Hello, instead of launching into bunch of explanations, which I am no good at. And I will probably break this thread into 3, as I don't overwhelm everyone with too much information all at once. I will just use examples to illustrate Example A I know this pastor once, when you first met her, you'll think she is a woman full of God's love. She loves say positive things that build people up. She loves to help people to a certain extent. But the problem is her "loving actions" seem to have a string attached. In another word, she will be loving if you put up with her domineering manner. For example, this pastor has a really abrupt manner. she is one of those people if you approach her with a question, if it is not a convenient for her, she will simply say in an abrupt manner " No, I can't". In fact once I was attending her bible study group, the first thing she asked me was " where is your friend" I told her my friend decided to attend another group, at that point she said to me " No, he CANT" I remember thinking, "who the hell are you to dictate to my friend like that?". if you allow her to dictate how "you" should relate to her and her family. For example, she has a son who is a real brat and bully. And if she sees her son bully someone else, she would always approach that person with something super spiritual like "iron sharps iron", in another word, her son is doing "you" a FAVOUR by bullying you, just bear and grin it. And if you dare to point out that you have the right to stand up for yourself, or the fact she only says when her son is involved, and if someone turns around and do to her and her family what her son is doing to others, she would make sure that person is dead, that is when she turn nasty. In another word, if you don't live by her rules, then all the love she seem to have for you would turn into wrath, and she would bully you into submission. I know many of you will probably will ask yourself, why is he asking the obvious? I am asking the obvious because I have been told many time by this pastor accomplice that " no one is perfect" as a way to explain her behavioural pattern. And I ended up feeling I should be the one that apologise to her for not wanting to put up with her behaviours. And I ended up feeling more confused than ever.