I don't want to be single forever. I REALLY don't want to spend my life alone. And no I am not going to pray those prayers of "let me desire You God more than anything else". I have prayed them through my ears. I am so tired cause I don't know where they go. I have done my best to keep my self pure physically. I may have even done a great job. But it just feels like time is rolling by, daily. And everything else is not. As in the chances of settling down are not. How do I deal with this? Of late I have just been so depressed. Each night before I go home. Like "going home again to what?" Like I don't even wanna go home. When I sleep I sleep hard enough. Then I wake up at 2.00am as if jumping out of my sleep, my heart racing. And then the rudest thought, as if to provoke me into accepting that "this just aint gonna happen for you, you know. you are ending up ALLLOOOONNNNEEE" jerks me out of my sleep. Then somehow I fall back to sleep. But in the morning, I have to peel myself off the floor. I am just that heavy when I wake up. And drag myself to the bathroom cause life just has to go on somehow you know. Can God ever take away that desire for marriage if He doesn't want it for you? I just want to crash out in bed and watch movies for x5 endless days. Maybe when am out I will be able to deal with this heartbreak. Love you all. God bless.