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I can't forgive myself...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Sarah14, Apr 29, 2011.

  1. Hi! Some of you might remember me. I'm 28 and my husband left me and my son about a year ago because he wanted a different life. At first I was devastated and miserable but God gave me strenght. Then about 6 months ago I met a man while I was feeling really lonely and my head wasn't right. We talked for months before I made a terrible mistake. I now regret my sin, that man stopped talking to me and I feel rejected for a second time. I know God has forgiven me, I learned from my mistake, but I can't stop regretting what I did. I've always been a good girl and now I'm ashamed of myself. I'm not divorced yet, that's what makes it worse...I've been sad for more than a year, when will it get better?
  2. Yes Sarah, it will get better if you allow it. A year is not nearly enough time to be looking for someone. You are not yet complete yourself. In an ideal situation, 4 years is a MINIMUM. It takes a long time to find yourself again and rebuild your life, and every day of that time is necessary for your self-definition. We all make mistakes. I know I've lived my life less as an example of "How To" and more as an example of "What not to do".

    The best advice I can offer, is to simply fill the emptiness with Jesus. He is the only one that can make you whole again, and realize that trying to fill the hole with anyone or anything else is unfair to you, unfair to your son, unfair to the other person, and unfair to God. Give it some REAL time, lick your wounds, and stay focused on Christ. Another person cannot ever make you happy until you are happy with who/where you are first.
  3. I was just thinking about you a couple days ago, Sarah. I agree with Ban on this one. It is hard for us to wait on God when our pain and emotions are so raw and immediate, but the end of that waiting is peace and joy. He truly does have our best interests in mind and He knows best how to bring that about.

    You made a mistake. You can't undo that mistake, and you especially can't undo it by punishing yourself and not forgiving yourself. Focus your energy on learning lessons from the mistake and making wiser choices from this moment on. Learn from the past, but don't become chained to it, don't let it prevent you from moving forward.

    I will be praying for you.
  4. Thanks to both of you. I guess I feel bad because I did it out of revenge. After I found out he'd been seen with another woman, I just lost it. And I can't get over him leaving me. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I've been with him for almost ten years, he was my best friend and nothing makes sense anymore. All I ever wanted was for us to be a happy family. Love is what matters most to me. Not money, not having fun, not anything else. I agree with you saying that I need to take time to find myself, but I keep making mistakes just to forget about the pain. I've started to drink and go out with bad friends just to get immediate satisfaction. I do anything I can to feel better. Two weeks ago I decided to trust God even though it hurts, even though I'm always crying...I just hope I'll stay on the right path. I can really say that my husband's betrayal has traumatized me, but I still miss the man he used to be. I wish God would bring him back to me and my child.
  5. It is hard, but the only person you hurt is yourself, and those that love you and rely on you. I've been there. I tried to do everything I could to destroy myself. I have nothing but regret for those times, but I still remember them because I know what God rescued me from. It's hard, and there are no shortcuts, but there is no wisdom found at the bottom of a glass, nor in bed with a stranger. All you can do is weather the storm for now and give it plenty of time and prayer. Read the Bible and try to allow yourself to be happy once in a while. Do some things just for you.
  6. It's hard, and there are no shortcuts, but there is no wisdom found at the bottom of a glass, nor in bed with a stranger. All you can do is weather the storm for now and give it plenty of time and prayer. I know, thank you for those words. Are you divorced?
  7. Yes. It took me a very long time to find out how to cope, and I took every single one of the roads you took. Sometimes, I still face the consequences of that time, and it breaks my heart that anyone else would have to go through that.
  8. How long ago did it happen? Did you want the divorce?
  9. It was just about 6 years ago, and no, I did not want it. It nearly destroyed me when she took my kids and ran off with another man. It took a long time to heal.
  10. So your wife cheated on you? Did God punish her?
  11. I can't say either way, if He did then it was between her and God. I certainly no longer have any interest in her being punished. Maybe in the beginning, but any punishment she would face would also punish my children.

    I know that through this time, she and her new husband have both found Christ and are headed on the right track now. They even come to my church occasionally.
  12. Well that's a good thing. If she found Christ, then it's perfect :)

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