I Know This Sounds Crazy But...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by ohcalidatex, Jan 23, 2014.

  1. In short I grew up with an alcoholic mother for 14 years of daily hell. Later, at the age of 29, I married but my wife turned out to be a Christian in name only and mean, bitter, angry, etc. That was 19 years of daily stress. All of this has left me finding relationships stressful no matter who I am seeing. I crave time alone simply because I love the peace of being alone. I am outgoing and enjoy company but a little goes a long ways. I am very used to being alone now.

    I know this is not God's plan but to me the ideal situation would be to marry but either live in a big house maybe sleeping in separate bedrooms or in separate by nearby homes. That way you can have your space and solitude but get together when you wanted to, take trips together, etc. I am not sure I would enjoy living in the same house with someone and having them around all the time.

    The alternative I'm considering is not dating and trying to stay single and celibate for the rest of my life. That is not ideal but under the circumstances it might be the best choice. I had so little intimacy during my marriage that I never got used to it. I could potentially do all that but with a female friend I suppose without being married but finding such a person will be hard.

    Trust me I have counseled for years and nothing changes. I feel like it is a no-win. I am not convinced God has given me the gift of singleness yet marriage is too stressful.

    Anyone else in this boat?
     
  2. I am so sorry that has happened to you. That is awful what you been through. I desire to be remarried after the death of my 2nd husband, but like you I am used to living alone now, and having been out of the dating/courtship scene for a long time. I am scared to pieces to meet, date anyone else or having another person living with me. I just look forward now to make friends online which would be for me the safest alternative, not to end up in "compromising" situations, I know I digress sometimes...no you are not the only one who feels that way. God Bless.
     
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  3. Thanks for sharing. I will be praying for you. In my case I'm not scared I just know from experience I am someone who needs a lot of alone time including being the only one in the house. I never did like sleeping in the same bed with my wife. I sleep better alone. It's not that I did not enjoy cuddling but when it was time to really sleep then I wanted to be alone. I come back to liking a little contact with others but probably not enough to make a relationship work.
     
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  4. I understand. Maybe you do have the gift of singleness. You are a very unique person. many people men and women seem so emotional needy, but you seem content, that's wonderful. are you involved in a ministry at your church?
     
  5. I understand. Maybe you do have the gift of singleness. You are a very unique person. many people men and women seem so emotional needy, but you seem content, that's wonderful. are you involved in a ministry at your church?
     
  6. I understand. Maybe you do have the gift of singleness. You are a very unique person. many people men and women seem so emotional needy, but you seem content, that's wonderful. are you involved in a ministry at your church?
     
  7. I understand. It seems you are content. that is wonderful.
     
  8. I think my childhood and first marriage forced me to self-sufficient. At times I would term it being a survivor. I've never been one to have a lot of friends either. I am content most of the time. There are times I would like someone to do things with especially vacations but I am willing to take vacations alone, go to movies alone, etc.

    A number of years ago I did a lot of teaching in the church. Mostly adults. I did a ton of self-study and took some courses. Probably have close to the equivalent of an MDiv. Almost went to seminary. I did not want to be a pastor but maybe a seminary professor. I've found though that sometimes being divorced disqualifies you from opportunities. Now I focus more on writing and sharing my teaching that way.

    I've always wanted to be like the Apostle Paul who wrote he learned to be content no matter what the circumstances. If we have the Lord we have everything we need.
     
    Terri A. Constant likes this.

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