I Really Need Advice In My Current Situation, Please Help.

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Ariela Crippa, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. I am currently going through such a hard situation with what I thought was my fiance in which I hope is a test of strength from God. I have been praying and asking God to please bless me with a wonderful Christian man and in December 2011 he did. Our journey together officially began January 18, 2012. We've had such a beautiful relationship and even since day one we were so deeply in love. I remember the first time my family invited him over for dinner he out of the blue sat with my parents and told them to worry no more since he is the man they have been searching for their daughter to be with all their life and told them he was going to marry me. One month later in front of my house he got down on one knee and promised me forever and promised to God he would never no matter how hard and tough things got would break up with me and we would always work it out and asked me if I accepted in which of course I did!
    Beginning May 2012 we began living together in his small studio apartment behind his mother house and everything was perfect until I found out I was pregnant and miscarried at 2 months and lost our child. It truly devastated us and hurt us to know we lost a blessing from God. We then became stronger and started traveling to San Antonio and began trying new things together like fishing. Then in September 2012 I found out I was pregnant once again and miscarried 2 weeks after. Once again we were devastated and I honestly thought something was wrong with me since I could not go through with a pregnancy. I then made an appointment with my gynecologist and she informed me due to many attempts at conceiving and the pregnancies failing my body had weakened and I would have a difficult time trying to have children and also diagnosed me with Mild Dysplasia which could lead to cervical cancer. After such news I was heartbroken and torn apart since we wanted to have a family in the near future. Then after a few months of being depressed and then regaining strength and optimism I found out in December 2012 I was pregnant once again! Thank God!!!
    After finding out such amazing news we began searching for a larger apartment after 3 months pregnant since we needed way more room than was provided at his studio. We looked into some great apartments both near our jobs and settled with one just 15 minutes away from both our jobs. After moving in I went in for a routine check up at 4 months and was told I was going to have a hard pregnancy since I was told I most likely could never have children to begin with and I was suffering from high blood pressure due to the pregnancy and had placenta previa and there was a chance my mild dysplasia could get worse with the pregnancy but I of course did not care as long as our child was born. But we had faith everything would be just fine and we would get through this and soon meet our beautiful baby and blessing in disguise. This truly was a third chance and blessing sent from God! Then during my 5th month check up we found out our sons heart was growing outside of his chest and had fetal SVT (where his heartbeat is abnormally fast) in which my fiance also suffers from. My doctor assured me not to worry since it was something that could surely be taken care of immediately after birth with surgery. Again praying hard and hoping for the best we continued to prepared to soon meet our son Alessandro. Then on July 1st 2013,when I went in for my 7th month check up, my doctor could not locate a heartbeat and I was induced into labor where I gave birth to the body of our son. After this life changing experience I just wanted to give up. LITERALLY. I became suicidal and had so much anger inside of me. Thank God my fiance kept strong and if it wasnt for him I dont know what I would have done since his family was not there for us. (his parents are very religious and did not want anything to do with us until we got married). I then went in for a postpartum check up for my mild dysplasia in August and was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
    Then on September 14th, the day our son Alessandro would have been born, we decided to go watch a boxing match with his family in which did not end well at all! I began to get very emotional and drank 2 beers in which I got drunk off of and got hysterically emotional to where I got into a silly argument with my fiance and walked out. I asked him to please go home with me since I was no longer comfortable and he said no so I got very angry and began saying things I should not have and began grabbing him and pulling him towards the car, once he got in the car with me I drove off and I began yelling and crying hysterically saying our son should have been born today and I did not want to live any longer and threatened to jump out of the car and ran red lights. Drunk, emotional, and putting his life in danger my fiance left due to my emotional breakdown. Then following morning while I was out looking for him at a family members house he went to our apartment and took all of his belongings and ignored me for a whole week even changing his number.

