never be the same again and i look forward to walking with the Lord every day of my life, for the rest of my life.
  3. You already answered your own Question. (Rom 14:23)
    God is Love likes this.
  4. MichaelH is correct.

  5. honestly, I have some issues with my extended family at the moment, and your sister actually sounds pretty tame compares with my mother's you know what.

    yes, your sister sounds self centred, but at least she is not a bully or anything, and trust me, there are many families out there, includes my mum's ( my grandparents not included), who are very very abusive.

    so I can see why you might feel frustrated with your sister, but you have remember her not getting her life together is her choice, it doesn't affect you, and it is not really your place to judge her for it.......

    as for how she treats your parents, yes, I can relate, as I was reading through that part, I thought " wow, that sounds JUST LIKE my big SIS"

    but you know, maybe it is because I have seen much much worse from those "human garbages" from my mother's side of family ( Lord forgive me for saying this), I can actually appreciate the fact that selfishness is not end of the world....

    if I were you, I would keep praying for her and for Lord to soften your heart towards her.....

    and it may not be such a bad idea to keep distance from her for a while, just so you would not get too aggravated.....
  6. Would God want you to ignore your sister? It sounds like your sister is going through a hard time and doesn't know how to handle it. The fact that you're asking whether it is morally wrong should tell you that it is. This might be the perfect time for you to teach your sister about God. Don't ignore the people in life who haven't been saved, especially family. If you read the Bible you will find the answers very quickly to your question. I have just started reading the bible and am only on page 40 and already can tell you that your answer is at the whim of you deciding to open your Bible and seek your answer.
  7. I just want to add also that I am going through a very similar situation in my own life, my younger brother and my father completely reject God, and I understand how hard it is to be around people like that, especially when they are your own family. God could be using you though to bring your family closer to him and in the process strengthening your faith. Don't doubt God when things seem hopeless, nothing is too great for him to accomplish. I highly suggest you pray for your sister and read the Bible if you aren't already.
  8. I understand the frustration of watching someone seem to waste their life, especially when they take advantage of others.

    But I think the question shouldn't be if it is morally acceptable, but if it aligns with God's will. By all accounts the Pharisees were morally right in many ways, but they definitely were not obeying God's will.

    The Bible passage that comes to mind is the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). I think the family would have been completely justified on moral grounds if they chose to ignore him when he returned. After all, he asked for his inheritance while his father was still alive--basically saying that he would be better off with his father dead. Then he wasted all that money on wild living, while the father and older brother were working hard back home.

    And even he didn't expect to be welcome back as family. He knew his family had the right to ignore him when he came back, so was hoping to be accepted only as a servant.

    But how did the father respond? He saw his son returning from a distance, ran to him (which Jewish men normally didn't do), and then threw a huge party for his son. This is the example Jesus wants us to follow.

    This doesn't mean that you should enable her to be lazy and dependent on others--sometimes tough love is needed and is good for us.
    But I think you can find a way to love her without ignoring her or condoning her lifestyle. Maybe you have to say--"I love you and I am here if you ever need to talk. And I am happy to help you if you are trying to help yourself, but I can't support you when you are not trying at all. You have too much potential for that." Or something along those lines.

    Hope that helps.

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