I realized how much I love God Today, when replying to the thread Once saved, always saved?, I realized how much I loved God. It wasn't like hearts falling from my eyeballs, but I realized I don't want to sin because I don't want to hurt God. I love Him so much that I wouldn't want to have to know how hurt He would be if He saw me doing something bad for me. I've been having thoughts about doing things to make me feel like I'm loved because I feel rejected and unloved from the rocky relationship with my father and all. I haven't realized where this urge was coming from, but now I realize why I'm feeling like this. I realized I'm craving approval from men to substitute for the loss of my father. I don't even know if I love my dad, but there was never that "connection" I see other kids with. And, being female, I guess it's kind of just worse. I think at one point in my life I probably would have done what I've thought of doing, but I realized "Why would I do that? Why would I do something to fill up a desire that will never been filled anyways?" God has given me that loss of love. He's given me comfort, dried my tears, and listened to everything I've had to say. He's respected me as a person, not just a little dumb girl that's supposed to be your little "attention" magnet. God loves me for who I am, He doesn't just look at what I have on the outside and the material objects He's blessed me with. He's always been there for me and I never realized it. I also now know how much I love God. I think I never knew because I was reserved and cold, because I had to learn to create this barrier between me and everyone if they tried to hurt me. I never knew what true love felt like, until this all happened. I realized how much my mother, my grandmother, my birds, my dogs, and God love me. It's a special feeling. I realize that the love God has given me is as precious as a rare object. It's something prized and beautiful and hard to get, but once you receive it you'll never let it go.