I Made Someone Mad / Disappointed

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by jmilly, May 7, 2014.

  1. #1 jmilly, May 7, 2014
    Last edited: May 7, 2014
    I am currently living at a family friend' s house (while she lives in a different house, in a different city) I thought I was doing a good job of keeping the place clean. I am only here for 12 hours out of the day any way, and 8 of those are spent sleeping. I really didn't think I was causing a big problem
    but she and a friend came to visit, and i just got home and they were in a very angry mood. Apparently the friend was cleaning for the last 3 hours, and she was complaining about how her hands are all raw and her back hurts. the homeowner was in the other room. The friend pulls me aside and whispers about how i need to clean this and that and how the counter had crumbs on it, and how this other thing was filthy and whatnot. I was professional about it and said I would keep it clean. I put on a confident facade though I guess i felt embarrassed or something. I asked why she was whispering, and she said because they didn't want to "hurt my feelings"
    I said i could've cleaned it, and I felt bad because the friend was complaining about how hard she worked. I said she shouldn't have had to clean on her vacation and she said she didn't mind (right...so why complain). I held myself together and told the homeowner that I'm sorry if I have made it a mess, I thought I kept it clean and apologized and said i would've cleaned it. I guess I wasn't profuse enough (ha, this sort of goes to my other post about forgiveness). But they just went to dinner, and I am feeling very upset and near crying.
    I don't know, I guess I don't have a point in this post. But something about having the friend clean up this apparent mess that I made and then like not communicating with me directly... It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I would have totally cleaned up whatever mess. it sort of made me feel more weird that the friend cleaned for me and was going on and on about how much trouble it was. I mean if I am living in your house, maybe if you have a certain way you want things, you should tell me? Last time, she told me I can keep my bedroom messy if I want because it is my bedroom.
    Some of the stuff she cleaned I thought was pretty clean already.... so i mean clearly my "standard" of cleaniness is not high enough :-/ I told the homeowner i'm sorry and that I'd keep it clean from now on and asked how to clean certain things. Again I acted confident and cheerful about it, but I felt awkward. She said it's not a big deal and she didn't care that much (that SURE is not what the other woman implied)
    I mean I don't know. I guess I've been lazy, and I can tell already in writing this post that I'm starting to justify and get defensive. I guess my point here is to vent and to ask for some advice.
    I'm SO glad I found a place where I can do that. Later this week I will have my small group and I will talk to them about it.

    I don't want to be a nuisance or make her feel like I'm trashing her home... I guess it comes as more of a shock since I was going along thinking I was keeping the place pretty tidy. I suppose I wasn't.... :-/

    I feel like I'm going to cry.. and it's not that my feelings are hurt... I guess it's more like I feel like I've let someone down. I feel stressed or something. Anybody know what it is?!
  2. Seems like an awkward situation to be in.. Maybe thats what you are feeling, awkward?

    My flesh side would be annoyed if someone was telling me I wasn't clean enough. Was it in fact your mess? Or are they expecting you to clean after others?

    I would think to just clean more to avoid any confrontations with these people, but it sounds like you have a busy schedule and that might be hard. hmm i don't know.
  3. well, it's partly annoyance, but it's more of the feeling that here I was, thinking I was impressively clean, but I get home today shocked to find out not only am I not impressively clean, they feel the need to scrub down the whole place for several hours, and it's STILL not clean enough... I mean seriously I didn't think it was dirty. They were all aghast about the fact that they were CRUMBS in the .... TOASTER... Maybe I am dirty, but crumbs in the toaster seems like a normal occurrence (seriously, it won't hurt my feelings if you think otherwise).

    It's also partly because I wonder if it is something ELSE that's really the issue. Like, sometimes people get all focused on one thing when it's really something else they are angry about.

    this reminds me of a roommate I had who was extremely passive aggressive. She would slam doors all the time and then when I'd speak to her, she'd say oops I didn't hear you. I asked her if everything was ok, and whether she was angry. I said she seemed angry. She insisted she was fine. Finally she pressed my buttons and I blew up. THEN she finally unloaded on me about all these grievances she had with me.
  4. Your welcome over my house anytime. Crumbs in the toaster is the least of concerns. Right now I am focused on keeping the used underwear off the kitchen table. I might get it right someday, then again, I don't really care.
  5. haha, are you being sarcastic or serious? are you really that chill about your place? (i totally can relate - when i get busy, things get messy)

    and so I just got done cleaning the kitchen. I feel better now, thanks everyone for reading this.
    I guess I am prone to anxiety and I know we are not supposed to get anxious over anything and we are supposed to pray about it. Guess what I'll be praying about tonight?
    And I spoke with a family member who have known them for a very long time and they said since all this information is coming from the friend, not the homeowner, and this woman has a history of being a "trouble maker," it's likely a lot of her exaggerations. When they returned from their dinner, she was going on and on about it. I am further convinced that she is trying to start something because she keeps bringing up this other thing and actually villanizing the homeowner to me, trying to make her sound like she purposefully turned the tv up, after the friend said I was trying to sleep so maybe they should turn it down. Luckily I didn't care and wasn't bothered. I am not interested in getting into some sort of drama, and I'd rather just keep to myself and be as minimum of a nuisance as possible and keep her home to the conditions she would like.

