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I Am Confused Of My Sexuality, Requesting Guidance And Help

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Niko Harrison, Jun 14, 2014.

  1. Hey,
    I'm new to this site so please tell me first off if this is in the wrong section, sorry if it is.

    For a little background info that may help, I was born into a religious family around a religious community. God has been in my life for a long time and i'm sure of that, however in the past few years my family (mainly my mother, my brother, and I) have really fallen off on our faith and commitment. My mother has cheated on my father (who is a very strong believer and the only person I feel that is holding my family together) and despite his attempts to continue the marriage and work things out, mostly for me and my brothers sake, his health is beginning to fall and I'm getting so scared as time goes on. Me and my father both strongly feel that there are demons of sorts attacking our family in a way and we don't know what else we can do.

    I have always been somewhat attracted to guys, and I can be "turned on" by other men. I'm ashamed to say it but I have felt crushes for other guys and it angers me so much because I don't want to feel this way and I know it's not right in the eyes of god. A lot of my confusion lies with the fact that I know when girls are attractive, I can easily distinguish that. It's very easy for me to look at a girl and tell that she is beautiful or very attractive but on the other hand I am not sexually attracted towards women and never really have been. Most of this ability to judge women I believe is more from an admiration view point then a sexual one.

    The one thing I'd like to say is, when I'm inside my house with one of my male friends I view as attractive per say, these urges to sin and do unholy acts are as strong as ever, to the point where I feel I can't resist. However, almost anywhere else the urges are a lot weaker or almost non-existent which gives me reason to believe there are demons of sorts inside my house, I know this is not the right place to discuss paranormal activity type stuff and I'm not trying to offer a possible viewpoint.
    (By the way, I have not had sex with anyone yet and I really have no interest until marriage but I've had enough "experiences" to be able to tell these feelings)

    This confusion has really kept me from growing in my faith as in a way, I feel I can't grow in my relationship with God if I continue to feel this way but no matter how much I pray or resist the urges will only temporarily leave if they even do. I want to stress that I don't WANT to feel this way and I understand fully I can't live a complete live with Christ if I continue to do this stuff, I just feel so lost and confused.

    I'm just asking for some advice from those who are stronger in their faith then me or from those who may have experienced something similar. Anything helps and i'm sorry I've written a lot but this is just such an uncomfortable and private thing for me, I feel I can't share it with anyone I know and I really have no wish to because I feel they'd take it the wrong way.

    Please pray for me tonight or when you can find time to, I ask that you pray for God to give me the strength to resist these sins that I feel I can't control and that God may help give me some guidance through a very confusing time for me. Prayers for my father's health would also be appreciated.
  2. Hi brother. I will pray for you and for your family. There is a pastor called Michael Brown who might be of some help regarding those temptations that you mentioned. However, always bear in mind that Jesus is our only hope, that he loves you, and that he is the only one who can help you. He is also the only one who can judge us. God bless you.
  3. Welcome, Niko!

    I have prayed for you about this, Niko, and I agree with the undercurrent of your story, which is the conviction that this affliction you are experiencing has its roots in the demise of your family unit, and the attack of the enemy. Add to that your own carnality. There is nothing new under the sun with regard to sin, and so I suggest you speak to your pastor or ask your pastor who he would consider a wise male in the congregation who could mentor you and hold you accountable as you beat this thing down.

    I can tell through your words that your desire is to follow Jesus, so trust Him and lean on His relentless power to free you and keep you, and comfort you when you are hurting and confused. Remember to honour your body and to hold others as better than yourself, which will go a long way toward honouring others and keep you from anything unseemly between you and a male friend.
  4. Niko, what you are experiencing are known as the "works of the flesh" which are these....

    Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
    Gal 5:20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,
    Gal 5:21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

    Immorality is a very powerful urge to do. It is almost like a overwhelming desire to do what is unholy. The flesh lusts against the spirit and spirit against the flesh. They are contrary to one another so you can not do what you want. You are being tossed back and forth from one to the other. It is something every Christian goes through. You need the strength that can only come from the Holy Spirit of God to be able to overcome these desires. Ask God to strengthen you by his Spirit in your inner man so Christ can take control over your fleshly desires. Your mind is the instrument Satan uses to try and trip you up. He does not know what you are thinking, but he can see your reactions to his suggestions. Keeping your heart, and mind set on things above will allow your spirit (Christ) to have dominance over the flesh.

    Pray this prayer that the Apostle Paul prayed continually for the Church every day. Ask and thank God for the Spirit of Wisdom, revelation, counsel, might, faith and understanding, and the Spirit of the fear of the Lord, and all manner of workmanship.

    Eph 3:14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
    Eph 3:15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
    Eph 3:16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
    Eph 3:17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
    Eph 3:18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
    Eph 3:19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
  5. Welcome Niko. I will be praying for you. :)
  6. I will be praying for you for sure. Yes, there is certainly demons afoot in your house, but it may not be the building but a family member. You said that your mother cheated on your dad - was it with another man or a another woman? It really doesn't matter because the act is the same spirit and that may be what's going on. It may be too that someone in your family is watching porn. That's how I found out my oldest was, every time he would I was attacked with all kinds of lustful thoughts that were not my own. I asked the Lord to help me find the source and I discovered it was my oldest son. After I blocked our internet much of it stopped and it completely left when we went off to college. Ask the Lord where it's coming from and put up and hold onto the shield of faith (Eph 6). God will help you. Continue to resist.

