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How Do You Deal With People Who Hurt You, And Show No Remorse?

Discussion in 'Fellowship Time' started by wegs, Jul 13, 2013.

  1. I know what Jesus teaches...turn the other cheek, etc. Pray for our enemies. I don't believe I have 'enemies,' per se, but rather there are people who have greatly hurt me. I've forgiven them, in my heart. But, how do you view people who hurt you, and show no remorse?

    How do you cope with such people who wrong you in life?

    I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.
     
  2. Honestly one of the hardest things to do in life is to suppress the urge to retaliate when you're getting provoked or downtrodden. I've had the problem for ages (slowly improving and learning) and there's no straight solution I can come up with, but it does help to say "Oh well that's their problem and not mine" just to shrug it off and forget it.

    That said, continual bad treatment does require different tactics like completely avoiding the enemy if possible and things like that. This is a stumbling point for Christians who mis-interpret what Jesus is saying to believe they should ignore repeated bad treatment, but in reality Jesus is basically saying it isn't a good idea to trade a poke with a punch (i.e. retaliation). There could be other interpretations but that seems to be the most realistic one.

    But back on topic it seems the most effective solution towards forgiving and forgetting is thinking positive instead of negative thoughts. Thinking positive isn't really considered much in the modern world which is odd considering that our moods and the things we do all originate from the thoughts we think inside our mind. I've tried that approach and it definitely seems to put water on the fire quite effectively.
     
    Sparrow, wegs and Rusty says Amen and like this.
  3. Y
    You have helped me so much! I didn't know that was the meaning behind Jesus' words...turn the other cheek. Don't seek revenge in other words. I am not a vengeful person but it has crossed my mind as to why this person (I have I mind who hurt me) never seems to pay a price for his misdeeds.

    But I do pray for him. That he finds God and stops hurting others. I notice when I do this. It diffuses my anger at it all.

    Thank you so much; I feel better! :)
     
    James Elphick likes this.

  4. You're welcome! It took a long time to figure out that's for sure lol :p
    I mean hey it's not easy being on the receiving end of hurt, but if there's one thing that's certain it's that all sin surfaces eventually and must be paid for. There's a few people I've known who have committed sins or such for up to 10 years or more and gotten away with it, and you almost start to think that God left them off the hook!
    But then after some time I began to hear their relationships are failing, they're living life alone, I knew one guy who unfortunately became a quadriplegic from a car accident related to his life-long drinking problems.
    So yeah often it seems like people can get away with this stuff but it's better to just forgive and forget and leave it all in God's hands. You can almost be assured that their past catches up to them, it's always just a matter of time! That's something us Christians have to remember too :)
     
  5. Paul in Romans 15 tells us that we need to own it from those who mock and belittle us. Paul quotes psalm 69 and it is incredible to me how Paul compares we as brothers and sisters in The Lord with those in psalm 69 who mocked and insulted Yeshua on the cross. Paul's point was that just like how Messiah suffered willingly at the hand of his enemies we need to endure with one another. That was a shocking revelation to me the comparison. My advice to you is that true forgiveness requires suffering. If you aren't willing to suffer the other persons debt that was created by what they did then you are not truly forgiving that person. We want them to be good and apologize so that we can easily forgive them, but what if they aren't apologetic? God is calling us to live our lives as living sacrifices unto Him. We think that good people are better than bad people, but God thinks humble people are better than prideful people. And He desires to take prideful people and turn them into humble people. It is not our goodness per say that God wants to use in us because none of us are really good. What God wants to use is our humility. Forgiving others because He forgave us. And He suffered silently on our behalf. Why shouldn't we expect to suffer as we'll? Good luck.
     
    wegs and Rusty say Amen and like this.
  6. my personal point of view is that Forgiveness is more of something we do to ourselves rather than something we do to others.

    Why? Un-forgiving is unhealthy: it is destructive to one self.
    Thus, we forgive whether that person change for the better or not…
    that is forgiveness to me...

    and then, the act to encourage a person to change for the better: that will be Love.
     
    wegs likes this.
  7. Yes, it can be seen at like that, although that will be PASSIVE I think..
    How I see it: it means to retaliate in the positive: ACTIVE

    Ancient teachers/philosophers usually teach: “do not do unto others”: PASSIVE

    While Jesus teaches us “do unto others”: ACTIVE
    Love is always ACTIVE.

    In my opinion : )
     
    wegs likes this.
  8. First of all the Bible tells us to PRAY for them. Secondly the trick is to develop thick skin. Although I do get offended by some, I have learned over the years to surrender it to God. Sometimes it takes me longer than other times. NEVER let the enemy set the root of bitterness in your life.
     
    Rusty likes this.
  9. I think at first I am like any other human and I experience anger or sadness. Then comes a time where I know that I have to forgive in order to go on with my life and so I do.
     
  10. I hear where you're coming from. I think that forgiveness and trust are two different things. We can forgive someone but it doesn't mean we should be trusting them again. We can forgive people who are not trustworthy but be prudent in the way we deal with our boundaries with them. The Bible talks about being mindful and such regarding fools and people who are there for not so good things.

    I myself have struggled with this very issue from time to time and it is a difficult one. On a more personal note, I think we need to realize that we are forgiving for bigger reasons: so we can move on, so we can heal with God's help, so we can release others, etc. But that being said, forgiveness does not mean we are saying what someone did was right. We are simply letting go of the way it has affected us and those feelings etc and moving on. I've also found that I've had to forgive on more than one occasion and remind myself of the above things over and over again. ....it's a process. Thanks for starting this thread. :)
     

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