I am terrified of being alone... Please help!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Hsoleil, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. I am a 24 year old female who has graduated college and I am still single. It seems like every time I get on facebook, another couple from my age group is getting engaged, married or is having a child. I know I should be happy for all of these people but I am ashamed to admit that it makes me jealous. The thing is, I have never been a jealous person before but the desire to be in love has hit me really hard since I hit my 20's. I have dated several guys and was even in a relationship for 7 months. My ex-boyfriend was a great person but we wanted to live different lifestyles and to be honest, I just never really fell in love with him. I desperately want what I see others my age having- serious relationships that end up in marriage. Not only do I long for that, I am terrified that I will end up like my aunt, who never got married. Ever since I could walk, I had a baby doll on my hip and knew I wanted to be a wife and mother. I love to serve and do for others and it would break my heart if I could never have the gift of having a husband. I pray to God about this daily and ask for his forgiveness when I feel jealous but I need some advice. I prayed to God the other night before bed- I prayed for God to send me a sign in a dream whether I would be a wife or a mother. I woke up feeling empty and that dream never came. This may seem silly to some people but I really wanted God to send me a sign that I would be ok...If anyone can relate to what I am feeling or has some advice I would greatly appreciate it.
  2. Hi, welcome to the forum! (You can post a new thread in new members area)
    I would be happy if I had a special and effective advice but I do not have any. I struggle with the same and experience the same things - envy or jealousy, depression, bitterness, ... And it seems that it is worse and worse. You can read some Christian books for single ladies, it may help (but to be honest, I do not like these books and do not read them).
    I will pray for you.
  3. First off i would like to say welcome! It is good to have you here!

    Your heart is sincerely felt by our Loving Father! I know that being alone can be very difficult, and the need to be loved and cherished and to be able to love and nuture is something that God has placed within us all! If i may suggest, begin to thank God for sending you the perfect man. For preparing the one that you are going to spend all of your days with. Begin to tell God that you trust Him, and His timing. This is especially important when you are feeling the fear that the devil is trying to get you to grab ahold of. Fear is not of God. Then may i suggest that you get in the Bible and find the scriptures that speak to you about having a husband and begin to use them as a prayer to the Lord, again thanking Him for a marriage made in heaven and a wonderfully gentle godly man. Begin to thank the Lord for all of the characteristics that you are looking for in a husband. And then begin to peacefully rely, and trust Him to send someone.

    When i was in a bad relationship, and ready to be out of it. I told the Lord if He was going to send someone my way that they were going to have to "chase" me so to speak. And of course as He has healed me of all of the bad stuff, He (7 years ago) sent me someone that was everything that i ever had dreamed about or thought about. We hope to married soon and on our way to the ministry that God has for us.
    Blessings and peace be yours in abundance!

    Father, i thank You for Hsoleil, and her desire to be able to share her life with a godly man that you are sending her. I thank You that as she commits her life and plans for marriage unto You that You will cause her plans to line up with Your will, and that her plans will be established and succeed. Father thank You by faith that You will answer her and grant her the desires of her heart, that You have placed within her. Thank You Father for surrounding her with Your awesome presence and peace! The peace that passes all of her understanding!
    We give You all of the glory! In Jesus Name, Amen!
    Mykuhl likes this.
  4. Hello Hsoleil and welcome to our Christian family here at CFS. There are several young ladies here at CFS that share your situation. Let me just say that you are not alone in one respect... as one of God's precious children, He is with you.

    From a more technical aspect, if your church has social events, please consider attending those to get to know other members of your church and their families. God hears our prayers but we must remember that His actions are always on His time table, not ours. Be patient. One other thing that I would like to just mention is an online service called "Christian Mingle". They have a very good reputation and have been in operation since 1996. Under our Forum Rules, I can not directly supply the link to their website, but I'm sure that you can find them using Yahoo Search or Google.

    May God's blessings be with you and please do not be terrified of anything... God's love and His caring will see you through.
  5. I am single and can relate to the desire to not be alone. I can also tell you from experience that you can be married or dating or engaged and STILL FEEL LONELY. If you pick the right person, however, you will not feel lonely. This may sound harsh, but if you are desperate for a man, you will most likely NOT find the right man. You will probably find a man who will prey on your neediness and treat you badly.

    I would find as many single people to hang out with as possible - both boys and girls. If you surround yourself with married people and people who are seriously dating, then all you will see is what you don't have. Do things with these single people. Spend time doing healthy and productive things. Have fun.

    Find a church (or better yet, several) with strong singles programs for people your age and attend their events regularly. Find activities in your community or the next city to do. Join a softball league (or some sort of sport), volunteer to meet people, get a cute dog and walk it - people (and men) are attracted to cute, friendly dogs. Go to the dog park.

