I don't know how to answer my family, please help

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by tinwhistle, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. I don't know how to answer my family, please help

    I've worked for 1.5 year and we used my earnings to pay for rent then mortgage, utilities, groceries, insurance, food, clothing, etc. When I stopped working, my husband couldn't provide for me and our baby that much. Whenever my family ask me if I have savings, I don't know what to tell. I have avoided that questions many times. But I cry everytime I encounter that question because I feel so hopeless and I don't want them to know that I had been in my lowest points in my life several months ago and I still struggle from time to time. I came from another country and when I remember my life there, yes, I worked hard so I saved a lot. My husband's family and friends don't even try to say anything when they obviously can tell he is short of being a good provider for me and my baby. In fact, his family, particularly his mother and aunt, said things against me which aren't true and insulted how I wanted to take care of my baby like as simple as washing hands. Also, my sister wanted to come here to help me but she doesn't know how I look, dress, etc. She said she wanted to help clean the house but I don't know what else she's gonna find out.
  2. Tinwhistle;

    :pray: I am sorry that you are having a hard time. Is talking to your husband difficult? Can you confide and trust your sister to keep your household and what happens in it from your family if you feel that need?
    If you have tried talking with him, talking with a sister and neither seem to be understanding the probelem, is there someone else; a close friend in your church who might be able to listen and give you godly counsel?

    Please take care of yourself; you sound overwhelmed and alone in all of this. I will be praying for wisdom for you...

  3. Dear Tinwhistle,
    Don't be afraid to speak the truth. You should not feel ashamed if things are less than perfect. It sounds as though your sister really cares for you and wants to see you. A visit from her may be just what you need. It can be very hard to come to terms with changes to our appearance but remember - God loves you for your inner self! Changes in financial circumstances are very difficult to adjust to and I pray that things will improve for your family. I also remember how difficult it was for me to be assertive with my husband's family regarding the care of our first baby. I felt they were very critical at the time and was most distressed. Anyway...I guess I want to say...don't give up...but don't feel you need to pretend to your family.
    May God send his peace to fill your heart. Your sister in Christ.
  4. Hey Tinwhistle!

    I've been there too. It's tough to live with the right priorities and have others accuse you of having it all wrong. When my first son was born, my mom looked down on my wife, and my wife's family looked down on me. Each said it was the other's fault. Fault for what? Starting a family!

    I say pray, seek God's counsel on these matters. I am sure He knows what to do! Also, talk to your husband. And speaking as a man to a woman, please keep the emotional part to a minimum. If he is feeling the pressure, it will be easy for him to feel defensive. I remember times when my wife and I would talk, and she'd get emotional, and me feeling pressured, would take it as her attacking me even though it wasn't the case.

    Situations like these are often temporary. One thing I have learned from my similar experience is I don't need but the most basic of necessities. It also helps to put finances into God's perspective.
  5. Welcome to the forum, Tinwhistle! I like your name! It's cute! I'm glad you found us because we all are caring here and would like to know more about you so we could help you. It sounds as though where ever you came from, they were a lot more careful about money than where you live now. The U.S. has been a two-income country now since about the early '70's. It is hard anymore to live here without both parents working. That is a sad thing but it is the way of the world. It sounds almost as if things were different in the country you came from.

    If you don't mind sharing with us, it would be nice to know more about how you and your husband met and where you came from. We all would like to help you because we care about you. I will put your name on my prayer list and pray for you tonight. God is crazy about you, you know? He wants only the best for His child. Please know that you can alway private message anyone if you want to, or just feel free to post any questions you have. Bless you, honey for the good wife and mommy you are. Bonnie

  6. I've sent you a pm.

  7. Thank you GirlfromOz. Yes, I just wanted someone close to me to visit me here - not to rant but to receive some help. Thanks for the encouragement.
  8. I think I'm gonna start practicing not to cry when I talk to my husband :) . I am very good in basic needs but what if your spouse doesn't share the same approach. I tried to talk to him about how I plan stuff but he is stubborn. I hope my being silent when he learned a lesson from his mistake would make him humble.
  9. Sent ya a pm. Thanks for the kitty cat! :) Love it!
  10. Tinwhistle, You said in your first statement that when you worked your money went for all the basics. So----what did your husbands money he earn go for??? I am not hearing that he works?? You do say my husband could not provide for me??? Your husband can't provide for you, but his family puts you down----interesting. I say your husband needs to step up and be the provider of the household, thats the mans job.
  11. I'll pray for you sweetie:groupray:
  12. Sometimes it's also the setting. As a stubborn guy myself, I find that when my wife and I argue, and I feel at my wits end, I'll walk outside and sit on the tailgate of my truck. My wife tends to give me anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour. Then she'll come outside and sit next to me. The conversation resumes, but this time no animosity and no anger. Heh, a few nights ago, she didn't come out at all. Which worked for the both of us. I collected my thoughts, came inside and went to bed. The next night was bliss because we talked it over and figured out the issue. She tend to beat around the bush, and I am straight-foreward. She is fixing that so I won't continue to let her down because I didn't get the message.

    As far as making him humble himself, only God can do that. Men possess the ability to shut off their emotions and build up walls. Only God possesses the strength to tear them down. Men are like tongues. Nobody can tame them. Nobody can change them. It takes the Spirit of God to come in and break us men.

    Also, don't not cry. Cry to God. Show in subtle ways that your husband has hurt you. Then pray. With the power of the Holy Spirit, your walking Jericho of a husband will start to lose the bricks in his walls, one at a time.

    Remember that marriage, and all that encompasses it, is a 100%/100% affair. You have to give 100% to Christ, as does your husband, and Christ will come in and fill in the imperfections of your union.
  13. Redstar, he is self-employed and doesn't earn that much.
  14. Thanks Beloved and everyone here praying for us. My husband is now on fasting.
  15. El Pollo, thanks a lot for your practical and godly approach.

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