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In Need To Vent

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Christine, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. Recently I have been on a roller-coaster ride with someone I was dating online in hopes to see him after I help my dad with selling items in the house. A long story short, we are currently living off my grandma since my dad had to declare bankruptcy. Now she has been talked into moving into a retirement home by her friends (please note she cannot think for herself and my dad and I have been caring for her), my dad will and I won't be able to afford this house.

    I've been planning on seeing James sometime within a month or two, depending on how the selling goes and I have been dealing with his indecisiveness for 2 weeks. Today was the worst. He blew up on me and told me that I need to work on myself, also that he cannot deal with this online relationship anymore. Now, I did not take this personally at first. Rationality kicked in. I told him that everyone needs to work on themselves to some degree. I let him vent while cutting me and our relationship down. Eventually we agreed on just staying friends after he apologized for what he said. He also suggested this the first time he had second thoughts, but quickly moved onto being back in a relationship.

    Right now I am giving myself and him space and time to heal after this unexpected turn of events, and just want to remain friends. Since I've had to deal with this before I am even more unsettled by his behavior. He's 8 years older than me and I did expect him to be more mature, but everyone has their own demons within to fight.

    I've decided for myself to remain friends with him and it may result in him not wanting to have anything to do with me. I am prepared for that as I am used to it. I just can't emotionally afford this anymore. Every time he does this I am struck with such fear that I lose my appitite and run on adrenaline. It's too much stress for me and on top of that I am still looking for a job, and found out that the courses for MOA that I took was a scam. I can't get a job with an uncredited diploma.

    I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent. I'm really not having a good time presently and it's also why I haven't been on CFS much. Haven't had a clear mind to reply or comment on posts.
     
  2. Online relationships are always iffy and can sometimes be dangerous.

    Please be careful and prayerful.

    I pray your heart heals quickly.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Thanks InHisLove. I know it can be dangerous and I have been very careful.
    I'm just so tired and worn out from trying to find someone only for them to bring me pain. My focus is now only on God and maybe that's what he wants from me.
    And I came across this verse yesterday morning before all that went down. "...But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." - 1Cor 7:28
    I read it again before bed and it's starting to make a lot of sense.
     
  4. I am so sorry, Christine. I wish there was something I could do.

    I will keep you in my prayers.
     
  5. This is a very difficult time for you and it sounds like the only stability you have is your Faith in the Lord...so that's what you need to rely on even more so right now.

    You cannot control anyone else but yourself (and right now that's even hard) so I would say that it's fair for your online bf to feel angry or resentful because he wants to see you and be with you. The two of you have developed an emotional attachment and you are lacking the companionship and intimacy (affection, physical connection) that every one of us desires. However it seems like you're not in the place in your life that you can offer a stable relationship to another person and that's not a bad thing, it's just reality right now. You do need to work on yourself. And what that means is throw your worries and concerns and fears at the Lord's feet. let Him take care of you. Let Him help you get your life back on track. Right now you cannot offer anything more than correspondence to your online bf cause that's all you have to give.

    When the time is right you can reconnect with him and maybe develop something more. But for now thats just not an option. He's mad cause he wants what he wants (you) right now and he is mad that he cant get that. But its not up to either of you. Your life is unstable and you need stability. That's your main goal.

    So place your chaos in the Lord's hands...believe He will help you and worry less about your relationships with others including your online bf.

    If you do this correctly then you will be fine..more than fine..cause that's what the Lord has promised you.
     
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  7. Um..wow your reaction to my post is exactly what I am talking about. I don't blame you for taking offense because like I said you're at a point in your life where you're overwhelmed and everything instills a reaction in you. Even useful information. And especially the truth.

    I never said I know the whole situation and I don't need to. You're the one who said you plan on seeing him in months from now. Therefore it would be a given that the relationship lacks any kind of physical contact...unless you have some sort of skype that allows physical touch?? What I mean is that ANY long distance relationship whether it be an online one or someone has moved away lacks the literal physical companionship that we desire out of relationships. A relationship without intimacy (and no I don't mean sex) dwindles quickly. I'm not saying that you yourself are incapable of intimacy I'm saying that geographically from what your post says it's established that you do not see this guy and hang out with him in person.

    I don't need to know you to see what's going on here. First of all I'm a psychologist and second of all you put enough information in your post that anyone can see what's going on here. You are emotionally unavailable and you're compulsive. It's not a bad thing, I happen to be the same right now. It's what you DO with those reactions that's makes them poor choices, such as being reactive.

    You need to work on yourself more so than just spirituality, and you're right, so does everyone else. No one is ever done growing. But the reason why I emphasized it, is because YOU asked for opinions by posting this story. You need to work on stabilizing your life and a good way to do that is to ask God for His help because it doesn't seem like you have control over that right now.

    None of this is an assumption unless of course your post is a lie. You can be mad all you want and change nothing about your life and then you can repost this message in months from now when nothing has changed. OR you can do something, anything, even a small thing about your current chaotic life and start putting the pieces together.

    I too will forgive you for your ignorance.

    I took time out of my day to reply to you (twice now) because I care about you, not because I know you, but because you are a Christian and you are in pain. If you're not ready to hear the reality of your situation then tell yourself everything is okay and do nothing.
     
  8. I did not ask for any opinions at all when I posted this thread. I think you need to read it again. I simply said I needed to vent, that is not an invitation to tell someone how they are.
    Everything you have said doesn't even apply to this thread. This is simply a personality clash and I would appreciate it if you stuck to the point of the thread. And lastly, I don't lie. I'd suggest you be careful what you post to people, read it over and make sure you aren't going to offend anyone. Thank you.
     
  9. I'm not going to respond to you anymore. I wish you the best. God Bless You.
     
  10. Christine -
    I will pray for you.
    As of right now, I do think it's wise that you took a break, even though you are hurting. But that just shows wisdom on your part! :)
    During this break, seek God out! I'm sure you already are, but if you aren't, seek him and see what He wants this relationship to be! :)
     
    Christine likes this.
  11. [​IMG]
     
  12. Thanks, the encouragement means a lot. I had to take a break from this site as I have not been feeling my godly-self.
    Thank you InHisLove :) Luv those emotes!
     
  13. Aw, I'm sorry. But guess what, we are sinners. Yes, we are FREE from sin (meaning, we won't pay the penalty of sin and that it has no dominion over us!). But we still sin. We still have those ungodly moments. But that's when you need to surround yourself WITH Christians. If you need to talk or even have a prayer request, you can email me. I keep everything confidential. Seriously. But if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, you can talk to another person too! :) They are great listeners and they offer such great support! :)

    Just know you are loved. Even with all your ungodliness. I care about you a lot!
    And guess what? Even when you sin, God's love for you remains constant! It's so amazing how much He's crazy about you! :) :) :)
     
  14. You know what? You're right and I don't know why I didn't even consider that. Next time I feel that way, I know who to go to :)
     
  15. [​IMG]
     
  16. I'm glad to hear that. As Christians, we gotta surround ourselves with Christians...especially when we go through something difficult. :)
     
    Christine likes this.

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