In short I grew up with an alcoholic mother for 14 years of daily hell. Later, at the age of 29, I married but my wife turned out to be a Christian in name only and mean, bitter, angry, etc. That was 19 years of daily stress. All of this has left me finding relationships stressful no matter who I am seeing. I crave time alone simply because I love the peace of being alone. I am outgoing and enjoy company but a little goes a long ways. I am very used to being alone now. I know this is not God's plan but to me the ideal situation would be to marry but either live in a big house maybe sleeping in separate bedrooms or in separate by nearby homes. That way you can have your space and solitude but get together when you wanted to, take trips together, etc. I am not sure I would enjoy living in the same house with someone and having them around all the time. The alternative I'm considering is not dating and trying to stay single and celibate for the rest of my life. That is not ideal but under the circumstances it might be the best choice. I had so little intimacy during my marriage that I never got used to it. I could potentially do all that but with a female friend I suppose without being married but finding such a person will be hard. Trust me I have counseled for years and nothing changes. I feel like it is a no-win. I am not convinced God has given me the gift of singleness yet marriage is too stressful. Anyone else in this boat?