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If i may please be vulnerable

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Mercedes Benz E Class, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. #1 Mercedes Benz E Class, Aug 13, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2015
    I don't want to be single forever. I REALLY don't want to spend my life alone.

    And no I am not going to pray those prayers of "let me desire You God more than anything else".

    I have prayed them through my ears. I am so tired cause I don't know where they go.

    I have done my best to keep my self pure physically. I may have even done a great job.

    But it just feels like time is rolling by, daily. And everything else is not. As in the chances of settling down are not.

    How do I deal with this?

    Of late I have just been so depressed. Each night before I go home. Like "going home again to what?"
    Like I don't even wanna go home.

    When I sleep I sleep hard enough.

    Then I wake up at 2.00am as if jumping out of my sleep, my heart racing. And then the rudest thought, as if to provoke me into accepting that "this just aint gonna happen for you, you know. you are ending up ALLLOOOONNNNEEE" jerks me out of my sleep.

    Then somehow I fall back to sleep.

    But in the morning, I have to peel myself off the floor. I am just that heavy when I wake up. And drag myself to the bathroom cause life just has to go on somehow you know.

    Can God ever take away that desire for marriage if He doesn't want it for you? I just want to crash out in bed and watch movies for x5 endless days.

    Maybe when am out I will be able to deal with this heartbreak.

    Love you all.

    God bless.
    autumn oddity likes this.
  2. The worst is how all these mediocre guys seem to be so available.
    The ones that are ok but not ok.
    Either too old
    Too broke.

    The person who I thought was that person, it just reached some
    uncomfortable ultimatum and now we haven't talked since Monday
    (about 3 days ago).

    I am 38 turning 39 and everyone else is taken. And I cant be wasting
    time. Oh no.

    Lord what did I do with myself when I had the chance. In my prime.
    Now I dread turning 40 alone - yaaaaaaaaaccccck

    Feeling bleugh over here
  3. Everybody is mediocre somehow or another.... Everybody is "Ok but not Ok"... Everybody has their hang ups and their weirdness and everybody is mediocre - even you... You need to get over that.... The people who look the most beautiful and all together usually turn out to be wrecks under the fascade....

    Really, you need to be looking for the people who are the "Diamonds in the rough" and figure out how to reject the "Fools gold" and the "Just plain rough"....

    You will have to take stock of yourself and understand what qualities you really NEED the most in another - and then focus your search on finding and preparing yourself for that - and 100% of everything else is negotiable.... When you talk about money and age - it's obvious that you don't really know what sort of personality qualities you NEED in a man so that you can get along with him and he can get along with you for 24 hours a day for 30 years....

    For instance... What sort of woman is a 28 year old millionaire really going after? What sort of woman is a 45 year old dentist looking for?

    For me, personally - I realized that the friendships I had (even same sex regular friendships) that were the most successful long term were with those people who were fun and laid back.... The ones I couldn't deal with for very long were the "High maintenance", Controlling and Obsessive types... But - I know people who really loved those sort of people and couldn't deal with easy going laid back people....

    Then.. Don't wait around.
    Elizabeth O and Mercedes Benz E Class say Amen and like this.
  4. Keep it in prayer.
    I am single and I don't want to be, however I am leaving it in God's capable hands.
    Elizabeth O and Mercedes Benz E Class say Amen and like this.
  5. At times my own daughter goes through times like this. She will soon be 35 and has yet to meet the right man for her. She has made Jesus Christ the Lord of her life, and He continually tells her that "He's coming, he's around the corner!" But then another year goes by with the promise unfulfilled. In the meantime all the young people in their early twenties in our church are meeting and getting engaged and having wonderful weddings...and she is feeling left behind. My heart breaks for her. She is usually very patient, but her veneer is beginning to crack...and I don;t mind saying I am getting a bit fed up myself!

    The only thing that has kept her going all these years is knowing that God has His plan and she is not about to step out of it. Seeking after God and His will for her life is her highest priority. She believes she is being called and spiritually groomed for a position as one of our campus pastors one day, so this man who we are waiting for is going to be a special guy!

    I believe that there is one special guy out there for you, and God has your paths converging, but apparently, as in the case of my daughter, that convergence is somewhere yet in front of you!

