I am considering leaving my fiancé.

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by FatherOfIsrael, Dec 13, 2014.

  1. #1 FatherOfIsrael, Dec 13, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2014
    I have been dating my fiancé for two years and a half. We are both past our mid-twenties. I am an elementary school teacher interested in the arts, in music, in missions, and in spirituality. He is a mathematician and a computer scientist interested in politics, in physics, in reason, and in logic.

    He is a great man: he spends and invests generously on me; he always has something compelling and stimulating to talk about: the universe, morality, et cetera; and he has gently set some of my past shortcomings and bad habits straight. However, although he is a Christian, he does not share my passion for God: I lead a life in pursuit of a great call, and he leads a life in pursuit of peace, patience, joy, et cetera—he is devoid of an ultimate ministry or "God" call.

    Because I love God more than I love him, and because I have discussed this with him countless times to no avail, I am seriously considering leaving my fiancé because he will be a hindrance to my ultimate calling. Please advise me on how to achieve this. Moreover, he just enrolled in graduate school to begin his Ph.D. next year; I need him to support me in my recent music ministry full-time (paid, mind you), not spend all of his time reading and studying (like he currently is).
  2. It's late here in California, but I'm a bit confused by your post here:

    and then your post in 2013:

  3. Your calling......? How is his calling any less then yours. God puts us where He wants us Psalm 37:23. You sound ike someone that will soon be guilty of Matt 7:22. If thats the case you should leave. Your fiance will be better off.
  4. and 'her' profile says male?
  5. Whatever the case may be... Not married is not married. If you have doubts that marriage is not right - then don't get married... Divorce is far more costly and painful then backing out of marriage.
  6. We share the same account.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  7. I argue that his "calling," a doctorate, is not God's but his; a calling is God's if it brings others into His kingdom.
  8. KingJ, I do not think that I will be guilty of Matthew 7:22 because my calling is not actually mine, but God's; I feel it deep within my spirit. Moreover, God has given me all the songs that I am recording: I have suddenly woken up late into the night and been instructed to write His words; not one of my songs I composed. This has been going on since I was a little girl.

    On the other hand, my fiancé has in fact yielded to my argument that his "calling" is not God's and defended himself with the weak assertion that "he does not yet know what God's calling for his life is." Couples are meant to work together toward a cause. Because God spoke such a clear vision to me first, I argue that my fiancé must join my ministry. If he does, then everything will make perfect sense because I will need a website and mobile applications and he is a developer; it is almost obvious that this is God's calling for his life and that he is rebelling.

    I am waiting on God on this matter.
  9. #9 KingJ, Dec 18, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2014
    and what if I want to save Marsians on the moon. Will you follow me? Or does it only work if you lead?

    You canNOT save a single soul from hell. ALL you, I and your fiancé can do is SOW seeds. 1 Cor 12:3 is clear that the Holy Spirit reveals Jesus / gives us faith to believe / sows the ultimate seed.

    If you love Jesus, God directs your footsteps. God WANTS your fiancé where he is. You cannot dictate his life to God. Of course he must offer to help you if you feel that is your calling, but the way you seem to be dictating it is laughable.

    The only thing you need to be certain of regarding his faith is that he does in fact love Jesus / hate what is evil / repent often.

    Odds are pretty good that if he does love Jesus and likes you...that God sent him to you. Now you want to throw that away just because he doesn't want to follow your lead on a magical path where you will save many...through songs God has given you from birth. Really...?
  10. I am not doubting the Lord gives you things and you write the down, not doubting the Lord has great plans for them.

    I will say this though, High end of life callings are not a NOW thing. It's a prepare and be faithful where your at thing. You are not strong enough in the Word as shown by your immaturity to be fit for major ministery.

    As a women, you have no business even mentioned the call on a mans life and expecting him to snap to it. The man is the head, and has to get it from God, not the women.

    You don't need anyone to support anything concerning any calling of God, and pulling on people, rushing things is a great way to just end up frustrated and broke after all you invested goes down the tubes. You release stuff the Lord gave before it's time, you can't take it back.

    When those of us that hear God, hear the big thing, it's years later of preperation. My friend is a professional singer, just released her 2nd cd, and she waited on God for a long time. It was just last year doors opened and the Lord got her before some pretty famous people. She has now been all over singing and now is planing for her next CD a few songs in tongues.

    Sara our Choir singer sang for several years, knowing she was suppose to go out and sing, but just stayed faithful at churh, never missed a day and prepared in the Word to grow stronger, and getting ready.

    A young man by the name of Jeremy came to preach at our church, and Sara caught his eye out of all the girls he ever met, and he met lots of them. He got up the courage to ask her out and she said let me think about it and pray.

    That is how we should be, patience is the key to the great things. Run our race with faith and patience.

    Sara decided that she was suppose to go out with Jeremy and Jeremy was convinced He heard God that she was his wife to be.

    Sara knew who Jeremy was, but learned not to move without seeking the Lord. She was just a farm girl from a small town.

    My wife hugged Sarah recently, she came to visit our church, and my friend who sings professionaly is friends with her. she is singing all over the World and has 3 cd's out. My daughter loves to listen to her and she is known all over.

    The man God sent was Jeremy Pearsons. Kenneth Copelands Grandson.

    All Sara had to do was walk through the doors that flew open.

    God gives us power to get wealth and add's no sorrow to it. The word sorrow actually means having to toil long and hard for it.

