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I'm devastated, humiliated and I feel like I could die

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Sarah14, May 2, 2011.

  1. Hi again! My husband just dropped off my son and I saw a woman in his car. I'm still in shock. I confronted him, I asked her to get out of the car, but she refused. I feel so betrayed. He left 10 months ago, I've asked him many times to get back with me and now I find a woman in his car. I don't know how much more hurt and humiliation I can take. He was my high school sweetheart. He said we would be together forever, that he could not stop loving me. I lost a big part of my life and I don't want to go on...
     
  2. I'm so sorry to hear about this, Sarah. Dr. Willard Harley describes an affair as temporary insanity, and from what I've read and heard of people's experiences in this vein, I'm inclined to agree with him. You will get through this, but it will probably be like an illness. When you come down with the flu, you know that you will recover, but in the meantime you suffer aches and pains and misery. Your emotions will likely be all over; don't let them drive your decisions. Do you have someone in your life right now that can offer you a shoulder to cry on?
     
    Mercedes Benz E Class and Sarah14 say Amen and like this.
  3. Sarah, I'll pray for you, too. I just have don't have any answers but Rumely is right that you need to share what you're feeling right now to someone who will listen and cry with you.
     
  4. My mom and sisters are there for me, but I'm just tired. I've been sad for such a long time. How much more pain and suffering do I have to go through?
     
  5. Sarah, I understand what you are going through. My best advice to you (from personnal experience) is to pray continually and depend on God.

    When I went through this, I prayed repeatedly for God to help me exhibit good Christian behavior. I continually asked for Him to show me what the right thing to do at any given time was. I also was very honest about my feelings, sharing with my Lord even the feelings that I thought a good Christian shouldn't have, because He already knew, and asking Him to help me overcome.

    This is what God did to get me thru it all:
    I was attacked viciously by stupid people (there's a lot of them in the world :) ) It got so bad that I began thinking maybe I am crazy and this really is all my fault!! Surely I cannot be right and everyone else wrong......but God assured me He was with me. And that He would deal with those who wronged me, in time. In fact that is the only time in my life that I feel absolutely no blame for anything that happened - before or after!

    That assuance was very clear and unmistakable. It got me through.

    This is in no way your fault!!!! It is the stupidity and self-centerness of your husband!

    Focus on your son!!!!! At least one of his parents needs to set a good example.

    I know what we have said has not fixed the problem, probably not even lightened your burden, but I know God can get you through this.

    I am sorry I cannot offer you more. I wish I could.

    Ginger
     
    gemma likes this.
  6. sarah! (hug)
    i am so sorry to hear that. rejection, especially from your own husband, creates deep wounds.
    i pray that God is close to you during this time. he always is.
    a good scripture that always helps me is Psalm 34:18. He's close to your broken heart <3
    he has compassion for those who go through trials.

    Go to God <3 <3 <3
     
  7. Thank you for trying to make me feel better. I can't say I feel a lot better, but your kindness warms my heart. To Ginger, did you divorce too? Did your husband cheat on you and leave you? How is your life now? I don't want to only survive this. I want to be happy, really happy. Someday, I want to think about all this and laugh as if I needed to go through that because God had something better for me.
     
  8. Jesus knows your circumstances

    [​IMG]

    pray...
     
  9. Wow Elmer, I love this image. I feel just like that woman. I am tired and I can't take any more pain. I desperately need comfort from jesus. I wish Jesus could lift me up and hold me in his arms right now...I've been strong for more than a year, people look at me and admire my strenght, but they never stop to think that being strong and happy can be two different things.

    Also, I have to be honest. I read about many christians saying that they've been trough something similiar, that they've suffered a lot and they say that God helped them overcome the situation. But very few seem happy, they only talk about how it's been 5-10 years since the divorce and they are single but at peace. When I read all that, I get really depressed. Is that all I can hope for? Being okay? God said he would give us double for our trouble, so why aren't those people remarried yet? Are they successful? I was happy the first 3 years of my marriage, my husband was my best friend. So now that I'm hurt, I should only hope to be ok alone?

    I'm sorry if I sound angry. I am. We didn't have money, we kind of struggled, but I never hoped for money. Everynight I thanked God because I had found a good man. Now I work and don't struggle for money anymore, but I lost a big part of myself. The only man I've ever love. Why did God let him betray me this way? The humiliation is breaking my heart. There's a fire inside of me and I'm afraid it will consume me. I'd really appreciate answers to my questions.
     
  10. Yes, I know it wouldn't make everything better :)
    But run to God! Spend some good time crying out to Him!
    He will carry you through this <3 <3

    The Bible does say we will go through trials. And through it all, God remains close to ya!
     

  11. 5 years after my divorce (So, two and a half years ago), I could say that I was FINALLY "single and at peace". Prior to that, I was pretty miserable, for a long time. For the first two years, I spent most of my time trying to break some kind of world's record for the most suicide attempts. God didn't let me die, and for a long time I was even more angry about that than about my wife leaving me.

