I can no longer visit my girlfriend at work & she doesn't know why?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by longwindyroad, Dec 19, 2014.

  1. My girlfriend and I have been battling something for a few months now. On a side note, I’m 33 – she’s 27, we both have wonderful 5 year-old boys that are very close, we’ve been with each other for about a year and a half now… About 6 months ago, I recognized that I had a drinking problem and as a result, it had a damaging effect on our relationship, understandably.

    Between July-August, she began to discuss our problems with co-workers (a male & a female). The male began to open up to her about marriage issues between him and his wife ... Then they started with conversations that crossed the boundaries. He would complement her in how pretty she is, etc. and the female co-worker suggested that she get rid of me.

    To summarize things a little more, there was a time when she was lying about a lot of things, where she was, what she was doing … I asked her to just be honest with me and I will respect your honesty.

    To give you guys an idea, if there was one thing I would change about myself, it’s that I would wish that being lied to didn't hurt or make me feel the way it does … Sheesh, I’d rather get punched in the face!
    Since then, I have completely cut out alcohol and continue to attend AA and humbly remain sober! She has spoken to her boss about the male co-workers actions and both the female and male co-worker about how they crossed the line and how -WE- are working things out. I'm thankful that we are moving in the right direction!

    The male co-worker seems to have adjusted his behavior somewhat, but now there's something else that is eating at me and I'm not sure how to handle it? In the past, I would meet her for lunch since we work right down the street from each other. A few times I would even come in. She was happy to see me. She would hold my arm. She would also call me from her work line (not very often, but according to my call history - more than I thought!). Now, she isn't comfortable with me going in at all!? I feel that she is valuing her worldly colleagues feelings more than mine and I feel that she should continue to stand up and face this - on her end. I feel like a convict standing outside in the parking lot when I would normally walk in the building in the past ... This feeling is overwhelming and ripping us apart. Thank you and God bless! Mind you, both the co-workers are not believers.

    I’ve already seen the male and female and have been respectful and courteous. So, there should be no worry there…? When I ask what the reason is, she simply says, “I just don’t know?”

    It’s not that I MUST visit her at work … it’s just the principle of the whole ordeal. I used to be able to come in and visit her and now I must wait in the parking lot? It has me baffled and really hurts.
    I have prayed and sought after God to heal this over and over … I've asked her to be strong and be proud of me.

    Help & Thanks!
     
  2. Maybe she just feels awkward about the whole thing, and you not coming in is her way of avoiding any type of awkwardness. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm sure after some time things will go back to normal.

    Random question, have either you or your girlfriend been married before?
     
    LanceA likes this.
  3. This is a good lesson on keeping your private life away from work. I never speak to any co-workers about things from my personal life. I think you should give it time also.
     
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  4. increased font, bold... as if it is a big font, bold...

    most men...down the ages does not know how to read women's SUBTEXT. (I was good "girlfriend" back then during college days, I LISTEN, am male btw : )

    ladies (ok, most I know) loved to received flowers, where their peers (or classmates, or co-workers around).... the reason: various

    the other way around/background, in the same manner...

    suggestion: court the colleagues...
     
  5. spice girls sings it!

    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/spicegirls/wannabe.html


    Wannabe"
    Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.

    If you want my future forget my past,
    If you wanna get with me better make it fast,
    Now don't go wasting my precious time,
    Get your act together we could be just fine

    I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.

    If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)
    Make it last forever friendship never ends,
    If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
    Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

    What do you think about that now you know how I feel,
    Say you can handle my love are you for real,
    I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try
    If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.

    Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
    really really wanna zigazig ha.

    If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)
    Make it last forever friendship never ends,
    If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
    Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

    So here's a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully,
    We got Em in the place who likes it in your face,
    we got G like MC who likes it on an
    Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady,
    and as for me you'll see,
    Slam your body down and wind it all around
    Slam your body down and wind it all around.

