Insecurity in my relationship

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Eivind Aakvaag, Sep 29, 2015.

  1. Hi, my siblings.

    I'll get straight to the point, as I don't wish to Write immodest and long Messages.

    My girlfriend, Irina, is a person that I want to spend the rest of my life With. She's one that I could marry and live as one With in Christ. We are both Christians.

    I just need some guidance when it comes to Things such as how to act and what to do if she feels that she wants to be intimate With me? I'm asking this because I've been abused, and I have a long history of unspeakable sexual traumas behind me, stretching back until 16 years old (I'm 26 now). I need guidance, dear siblings. Please help me? What can I say that'll make it Clear that my girlfriend is not the problem, but it's the traumas that is?

    Thank you in advance. Peace and Grace in Jesus' name,

  2. I'm so sorry about your history. About your present, you need to wait until you're married to consummate your intended relationship. God considers you married when you mate. The Jews considered you married when you're engaged. Marriage is important and you need to be sure she's the one. If you're committed to God and she's committed to God, have faith and if you're financially ready get married. Trying people like shoes is why there is a 50% divorce rate like the world. I met my wife face to face for the first time after writing for several years and I asked her to marry after three days. We were both committed to God and we have been married 25 years.
    KingJ, Ravindran, / and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  3. I think you and your girl friend need to set the "ground rules" first before getting to the point of no return when together. Can a man take fire unto his bosom, and not get burned? (Prov 6:27) the answer is no. Without setting rules you will be tempted to do that which you know you should not. Communication is very important.
    Cturtle likes this.
  4. You have a great responsibility toward your intended wife. Treat her as she is---something special, set apart---and commit your way to keep her pure until under God, and with His blessing, in marriage, you are completely free to enjoy the marriage bed together.

    God is under no obligation to preserve your ways if you live in defiance and disobedience to His word.
    Cturtle likes this.
  5. Eivind,

    Having been abused is difficult in itself. If you can forgive your abusers and seek the Savior for healing for your soul (mind, and emotions), then you will be in a better position to find peace when you are intimate. I do believe it is better to wait till you are married, and if you can allow God to heal you while you wait you will be able to present to your bride a very blessed and whole man, who God has filled and healed with the love for her that she will be able to enjoy for a lifetime.

    Your wholeness and security in your emotions can only come from trust built with the Savior. Knowing that He will never leave you nor forsake you, and that He went to the cross to heal you and free you from these fears and bondage. Allow His Words to wash over you and create within you a place of refuge and healing. I know that you care very deeply for this girl, and you both deserve to experience love at its fullest.
    Euphemia likes this.
  6. Euphemia, I don't wish to have sex before marriage. That was not my question. Irina is not allowed to touch me before we are married. My question was: how do I tell her that I don't want sex before we are married?
    Ravindran and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  7. You just tell her. Making it plain lessens the notions.
    Ravindran, Cturtle and Mykuhl says Amen and like this.
  8. I have to google that one, EBDM: Evidence based decision making….

    If there is 20% natural/physical evidence chance of victory, will one go to war?

    We make decision not based on evidence…. but rather: our pursuit of what is "Good", imo...

    Just a thought….on Philosophy..... : )
  9. Praying for you my friend. Maybe you should talk to a pastor or a Christian counselor to help you out. Just IMHO! Hope that helps as I am neither. But praying for you!
    Angela333 likes this.
  10. Amen!!
  11. Actually you having this conversation with her quite plainly would actually show her how much love you have for you! I think we as guys think it is something too complicated. I think women are good in understanding these things better than men :)
    Cturtle likes this.
  12. You need to separate the traumas from this. Even though it all involves sex, they are separate issues.

    You don't have sex before marriage because it mocks marriage and marriage pleases God. A Christian lives to please God not themselves Matt 10:39.

    I don't believe your sex trauma is going to be an issue in your married life either. Sex is something you do out of love for your wife. My wife wants a back scratch, I give it to her. The fact that someone whipped my back previously has nothing to do with me scratching hers. Sure there will be thoughts and memories. But the desire to please my wife is greater. Giving up a good thing is giving the enemy what they want. Those that hurt you want to see you ruined. Don't give it to them.
  13. Thanks J! I'll be sure to remember that. Altough we are different and I will take it at my own pace, regardless of circumstances around me.

    JPPP1974, I have a pastor that I can talk to about these things now :) Thank you all for praying for me.
    KingJ likes this.
  14. Praise the Lord Hallelujah!!!

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