    What alleviates some of the angst is to devote time to prayer for the man, as it is obvious (in my daughter's case) that he is still in need of some sort of teaching or adjustment in his life, or he'd be here already. God wants people to be perfectly matched, spiritually...so come on guy---get it together!
    Elizabeth O, Elizabeth Lambino and Mercedes Benz E Class says Amen and like this.
  6. Thank you Euphemia,

    Get it together lol.

    Well I should just die to that desire I suppose. That's the best way of dealing with it.

    I had a friend I knew so well. She was a virgin at 37 years. And all the guys were
    intimidated with her cause she was a medical doctor and wanted the best for herself.

    She wasn't prepared to step out of God's will.

    One day she gave up. And did something totally so stupid. I never encouraged this
    but she had reached her limit. Everyone around her was getting married, babies etc.

    It gets to me when I see young kids like young young kids getting married so effortlessly.

    So anyways, after that night of a silly mistake she was totally shaken. Something had
    to give. She took a flight and went to visit one of our friends at the time in America.
    They went on a cruise to Hawai and back.

    Then after that she went to a medical conference in China. Wow. That's where this
    one guy who was there - everybody kept paring them together. Eventually she
    found out that he was 151% saved. The type that just doesn't compromise.

    He was so much spiritually stronger than her.

    Cut a long story short. He married her and made a baby with her within 1.5 years
    of meeting.

    None of this dating - lets see where it goes.

    So I suppose. To get the best you have to put in your best in waiting.

    Thank you for your daughter's story. She sounds well on a good path.
    Its encouraging knowing we not alone :)

    Euphemia likes this.

  7. Thank you Fish.

    For some reason I found this really encouraging.

    I couldn't tell you how.

    But thanks.
  8. My pleasure. :)
    I am speaking from how I understand God's answers to me.

    Keep your faith strong my friend, God has a plan and will work wonders in your life.
    Cturtle and Mercedes Benz E Class say Amen and like this.
  9. Before I got married I had three girlfriends in my life. I was a nerd and no one dates nerds. After high school's junior year all through college and three years in the air force...no one. Then I flew to Madrid to meet my pen pal to say goodbye as we hadn't written in over a year and my Spanish was going the way of Latin. I was smitten. She was a Christian (resent) and we just hit it off. The Lord said "ask her". Ask her what I thought then I decided to ask her to marry me after three days. She said yes and we were married nine months later and we are on our 25th wedding anniversary. We have three wonderful kids (23, 20, 18). While it is easy to think that God is waiting on us , a lot of times God is waiting on our partner . So just be at peace and wait on the Lord and give Him all the glory and the honor and all will work out.
    Elizabeth Lambino, Cturtle and Mercedes Benz E Class says Amen and like this.

  10. Thanks for your reply.

    Maybe when I said mediocre I meant they are not saved. And I am getting to the point where I am thinking if he has 80% of the traits I look for and is not saved I will go.

    There are great guys also around. But not saved. Then you get the saved who are still up to their own lives.

    Ok I mentioned money and age cause in the depths of my thoughts that's what I could articulate best without going too deep.

    But what if the person God brings me is younger than me, but works very hard and has a lot of integrity and treats me very well.

    Can God ever bring you someone who is not saved?

    I don't believe in pickiness. He could be older. Like I had this doctor guy who is about 65 asking me out. And well established with money whatever. But he likes women. That to me is mediocre. If it was anything else and say he was just much older but stable - I would be cool with that. I would have been cool with that guy had he not loved women.

    And the saved guys seem all taken. Every one of them. The church is full. Full of married people.

    So I am not picky in the wrong sense. Its silly to be that way. :)

  11. Abdicate that's beautiful. I also love nerds.

    But yours is a fairy story. It was just 1,2,3 and bam you have marriage made in heaven.

    Some of us are not so lucky. We suck at relationships. Maybe we get good opportunities but we throw them away.

    Abdicate I turn 40 in a year and a bit.