    If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends),
    Make it last forever friendship never ends,
    If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
    Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.
    If you wanna be my lover, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,
    you gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam, slam

    Slam your body down and wind it all around.
    Slam your body down and wind it all around (uh uh).
    Slam your body down and wind it all around.
    Slam your body down zigazig ah

    If you wanna be my lover.
     
  6. None of these issues would come up if you were not sleeping with her. Sharing something only married covenant partners should share before God.

    So, it's an issue when another male comes sniffing around.

    We date them, treat them with Godly respect as if their souls are important, we don't fool around with them. If they be the right one, we marry them. If we have drinking problems, or other issues then those need fixed, so good job on that part at least.

    We don't live like the World and expect things to go well. The Marriage bed remains undefiled because your "MARRIED" (Heb 13) If your really a believer, you need to nix this whole thing and get straight with the FAther and do what He says do. Once you have the character to sustain a realationship and have the plan of God in place, then ask the Lord for the person that is to help complete all your created to do.

    Don't live like the World, it never ends well. Believers that want to live in the devils land, but expect good things are going to be frustrated believers.

    If we don't sleep with them, and they have character issues, the no problem we have no hurtful and deep ties that pull on our soul. We move on, no problem, we only want the best anyway. If we become one flesh with everything that moves and breaths, then trouble begains.

    Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might.
     

  7. Yes, we both have kids from previous marriages.


    I understand that she just feels awkward, I would too, but I guess I'm the kind of guy that would say, I made my bed now I'm going to sleep in it.

    If I knew it hurt my other half, I would make it happen no matter how uncomfortable.

    Thanks for the replies everyone!
     
  8. When in his post did he say he was sleeping with her? Think you are jumping the gun here.
     
  9. So, let me ask you guys this ...

    You guys probably think it is a bad idea to "just go in" without her invite, right? Because I've really thought about it! Just being honest.
     
  10. Why bug her at work?
     
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  11. Lance, I know inside that isn't the right thing to do, just expressing myself! :D

    I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind though.
     
  12. I agree, I would not want to do anything to hurt my other half. So at the same time, wouldn't you not want to do anything that makes your other half feel uncomfortable?
     
  13. Is it because by lunchtime you begin to miss her so much it hurts? :p
     
  14. ^ & ^^ Where is the Messiah, both are great replies ... thank you!
     
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  15. I guess if you are taking her to lunch or something then yeah why not. I've been to my wife's work but only when she knows about it. Most the time I leave her to her job and see her when she gets home.
     
  16. Wow, if there were the case lance, He would have commented on my post. Notice he just ignored it?

    If that were the case lance and he was dating this girl as a Godly man, no sex before marriage then He would not be bothered much about this other guy or these issues. A Godly man moves on, or FIXES it right away.

    If your tied to someone through sex and become one flesh, then a whole other level of spiritual bondage comes into play.

    The problem lance is not being Spirit Led and just thinking things are OK giving advice that means nothing. This Brother gets no help until He stops given the devil a place.

    I would rather not see him destroy himself, and do the will of God. Not seen God's will mentioned one time in connection with this realationship which should be first.
     
  17. Every human being has jealousy from time to time. This doesn't mean he is sleeping with her or that he is living with her. Maybe he isn't walking in the spirit like he should, but do all of us do this all the time? We attempt to but we are human and fail miserably. You are still speculating that this is the case and this type of speculation leads to gossip which isn't Godly one bit. I would have probably ignored your comment also. Now if he comes out and says he is sleeping with her or living with her then yes that is something he needs to fix with the help of God.
     
  18. Nobody is speculating anything. I think you will find Lance that when people come to you for Godly advice they leave out things because of lack of revelation, or they leave things out because the Lord has dewlt with them, and they have ignorned them to the point of it now causing an issue. They come to get your adivce to fix something so they can continue on in something the Lord checked them about long ago.

    he ignored my post, so for his sake I hope I am wrong.
     
  19. You might be right but it is still speculation on your part and like I said before, this starts rumors and gossip and it isn't Godly. I think sir I will be putting you on ignore.
     

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