    James 4:7 (KJV)
    Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

    Part of resisting isn't just keeping from sinning, but also confronting it too. To do that you have to take control of your thoughts. The devil has flooded society with sexual imagery and innuendos in all facets of life. So, you must watch out for them. Noticing someone's exposed muscles or glancing at a body part only fuels the flames and it does burn within you if you let it. It seems like you respect women (by not lusting after them) so the devil has given you thoughts about guys saying stuff like "oh it's only a guy, you're a guy, there's nothing wrong with 'checking' him out". That whole exchange of ideas can happen in a nanosecond. Learn to spot it and with your mind's eye "paint" over the images with the blood of Jesus. This is how Paul says we are to overcome. He shows the same fight you have over sin in the flesh in Romans 7 and cries out just like you:

    Romans 7:24 (KJV)
    O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

    Thank God he continues with the answer:

    Romans 7:25 (KJV)
    I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

    It's all about how and what we think.

    2 Corinthians 10:5-6 (KJV)
    Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

    How do we do that? Just like I said, paint it over in your mind's eye (your imagination) the blood of Jesus over the image until all you see is His blood and ask the Lord to delete it from your mind. This is why it's so important to follow the word of God:

    Philippians 4:8 (KJV)
    Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.
  7. Niko, I would ask if you feel you can hear the voice of Jesus?
  8. Hey Niko, welcome to the forum, thanks for being so candid with us.

    You've been given some good advice already, may I add this,

    For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Heb 4:15

    That means if we have temptations then Jesus Himself has had the same temptation when He walked on this earth, ...how did Jesus overcome His temptations, by quoting Scripture, out loud, to the tempter. Mat 4:1-11

    Jesus is our role model, we need to do what He did to be successful in overcoming our temptations, so may I suggest you read every verse in the Word about your temptation, read and reread them, memorize the verses and then use them, speak them out loud, It is written....., and watch the enemy flee.

    You said your family has fallen away from the Lord, take a look at this illustration, a steam engine, the men stoke the fire in the boiler and when there is enough pressure they pull on the throttle and the train starts moving down the tracks, pulling the passengers and the materials it is carrying towards their destination,, however, if they stop feeding the fire the train will still kept moving down the tracks, but slowly it will start losing momentum, at first the passengers will not notice, but finally it will run out of pressure and be dead on the tracks.

    That is what happens to us, at first we are on fire for the Lord, in our Bibles, talking the Word to who ever we see, attending church, but little by little we slow down, the enemy of our souls brings temptations into our lives and we find excuses to stop feeding the fire.

    Now, let's go back to the illustration, the train is dead on the tracks, the engineer and his helper had fallen asleep, they wake up, the train has stopped, they look outside realizing where they are they are in danger, they need to be at a switching spur, very soon because another train is coming in the opposite direction, they open the fire box door, there are still some coals glowing red, there is water in the boiler, wood in the next car, they start stoking the fire, blowing air on the wood with the bellows so that it will ignite, they have fire, they add more and more wood, continuously watching the pressure gauge rising, they have enough pressure to start the train moving, not enough for full speed, but at least it's moving, finally their hard work and strenuous effort has paid off the train is rolling at full speed again and they will make it to the switching spur in time.

    That is what you and your family need to do, restart the fire, get the train moving again, your part is to learn the verses that are necessary to overcome the particular temptations the enemy throws at you, also you need someone to help you, I suggest you tell you father (it seems He wants to get the train moving again) what you have told us and tell him this story, get you brothers involved too (don't tell them your temptations) start reading the Word at home, have a family devotional time, pray for one another, dig into the Word as a family, visit the Lord's table in you home at least once a day if not more often, demons won't stick around where the Blood of Christ is proclaimed, plead the Blood on your lives, on your family, on your home, most important, pray for the Lord to place you and your family in the church He has for you where you are needed and they can love on you and help you and you can receive from them, if you do this, get the train running at full speed again, then you will all be looking to keep the fire burning, you will all grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, your faith will be built up and you will all have stories of how God intervened in your lives, and maybe, just maybe the Lord will keep your family together, we never know what He will do until we seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, then trust Him to work out His perfect plan in our lives.

    Be blessed,

  9. Thank you guys for responding and welcoming me, I really appreciate it. In regards to the man who asked if I can hear the voice of Jesus, I'm so ashamed to say that I can't or at least feel I can't. It's been so long since I've felt close to God and I just don't know what to do anymore. My mother cheated with another man (someone asked, I don't remember which one did).

    Thank you for all the advice given, of course if anyone else has anything more to add it will of course help but I will take all that's been said and use it, thank you!
    Heart_for_Christ and SergioL say Amen and like this.
  10. Niko, hearing Jesus is as simple as reading you're Bible!

    Also, love covers a sin, not expose it, you need to stop airing the dirty laundry of your family and you also need to forgive your mother in your heart, she needs love not condemnation, the reason she did what she did is because she is looking for the love that only Jesus can give us and she was deceived into thinking it would be found in the arms of someone else, she probably already feels guilty, ...continue to condemn her and she will not come back, show her the love and forgiveness of Jesus and you have a good chance she will.

    Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits. 1Co 13:4-7 ERV


  11. Well I hope that you become able to hear Him. I would also say that it does not seem as if your are confused about your sexuality ? But that you are under some sort of demonic attack that requires a ministry that understands such things, and has the power to bring deliverance from these things.
  12. Hi Niko and brother I hope this message finds you well. I hope to really share with you a real answer from experience which I can't help but to do, considering the open testimony you've given. The answers are actually very simple to understand, a little harder to put into practice however, I'm sure this will give the tools you need to understand your situation. Would you allow me to share the remedy?

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