    If you are that deeply hurting and scared about being "alone", I would find a good Christian counselor (not your pastor) and begin working on your fears. Working with a good counselor can do wonders to people who are struggling.

    Read Henry Cloud's book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. He is a well respected US Christian psychologist.

    Lastly - Be the kind of person you want to date (marry). If you don't know what that kind of person is, do some research, starting with the book I recommend.

  6. Hi and welcome.
    First off, do not try to ripen what is not, one cannot press an unripe olive to give beautiful olive oil. IT results in disaster.
    Try and set God as your first focus, not finding a partner.
    I also agree that you should include yourself in singles events with a Christian nature.
    I met my wife in the most strangest way seven years after leaving school, and has never dated a girl after leaving school, or really during high school.
    I actually resigned the idea of getting a girlfriend and having a serious relationship, and then it happened, out the blue and in the strangest way.
  7. Hello HSoleil,

    I can see your heart in this matter and God does all the more so as well. I feel for you as well because I have some of same longings that you do in that area. I do agree with what has been said though about focusing on God first. Please remember the scripture...."Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well." Many of us in the body of Christ let ourselves lose our focus....that our life is all about God, that our fulfillment and contentment is found only in Him. We try to find this from other sources, be it people or things, when it can only come from God. That is not to say that our desire for a spouse or good friends is not a good thing(it is), but really it is "just" a type where as Jesus is the real thing. Us being married on this earth is just a type of our marriage to the Lord...we are his Bride and he is the Bridegroom. I believe that marriage on this earth is simply meant to teach us how to be more like Christ and prepare us to be the Bride.

    God bless you with Grace sister.
  8. Welcome.

    Often - we can't see God working behind the scenes.... There are things going on that you will never know.... For example - things you have absolutely no control over, such as God's work and timeline for your future spouse....

    Here's an important thing... God has to prepare YOU to be married to the man He is preparing for you.... We often neglect the preparation of our OWN heart. Marriage is HARD, and you will get absolutely NO help what so ever from The World.... It takes a lot of humbling yourself to be able to deal with the weirdness of one-another... Trust me - there's plenty of that....

    Marriage is a place that God uses to really make us UNDERSTAND some of His most intimate truths, and things about His nature.... For example - how much pain God feels when He is impugned, slandered, complained against, accused, and besmirched by those whom HE deeply loves..... How much pain God feels when those whom HE intimately loves fight against Him, block Him, and prevent Him from doing His will... The pain of disrespect.. The pain of having those whom you deeply love grumble, gripe, complain, ingratitude, and be completely unable the see the blessings and fun things that YOU are doing for them..... But - also how wonderful it is to truly love... to truly experience intimacy.... To truly rest....

    So... I will ask you a couple questions for you to think about.... These are specifically geared towards YOU - not your potential mate.... Please don't take these thoughts as an insult or as some sort of accusation against you - but rather as an introspection...

    1. Do you really know what you are looking for? What sort of people are you REALLY truly compatible with for LONG periods of time? What sort of people can you spend 3 months, 24 hours a day with and they don't drive you insane... What sort of people are you absolutely incompatible with for anything more than a short time?

    Have you identified the sorts of compromises that you will have to make to be with that sort of person? Are you actually making compromises in other areas to get what you say/think you are really after? What happens if you GET him - will the compromises destroy you... Will you only be able to "Put on the face" for a time being - then revert back to your old self - and end up in a divorce? For example - "Manly men of Adventure" bring along one sort of baggage with them.... "Mild mannered men" bring along a completely different sort of baggage.... "High powered professional men" yet another.... All will require different compromise... Some - you will be willing/happy to make.. Other types of compromise will destroy you....

    2. What are you doing to prepare yourself and your heart for the man God is preparing for you? How are you getting yourself ready so that you won't drive HIM away? Are you going back to God to ask Him to bring up the issues and give you true repentance from the things within yourself that is preventing the man he has prepared for you from being attracted to you? This is a critical step... I will give you an example - our culture breeds Narcissism... The inability to focus on anything but ME ME ME... Another is that our current culture works HARD to hone Manipulation skills in women.... Another - Ginning up controversy and chaos to get whatever they want.... While this manipulation, narcissism, controversy, and scandal is the "Currency of the world" - it's ABSOLUTELY DISASTEROUS in a marriage.... Only God can help you root it out so that you CAN STAY married to the man He is preparing for you....

    3. What are you doing to FIND that person... So often - we pine away plaintively but we do not take the right action... Where are you likely to find those sorts of men? How will you find that person? How will you connect to them? How will you avoid connecting to the WRONG men - the ones who you will chase after and it will cause you to IGNORE the man that God brings to you....

    Mykuhl likes this.

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