Is it bad that I'm somewhat affraid...? ... of the subject of Armageddon? I mean, it also excites me as well... but sometimes I just can't help but think that I'm going to be one of the tormented people in the end times. Sometimes I don't think that I'm going to Heaven, or deserve to go to Heaven. I know that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He is my Lord and Savior who died for the sins of man including mine, and that He rose from the dead three days later and that there is no other way but through Him... But I have problems with an addictive personality... and I spend almost all of my time of this other internet forum that is pretty much the complete opposite of this place. Most everyone who goes to that forum are devout Atheists/Agnostics... so they're always mocking me and what-not for my beliefs (not all the time, but they do in subject of debate)... and though for a very VERY long time of going there it was completely easy for me to just accept that they were lost and I didn't believe a word they said in terms of God "not existing", but... as that one verse which I forgot the address of says "Bad company corrupts good manners..." I believe it's finally taking it's toll on my faith. I thought I had finally completely come back to God after earlier this year when I actually considered that Satanism would be a good route for me, and then I repented and practically wanted to die for even thinking for a moment that Satan was the true all-loving God... and that the real God was evil. I... I still feel stupid for thinking that... though it was so long ago. But I just... I guess I don't spend enough time in the Word... like my mom says. She's always begging and pleading with my siblings and I to just spend a little more time with God... and I want to actually. But sometimes I feel like my siblings will make fun of me for it. And I know that it's foolish to put the opinions of your siblings above God's... and it is... and I really am going to spend more time with God. *sigh*... I guess..... I just really...... I don't know. I guess I just need encouragement from fellow Christians... I just....... Even though Satan will hear me as I say this: My biggest fear, is discovering that through my whole life, thinking that I'm a Christian and going to Heaven for eternity... dieing and then spending eternity in Hell. I don't want to be someone who lives their whole life in anticipation for Heaven but then ends up going to Hell. And I feel like I deserve to go... but I don't want to go... I want to go to Heaven. I want to be with Jesus and God and my whole family and all of my friends in Heaven forever! ... and sometimes the fear of Hell becomes so great that Satan tries to put thoughts into me telling me that maybe none of it really exists... because I get too afraid of the possibility. I don't WANT to not believe! I don't WANT to be afraid! I want to be bold in Christ!!! And not care what people think! I want to know 100% that I AM going to Heaven... I just... I want to know.