    It was that "single and at peace" thing that seemed to really change things for me. My ex-wife had remarried, and I'm actually good friends with her and her husband, and I love their baby. I helped coach his kids last year in basketball, and I've even baby-sitted them from time to time. I gave it to God, and was finally able to walk away and not pick it up again. But understand, that took 5 very long, very hard years. The things that I like about myself come from that time, not the time before. It all made me who I am, and God has blessed me in ways I never could have imagined. No, I'm not remarried, but I will be...in a week actually.
     
  12. Sarah, I didn't have my family and friends with me when I was going through some trial and persecutions (by, ahem, people professing to be Christians) but Ginger gave you the advice that I did. A day or hour didn't pass without me crying, talking and being honest to God. He's the only one I got and He's the only Friend I had/have.

    He saved my marriage, I don't know how, but it seemed that God found us ways to be surrounded by loving, mature, true Christians. I urge you to find a good church as well.
     
  13. Congratulations Banarenth, I'm really happy for you!! :) That's the kind of story that I like. Your story too Gemma. It gives me hope for the future.
     
    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  14. You make it sound as though staying single following a divorce is a bad thing. When I read the words that someone is single and at peace, to me it says that they are perfectly content in their singleness -- which is actually a good place to be. You write that few of them seem happy, but in reality those who have found peace are often quite happy. Those who lack peace or those who constantly feel a need to fill some sort of void, those are the individuals who are the unhappy ones. This does not mean that everyone who desires to re-marry is not happy, but those who truly are happy have usually first found peace.

    Martial status does not indicate an individual's "success."

    I know dozens of individuals who are very happy, very "successful," but also are very divorced and very content in being single. Our society pushes people to equate happiness with marriage (or with being with someone). If someone chooses to be single and never marry, or chooses to never re-marry, chooses not to date, etc. then we act as though something is wrong with the individual. I saw a church announcement the other day for a "graduation banquet" for their youth, and the bottom words said, "Graduate and their date is free." This is only one example that illustrates my comment about our society.
     
  15. I agree with you. I've just never been single during my adult life and I know that to me, success is love and family. For some people it's their career or having good friends and that's alright. If I have to be a single mother, I at least need something to take my mind off of all the stress in my life. I guess it doesn't have to be a man, but I need something.
     
  16. Sarah, Don't apologize for being angry. You have every right to be. Even Jesus got angry, but it was righteous anger!!! The Bible says don't let your anger cause you to sin. So, be angry until you are finished being angry.

    Yes, I am divorced. He did more than cheat, but I do not have time to go into it now. What I can tell you is it will get better, but it takes time.

    Ginger
     
    Rumely likes this.
  17. Thank you Ginger, I'm glad to know that you feel better. You seem like a beautiful person inside and out. I guess I'll just...wait until it gets better for me. I saw him an hour ago. He was so cool while he was telling me that it's over that I chocked him. I even punched him. I don't feel any better, so I'll just endure the pain.
     
  18. I think someone already said this, but you need something for yourself ....

    First, Focus on your son and other children - you'll be able to look back and feel proud of yourself for putting their well-bing first and setting a good example, AND you'll be able to say, "yeah, I made some mistakes, but nobody's perfect. I did the best I do, and I'm glad"

    Second, find a group to support you, who will be non-judgmental and give you good advice and support. Maybe Alanon (sp) I know they are for relatives of alcoholics, but they can be very supportive because your husband in some ways is acting like an addict by putting himself before anything without considering the consequences to everyone involved.... all he sees is what he wants right now.

    Remember to thank God for the blessing and for what He will accomplish through the temporary pain you are suffering right now.

    Ginger
     
  19. Thank you! I don't know why, but I feel better this afternoon. I just have a question for for everyone. Do you think we reap what we sow? I don't mean that I want God to punish him, but I want my husband to someday be aware of all the harm he did to me. I want him to feel my pain, even for a day. Have you heard stories of husbands or wives that lived happily ever after even though they've their spouses and kids? How is your ex Ginger?
     
  20. My story is very long and perhaps I will share it with you someday. But for today I will tell you that he is alone and lonely and drinks a lot.

    I expect someday he will find another girlfriend, but it probably won't last because the issues that led to our divorce have never been deal with. He will follow the same pattern for all his life unless he makes up his mind to change.

    As for me I care nothing about him except for as far as it effects our children. I had to start over at 50 (I'll be 52 this fall) so most of my struggles at this point are trying to be a single mom, work full-time and still spend sufficient tiome with my four minor children (the ex doesn't spend much time with them)

    My life is not perfect but it is moving in the right direction - slowly!
    I am a very blunt person and I say it like it is...

    You've heard the saying, what goes around comes around. The woman your husband is cheating with obviously knows he's married and doesn't care!!!! Shes a slut....(can I say that on here? I don't know how else to put it)

    Your husband is with a woman who has no morals. Deep down inside he knows it and at some point there will be trouble.

    Happily ever after? It's doubtful.

    Go ahead and tell God what you just posted He knows how you feel and it's okay! Right or wrong, your feelings are real and the Bible is filled with chosen people who called for justice and received it.There is nothing wrong with expressing your pain to God - as long as you don't let those feelings get in the way of your relationship with God.

    Ginger
     

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