    Since then, 3 weeks now, I hardly get to see him and honestly do not know what to do. I feel so horrible for what I've done. My parents and family will not talk to me due to my actions and have completely disowned me and are asking me to please fix this. My pastor and fellow brothers and sisters from church give me strength by letting me know it was not right for him to just walk out like that and it was an honest cry out for help on my part and he might just need time and assured me we are married in the eyes of God and are meant to be together and the signs of that are beginning with the pregnancies. I let what I hope still is my fiance know that and he deny's is saying we are not married in the eyes of God not even by common law regardless if we have a lease signed husband and wife together and have done many things saying we were husband and wife concerning his credit and etc. I am honestly so lost and confused and do not know what to do or how to fix this. I am in need of prayers and advice. PLEASE
  2. #2 Brother_Mike_V, Oct 10, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2013
    Slow done there...TMI (Information overload)...give us small chunks.

    We are dealing with multiple issues here and to be frank-your a mess. But that's what we are here for. Since I do have experience in the loss of child, I believe this is the heart of most of your issues. Also the root of your relationship was not fully established with your 'husband'. The "Act" of marriage is sex-in God's eyes once you have sex with said person-once you give up your virginity-you have been 'wedded' to that person else it is adultery or something more sinister. A 'marriage license' from the state is just that-a piece of paper. A ceremony by a Pastor-is your Godly public declaration of commitment to one another: in which nowadays all three of these steps must be completed to recognize a "marriage" in our culture.

    Regardless-you and your "fiance" need to deal with your emotional baggage from the loss of your child. You both need counseling at your local Bible believing Church of which you are a member of .....(right)? An online forum is no place for this type of issue. You need to set your heart on seeking God first-so He can give an answer that you will hear.
  3. I created this forum for advice and to be lead in the right direction. I need advice as to whether it is right for him to leave as a Christian and to see if we truly are married in the eyes of God.
  4. Well, like I said-you need to be "legally" married, and give your public testimony of "marriage" to the Church if you want God to be in it. Legally-if you guys have been 'pretending' to be married-the law can bind you in many ways depending on where you live and the local/ state / federal laws that apply to you. (You could also be looked at for fraud depending on the situation).

    As a "Christian"; neither one of you should have been found in this situation of questionable marriage to begin with. What I see here is rebellion and disobedience to God-now you want God to 'fix' it. It doesn't work that way.

    If I were a judge in the case of whether or not that "it is right for him to leave as a Christian"; I would have to define "Christian" and see if either one of you fall into that category? Have both of you been "saved"? If you died today do you know 100% without a doubt you would go to heaven? Do you understand what salvation is?

    My concern is not so much him leaving-it is the heart condition of your relationship first with God and second with your 'fiance' and your family. If you are looking for some sort of justification to throw your fiances faith back in his face-I am not going to give that to you. Both of you need counseling-grief counseling; marriage counseling as far as I can tell from what you have posted. I fear you are trying to find ammunition for a war that does not need to be fought.....this is not the way of Christ.
  5. Hi @Ariela Crippa, I have deleted duplicate threads that you posted in the other forums. It is better to maintain one thread only if the thread content is the same otherwise it can cause confusion. Please continue the discussion here. Thank you.
  6. My dear, I really sympathize with you. Your fiancé's behaviour/reaction to this isn't expected to be Christian since all this time you both have been living in a rather unchristianly fashion. God actually intended good for the both of you. He had a perfect plan made in his own rules. The thing is, the moment we stop following his rules, he puts his plans on hold. Of course, the devil takes over and you get a lot of things you didn't bargain for. I've had a similar experience although in a different area of my life. The babies you lost must have been God's way of calling you back. I know u know but he loves you and wants you more than anyone in this world ever can or will. My advice to you is to return to God. Listen to Him this time because it's so easy for us to be deafened by our own cries that we do hear God's response. You've been comfortable in sin. Now that's not your place as a child of God. Return home and allow God to work in your life. I would love to hear from you
  7. You call him your fiancé. So, the answer is no, you guys are not married in God's eyes. Why this whole pretend to be married thing? Why not just really be married?

    You living with a man outside of marriage, and sexually active with him. God is not going to bless that.

    I'm not sure if this is considered an old thread, it was only back in October. But if the issue still stands, I wanted to reply.
  8. They are not married in God's eyes. Two people having sex doesn't make them married... otherwise they wouldn't be called fornicators.
  9. I'm so sorry for your losses, Ariela. Saying a prayer for you. I hope everything has worked out for you. I hope your fiance has realized that it was a cry for help.
  10. Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

    Genesis 4:1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.

