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How To Show More Interest In My Child

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by Landon Taylor, Apr 4, 2011.

  1. I feel like an old old old person when I observe my children watching TV or talking to their friends. Sometimes it sounds like they are speaking a different language. I'm not "down" with the slang and I don't watch MTV among other things my kids to and this makes me feel disconnected from them. I yearn to be closer to them but when I try they sort of just.. push me away. Does anyone have any advice on how I can show my interested in my kids?
  2. How old are your kids? You mentioned one son in another thread who was 6, what are the ages and gender of the other kids?
    You don't have to be "down with" the current slang or be up on all the current trends (although that does help) to connect with your kids. Take an interest in what interests them. When they see that you care about what they care about, they are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings. I'm no expert in child or adolescent psychology, but people in general tend to open up when they see that someone is genuinely interested in what they think and say.

    Young people, well, pretty much all people, also are looking for approval and validation, so it is important to offer that as much as possible, and it is possible to offer approval and validation even in situations where there is a conflict of opinions and values.
    Mark likes this.
  3. Trust me, MTV wants you to be disconnected. If you felt comfortable, they would ditch the show.

    Why do you want to be close to your children? So you can "feel good" or because you have a deep down calling from God to love and invest in your children? Our motivation is HUGE!

    After motivation, then we have to ask ourselves, how does God want us to bring up our children? What is "nurture and admonition?"

    May God give you clarity as you seek Him! God desires you help and guide you. But there is no step by step guide to help you connect to your children. It takes time and loads of investment.
    Soulful likes this.
  4. I would suggest getting to know your child's friends and and their parents as an effort in getting closer with your child. Knowing who your child spends most of their outside-of-the-home time and what kind of backgrounds these kids have is the best chance of figuring out a broach vector for getting closer with your child. Just my two cents!
  5. It's normal for teens to push their parents away. It hurts, but I think we all go through that phase where we want nothing to do with our parents. My dad was just really abusive to me. So regardless of what you may be feeling, don't insult your children. I don't know you so I can't say you do or you don't. But it seems like you genuinely want a relationship with your children. I know when you insult your children, your children hold bitterness against you. My dad was emotional AND physically abusive towards me from the ages 10 to the age of 20. And when he emotionally abused me, it hurt me the most. And now in the end, he thinks I've forgiven him. But I've struggled with hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness towards my Dad. And I honestly feel God placed me to be an advocate for children who go through the same thing.

    So whatever you are feeling, maybe it's anger, do not take it out on your children. Take a walk, listen to some music, do something that will give you an outlet to your emotions.

    Now, I'm not saying you do this to your children. I HIGHLY doubt that you do. You seem like a good Dad just from your post. :) I mean, if you weren't a good father, you wouldn't be coming to a Christian Forum Site asking for advice :)

    Just know that this phase will past. Your children will grow and get to a point where they are THANKFUL to have parents. I know I went through a phase and I know others who have gone through the same phase. Continue drawing close to them. Make it KNOWN that you love them, REGARDLESS of how they respond to it! Because at the end, they will be thankful that through their hardest times, you were ALWAYS there for them.

    I wish my Dad was like that, but sadly he was not. And still isn't. But he's changing :)
  6. It does hurt when they substitute friends and other interests, and no more need to hang out with mom... My twin boys, now almost 22, nearly never contact me (one not at all, the other once every 2 to 3 months if I'm lucky). The 14-year-old son lives a few miles from me, and we just started going to church together again. I'm trying to get involved in his life, but he has put up a wall letting me know that he's not a baby anymore--I can't see his texts and that drives me nuts. What's he writing about???? He's a good boy though. He's being raised in a very good Christian home by a great father. He's been in the same church all his life...But back to the point of the teenagers/kids--they grow up and away. It's a part of life. It happens younger for some and not for others. If I had it to do all over again, I would cut out a hundred things that seemed to be more important than spending time with them when they were little and still wanted and needed me around to pay attention to them! Now it's the other way around! I'm waiting for the thankful phase....I did watch my son play a video game and he thought I was interested (I don't know anything about those things--I was faking it) and it made him happy.
    They do have their own language. Their music is...well...not as good as mine was.... Oh why can't they just stay 2!
  7. All children grow apart from their parents as they try to earn independence in adolescents. It is important to find common interests and to do things with them. We do family devotions every night where we read a devotional, the bible, and pray together. We also sit and have family dinner every night. You might try instituting a family game night, or even playing Wii together. Although I have to say that I found I am too old for the Wii or too out of shape :eek:
  8. I think it is but normal for a teenager to push their parents away. But just think of it, what if you're son or daughter will do that to you in the next few years? Would you be hurt? Well, that's how they feel as well. You can organize a party or a get together for all of you. If they refuse, try some other time or tell them that you want some quality time with them. Going out with them is a good idea for bonding.

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