    If we ever feel like we are battling someone or people, or waiting on money, or waiting on someone to do God's plan. We are way off the path and it don't get any better until we get back on the path who those through faith and patience inherit the promises.
    KingJ likes this.
  11. I lead because my fiancé is submissive; he lacks the initiative and often sits idle, months at a time, waiting for something to happen, that is, for things to magically resolve themselves. I am often afraid that if I do not grab the reins of the relationship, that it will then fall over a cliff.

    I want to sow seeds, not to save. My songs are my seeds, and I am in desperate need to spread them.

    How can God want my fiancé to be in a place where He is not? Where in a math department in a university that champions reason and logic will God be? I am unwilling to spend four years of my life in a remote, stern, spiritually-dry university.

    Although my fiancé is a Christian, he is not passionate about God. I am in fact suspecting that he might be doubting his faith; he is always talking about how old the earth and the universe are and how probable extra-terrestrial life is. He also suspiciously asks me what my thoughts on evolution are.
  12. You guys are not married. If you feel God calling you to leave him, then leave him, buy if you feel God is telling you to be with him then be with him.
  13. You have to be certain that he Loves Jesus. Calling and love for Jesus are separate issues. A toilet cleaner could love Jesus immensely and a great Christian musician could hate Jesus.

    A university's law classes could be a hive a spiritual activity for Jesus. We don't need catchy music and great sound to feel the Holy Spirit.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  14. How can I be certain that he loves Jesus? Would that not require that I evaluate his relationship with God? Moreover, it is impossible to evaluate his relationship with God with my senses because he shows no red flags; although he can enthusiastically talk about evolution, the billions of years of the earth, etc., he enthusiastically talks about countless other things.
  15. I'm not married or engaged, neither am I able to quote scriptures... but the fact that you said he'd be a hindrance to your calling is a huge red flag to me, for him. I'm sorry if it comes across as rude, but I'm not trying to be. What I want to say is if you find him a hindrance then it'd be better for him that you left. From what you've said it sounds a bit like you think he's "beneath" you because his mission in life differs from yours... There must have been a reason for you to be engaged to him at all, so think back and identify it.. See if that's enough for you in the present times and pray unceasingly. Then you should know the direction your relationship will go. God doesn't place people in our lives without reason, sometimes we just need to ponder upon it.

    I wish you all the very best!
    KingJ and Rezz say Amen and like this.
  16. I know this post was a while ago, but I'll throw in my two cents:

    It sounds like both of you have some work to do. Your fiance sounds a bit like someone I know. Someone states they believe in God, but they don't seem to be pursuing a field that is very evangelistic. Your fiance is more concerned about being "practical," or a more "down-to-earth" job, then preaching about his faith BY his job (not through his job). You need to understand that this is okay.

    You are pursing music because you're are creative and inclined to do so, but some don't have this gift, have a different perspective, or are inclined to do something else. He'd rather give his all studying. God can call you to do great things, even in a reserved field like studying. God commands you to give glory in all that you do, and do it in his name. He calls you to proclaim his name through your works (actions), not your work (what you're paid to do).

    If your fiance is studying to better himself, provide for you, and be more diligent in God, then it is okay. Of course, you don't know if he is doing this for God, or out of selfish desire. This is why you should pray! It is important in being a diligent follower of Christ. Pray for knowledge, and patience. Pray for him! Notice how I emphasize for. Pray that you fiance will make wise choices in God's name. Don't pray about what your think he's doing wrong, pray for him to do what is right!

    If you feel like he truly is not paying attention to you or respecting your pursuit of music, sit down and have a discussion with him. Evaluate your relationship: Is God his priority, no matter the line of study? Does he truly understand being a follower of Christ, that it is more than believing God exists? If God is his priority, what is he doing wrong that feels ungodly? How can you fix this? What compromises can you make together to make your relationship work? Remember, the husband and wife are a unit. They balance back and forth as a whole, as if they were one essence glorifying God. You both can have different fields of interest, and work together in a way that functions together as a Godly couple should.

    Now, I am just basing this off of a vague description you gave. Much more of his behavior, as well as your own play a factor in how you guys overcome what is stalling your relationship. Unless he is actually telling you "no," you can always perform your "God calling" while in a relationship with him. I hope this all makes sense.
    KingJ likes this.
  17. Does he hate what God hates? Rom 12:9. Does he keep God's commandments? John 14:15. Does he help the weak / needy / orphans / widows? James 1:27.

    The guy who walks into church as the great evangelist / prophet Matt 7:22 < the guy that helps an orphan.
  18. Your personalities are different. So are your expectations. And wanting him not to do his phd so he can support your little music career is selfish. How do you know his success might just make your life better?

    Either you need some time to grow or your marriage just won't work.

    You are spoilt.
  19. Forgive me I just get unhappy when I read things like this.

    Marriage is a ministry. And when you get in there you have to have some level of tolerance and keep your expectations low.

    How can you be angry just because if he goes and studies for his phd you won't get the attention you need on your little music career. See the bigger picture sister.

    People are not perfect and believe me when you enter that marriage is till death. You have to enter in such a way that if assuming he was perfection before you met but then starts drinking, or coming home late, or stops his job or steals your neighbors car and wounds up in jail, or gambles your home to zero and you gotta live in a trailer -

    That you won't quit. THATS marriage. It's about sticking it out with a human who just is that - human. Who is growing at their own pace but with you at their side.

    I know your still young and this might be the problem. But your view should be - 'what can I do for you honey?'

    By the looks of things you got a great guy. Trust me the ones out there you don't wanna know!

    Also maybe you probably not just connecting with him. As you not hot for him, he doesn't pull you. I once read that marry the guy who gives you that feeling of when your food is coming at a restaurant.

    On a chemical/ chemistry level maybe he ain't just the one.

    Follow your gut sweety.

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