Is It Friendship Or More?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by polo p, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. I was involved with a guy recently, meet in church, apparently a christian.... who turned out to be a complete creep, did not respect me as a person and basically trying to manipulate me into having sex with him for his own selfish needs. Even tho I made mistakes within the relationship regarding sexual activity, it's not what I want in a relationship.

    Anyway I have a friend i have like for the past 3 years, he is a lovely, decent christian guy, and since being involved with this other guy I have thought more about this friend, and how is such a decent man, who I love spending time with. I reckon he would respect me, care about me, support me, look after me more than this other guy ever would. I reckon he would be a good husband, and maybe that it what I am longing for, but I guess every girl wants that.

    The only thing me and the previous guy had between us was a sexual attraction, I was very much attracted to him physically and sexually and I have now released that was all it was. I kind of started to realise what is important for a marriage. The only thing is it has left me slightly confused, I really like this friend, even thought I loved him, I can actually imagine us together we seem to be great friends and he seems to care and do things for me, but it is a different kinda relationship than I had with this other guy, altho it is a good difference, I don't feel that sexual attraction. I am attracted to this friend in lots different ways, personality, the things he does, the way he speaks/says things and just generally things about him. I know i was not drawn to him physically at the start but then I started to like some things about him physically.

    Guess I am just confused wether what I feel is right, because it is different from what I felt about this other guy, It was such a strong sexually attraction I had a hard time not having full sex with him. altho I didnt feel happy at all with him. I liked that he was so touchy feely with me at times & always told me i was attractive! i Know this is not everything in a relationship. but he didnt want a real commitment with me, it was all fake & superficial.

    Just has left me so confused! and wether my feelings are real, or are we just great friends.
    What do you look for in a relationship and what do want/look for in you partner?
  2. I think that physical attraction comes and goes, the thing that remain stable about a person over time, like integrity, faith, maturity, servant-hood, mercy, honesty, trust, etc., those are the most significant things in a relationship.

    I think what you may have had with the other guy may have been exactly as you said, a physical attraction and nothing more. Your new friend sounds like a great guy, and it's not completely crazy to think that God could be keeping your other desires in check so that the two of you don't fall into temptation.

    If I were looking for a relationship, I would look for a woman, whose relationship with God was the most important thing in her life, and when my spirit moves with God, she would move with me. I look at the physical part as gravy,
    it's certainly nice to have, but it's not the most important thing.

    Physical beauty and body parts start to fade over time, so I've learned it's best to find that special someone
    who can love you for who you are, and not so much what you look like.

    I think you should just relax and enjoy your fellowship with this young man.
    If he's the one that God has for you, there will be plenty of time to think about the other stuff later.

    Hope this helps,
    God Bless :)
    believersboard likes this.
  3. Physical attraction can definitely grow.
    I say go on a few dates and see where it goes.
  4. You need to be very careful when it comes to choosing the right partner. Its beyond love. First is to consider is the person has a good relationship with God. Once that is figured out, the rest are minors.
  5. So many folk minor on the majors, and major on the minors, though...
  6. The thing to keep in mind about a physical attraction is this:

    Marriage is meant to be "til death do us part". That's not just a cute little tag line. It is literal. So following that fact to a logical conclusion, that means -

    There will come a time when you, your husband, or both of you, will be physically unable to have sex. If that's all you had, or even one of the bigger chunks of what you had, you're going to find yourselves staring at each other going, "Who are you?" when that time comes.
  7. Bear in mind, too, that with some guys 'friendship' is only a euphemism.
  8. Marriage is a lot about friendship, and only a little about sex. Love is all about friendship and Spirituality. Only movies and books seem to believe that sex is the foundation for love. God is love, so love should be Holy. Sexual attraction shouldn't even weigh into things until after marriage. Attraction yes, but not sexual desire.

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