    My plan is to text the homeowner tomorrow (they are leaving tomorrow so I probably won't see them.. and I also get the sense she is afraid of confrontation, so it may be more comfortable for her to text) saying that I am sorry if the condition of the kitchen was not up to her expectations, and that I'll surely keep it clean and if there is anything else I can do, please let me know, I will do it, and that I already plan on tidying up my bedroom.

    What do you think, any ideas? Should I admit to being lazy, or is that too much? I do know I can be lazy sometimes, so I don't know...
    Constant energy and cleaning things in an anal way (the way the friend was suggesting, in my opinion) is admittedly not my strong suit. I worry though maybe I should've been more on my toes, since this isn't my house after all. Feel free to give your opinions, even if you think I am terrible. Prior to this visit, the homeowner was saying she likes having me stay in her home. All of a sudden I am a pig... Anyways, I know this isn't really that much related to Christianity or scripture, but I wasn't sure where to put it, so I put it in the "relationships" section, because it concerns dealing with people. The weird awkwardness and the indirect communication - just seems like a good lesson for future relationships. I just hope I did a good job of handling it... I will pray about this indeed.
  6. As a Christian man very strong in the Lord, and in the word. If you stayed with me, I would not even consider any mess you made in the kitchen. I might ask you to at least rinse your plates as its much more easy to clean a plate that has been rinsed, but If after mentioning that In noticed you were just not the type to rinse you plate, then I would not say a peep.

    The World gets caught up in petty things that gender strife. I had a women who lived in a car, and felt the Lord telling me to take care of her and have her move in. Strangely, my bathroom turned pink and she loved that country music. Well, I figured that I would have to deal with pink and the country music. (Which I am convinced is the devil, I can't stand to hear a man whine about some girl he lost or some sob story)

    Your heart is important to God, so why text the homeowner? Did your heart mean to cause trouble? Be silent and let the Lord defend you.

    We were watching a 2 year old and a 9 month old today. The wife wants to sow that as free to the young couple we just met. The kids are cool, but they were late about an hour to come get them. The wife asked me.......................... should I let her know that she needs to be here on time?

    I asked the wife if she wants a situation where she was running late and those in authority question her for not being on time. I asked if she really wants to sow that seed. The wife shut up, she knew as it's written, do unto others AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU.

    You have to understand, even if you kept the place spotless, the devil finds something else to get people upset about. Strife is not about the situation, it's a demonic principle that finds it's way in, even in the most illogical situations.

    As they say, if it would not be one thing, it would be another. Be right with God, and he is faithful to cover the "another".

    Be blessed Sister, keep in the Word.
  7. Yea there is some other issues here..have you heard anything about your work? maybe its time to get your own place, or at least let it be known that you are ready to move on?
  8. I do talk about that, but the last thing i heard was that she LIKES me living in her house. Also, she has stayed in my family's house for a long time paying $100 / month rent and we have had her relative stay with us for a few months for free before also. Additionally, she had some guy living in her old house for YEARS...
    I am told she likes me living here, and would like me to stay longer... but shrug who knows now
  9. Well then you should be able to relax and not worry about crumbs! I mean who wants to live in a place where you have to feel like you cant relax?
  10. I spoke to a friend who suggested maybe I ask if she would like me to leave I mean I don't want to wear out my welcome. I'm nervous.

    I'm so stressed out right now...

    I agree it's not fun to feel uncomfortable somewhere and last night was just plain awkward and uncomfortable. I didn't appreciate how that woman was talking to me and if she really felt pissed and used the friend as the communication liaison, well that's not cool either. That's messed up.
  11. #11 jmilly, May 7, 2014
    Last edited: May 7, 2014
    Apparently the homeowner did tell the friend to tell me in a "gentle" way to avoid hurting my feelings.

    But I am scratching my head here because how were my feelings supposed to have been hurt? And the while situation made it weird and awkward. Why not just tell me directly does anybody have any thoughts?
    My position is still if there is a certain expectation of what she wants cleaned a certain way, why not just tell me? It's her house. What do my feelings have to do with it? I'm grateful to be staying here

    Whatever that was about the friend failed miserably because it just seemed really sketchy. I dunno. I can't explain it but I think there was a much more simple solution such as saying please clean the xyz instead of having someone else do it, complain incessantly about having done it, and then pulling me aside and whispering about it. Strange.

    Ps.the homeowner is down playing it saying it was only a couple things she wanted to be cleaned a certain way and that the suggestion of me moving out is "crazy".
  12. OK then..try to put it behind you, but also consider the time might be coming to consider a move?
  13. well since I feel uncomfortable here now, since these people evidentally want the place as clean as if there was a cleaning woman / it was unlived in, and I feel no matter what I do i'm sure there will be something else, just as somebody else said, I am going to crank up my job search and try to get out of here

    but in a weird way, I feel like maybe this is a GOOD thing. I recently posted about my anxiety about applying for jobs. Well now that I feel more of a urge to move, I feel less anxious.. It's like I'm being pushed into finding a job soon. In a way, I think this might be the work of God. :)Do you know what I am saying?
  14. Glad this is all getting worked out. If we had a clue to how much God loved us and how powerful he is, we look back on these issues that have concerned us and feel pretty silly for even taking thought about them.

    God has done so many amazing things, last minute things to change everything in my life, I have learned to not fret a bit.
  15. Yea I would agree with that idea...I know He often has to move things around me to get me into the next thing He has for me...Its sounds like you have some wisdom and understanding of His ways...(y)

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