    Genesis 11:29 And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah.

    Genesis 24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

    Genesis 29:
    23 And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
    24 And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.
    25 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
    26 And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.
    27 Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
    28 And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.

    Judges 14:
    2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
    3 Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.

    7 And he went down, and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well.
    8 And after a time he returned to take her...

    10 So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do.

    15 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they said unto Samson's wife, Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father's house with fire: have ye called us to take that we have? is it not so?
    16 And Samson's wife wept before him...

    1 Kings 11
    2...Solomon clave unto these in love.
    3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

    2 Samuel 11
    4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

    27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.

    2 Samuel 12
    10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.
    11 Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun.
    12 For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.

    Matthew 19:4
    4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
    5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

    6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

    Mark 10:
    6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
    7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

    8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
    9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

    1 Corinthians 7:
    2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
    3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
    4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
    5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

    Show me in the 'law'/ the scriptures that a "marriage" is performed by a priest. This is a tradition, a wedding 'feast' / ceremony is a tradition. The "law" concerning marriage is written in cases of divorce.

    Deuteronomy 24:
    1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
    2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
    3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
    4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
    5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath

    See also Deuteronomy 20:7/ 21:11,13 / 22:13
    Huntingteckel likes this.
  11. So, if someone sleeps around, are they married to all of them or just the first one? If a person sleeps with their girlfriend or boyfriend, then gets a new one and married that one, are they not really married because they are "married" to the first person they slept with? So all the people who married someone who had slept with someone else prior are not married because of the past sexual relationship? They are married to the first person? Oh, boy.
  12. It's our brains that are 'living outside of marriage' after our flesh is 'joined together'; thinking in ourselves that we are 'not married' which makes us "fornicators".

    The cleaving of the flesh; male & female- is the testimony to a 'marriage union' whether we acknowledge it or not. So I am guessing Adam & Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel weren't REALLY married since there was no "priests" or courthouses available to issue a "marriage license".

    There are 3 persons involved in a marriage, man + woman + God. People like to 'hook-up' and pretend God doesn't know about it.

  13. You think Solomon had 700 weddings? I guess it is possible...He was a pretty rich king after all.
  14. As children of God (As TRUE children of God) we are supposed to recognize that we live in 2 dimensions: The physical is just the act of sex alone. BUT we are 2 part beings with a third HOLY part (the Holy Spirit) when we become Christians.

    The Spiritual & the Physical are joined together in the act whether we acknowledge it or not. The Holy Spirit is a witness.
  15. #15 Sweet Pea, Apr 7, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2014
    So, people who did not marry a virgin are not really married then? Person A slept around, person B did not. These two get married. They are not married because person A was sexually active before they got married.

    Person A and B both slept around, met each other and got married, but are not married because they are each "married" to prior people.

    Person A slept with someone who had slept around. Married someone else later who also slept with someone who had slept with other people. Who are they married to? Can't be the first person because that person had slept with other people prior.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.

  16. You do ere-if we are following God's plan from the beginning-none of these situations would be created-hence the problems we create with free will beings....

    No wonder we break His heart daily.

    It was not meant to be like this.
  17. Thankfully we serve a God of mercy and forgiveness.

    When we confess & REPENT truly and get in God's plan- He can make any situation work for His children.

    Isn't forgiveness from our Savior marvelous! AMEN!
    Apologia and Sal say Amen and like this.
  18. I understand that, but it happens. You are not married to someone just because you slept with them. That wouldn't make sense for the above reasons. No one would ever be fornicating with that train of thought, but the Bible talks about fornicating.
  19. Also, we are to follow the law of the land, which requires a marriage certificate for a valid marriage.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  20. Here's the thing, as God's Children-which we are by #1 Creation- physically, and then #2 by Faith-spiritually; we are supposed to be teaching the next generation God's plan-when that doesn't happen, we end up in a world like we are in now. Where everyone is 'hooking up':

    Genesis 6:
    1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
    2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
    3 And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.
    4 There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
    5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
    6 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
    7 And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

    Matthew 24:
    37 But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
    38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
    39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

    SEE the bigger picture....

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