  12. Amen. Thanks.
  13. I know It sounds like a marriage made in heaven and it really is but I had nobody for years too. So I do know what you're going through because I would see my friends run off with their girlfriends or boyfriends and I had nobody. Moses wasn't called until he was 80 years old. I would worry only about being close to God and let Him open our hearts to be able to see that the person we need is sometimes right in front of us. I don't wish to make you feel bad that wasn't the reason I told you my story. I wanted you to see that even without knowing who is coming the Lord prepared a way from me. You just have to be receptive to his promptings and patience. I will be praying for you and God bless.
    Cturtle likes this.
  14. Your story didn't make me feel bad at all.
    It was beautiful how it happened.
    It just seemed so much easier for you.

    But I get it. The ultimate place to be is where you just trust God.
    That's where I need to be. But its hard.
    I can trust God with my tithe for years and not compromise it one bit.

    Why is this so hard.
    Abdicate likes this.
  15. Our flesh and its desires make it more difficult than it really is. And the devil knows that we are waiting for the Lord's timing, so in order to try to throw us off....here comes the pressure. And the pressure can be very strong because he does not want us to succeed in God's plan for us.

    I am one of those who did not wait, like God desired. And it cost me big time. Now things are different and God is the ever present help in the time of need. Focusing on Him makes things much easier, and the only way to have peace in the storm. I'll be praying for you :)

    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  16. Thank you CTurtle,
    That was really humble.
    I also think that if I compromise its happiness for that one moment
    and then you look into the future.
    So thanks for that.
    Cturtle likes this.
  17. I find when I'm focused on something I truly want it tends to become something bigger than it is, and it distracts me from being focused on God . The devil will find something else to get you focused on until your are steadfast on Jesus. Remember what Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added onto us . Think of it this way: you're walking along and you stub your toe against a piece of furniture. It hurts a lot. Now you have a choice. You either focus on the pain and then the pain actually gets more painful because your brain senses that you wish to focus on that event. Therefore it devotes more resources to focusing on that task which is the pain. For the other side is if we ignore the pain and go back to our business then before you know it, the pain is gone. Later that night you notice a bruise and wonder when that happened, and you actually have to allocate resources to remember what happened. This is because your brain is not focusing on that area as much and is able to not give all its resources devoted to that cause. So don't focus on the fact you have no one. You have Jesus. And when you focus on Him then He will give you the desires of your heart.

    Indeed it is hard because the flesh is strong in that area and it has a lot of resources devoted to that focus. Peace and blessings on you. :D
    Angela333, Cturtle and Mykuhl says Amen and like this.
  18. And bottom line Abdicate, this is actually idolatry.

    Because God is not on the throne. I have chosen to put someone else
    or something else as my 24hr focus. Not even reading my bible as I

    So I guess I don't much telling why I am in a spin. Its clear I am not
    on track. :(

    I suppose I must engage the process of withdrawal now. And change
    sources of where my happiness has been coming from.

    I will go cold turkey and then just worship Jesus. I suppose idols for
    a moment activate or trigger the pleasure centres of your brain,
    releasing serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin, which temporarily
    make you happy. Withdrawal is just like a drug withdrawal.

    I prefer that Jesus be my pleasure centre now. Not relationships
    or focus on them.

    Help me Pappi.

    PS. Lol on the bruises. Happened a couple of times where I will
    have a dark mark but totally clueless as from where it came.
    Obviously in the moment I just ignored it. Good skill.
    Cturtle and Abdicate say Amen and like this.
  19. We are wired for joy, God's joy. With its absences, the brain calculates other things to fill the gap: pleasure. This is why pleasure can be a found in food, shopping, sex/pornography, drugs, alcohol, debates, TV, gambling, sports, internet surfing, friends, etc. . All these things try and fail to substitute for the joy of the Lord. Each of these substitutes lead to death, sometimes short term others might take a lifetime, but the end is death. I've been a Christian for 37 years and I just learned that last month. Now I understand really in my daily walk what this means:

    Titus 2:11-15 KJV For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

    Indeed the word lust means what one thinks it means, but it also means: desire, craving, longing. I have so much to learn.
  20. Dating is not mentioned in the bible. It is a modern cultural pastime. As Christians we would do well to forget about that. A kind of courting is more in keeping with scripture, and I have seen many young people commit to a courtship, and refused to date, which in the world is merely a poor excuse for promiscuity.

    You are definitely not alone!
    Elizabeth Lambino, Mercedes Benz E Class and Mykuhl says Amen and like this.

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