How do I stay kind to someone who I don't want to be kind to?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by jmilly, May 17, 2015.

  1. so I have had this problem in the past and I failed. and I don't want this to happen again. When i like a guy I really really like him and if I find out he is not interested, sort of a way to move on or something, I act really cold and unfriendly and almost mean. Sometimes it is subtle and underhanded and sometimes it is overt. Well recently, I didn't actually get rejected by the guy, but I'm realizing I am just not his type, and I am kind of disgusted by how he has turned into kind of a sleezeball. I already have the intention of just giving him the cold shoulder. But I know I need to be "kind" to him and still "love" him even though he doesn't like me like I liked him. But all our mutual friends say he is such a nice guy. and the truth is he hasn't actually DONE anything to me. He has been kind to me and thoughtful.
    The other thing is that I know and I KNEW even before this, that now isn't even the right time and/or he is not the right person for me. I need to be focused on my job and my health. I was disobeying God by even pursuing and trying to think of ways to talk to this guy and whatnot. So it would be bad to disobey God again by being unkind and mean to him. The problem is I guess i'm not a very friendly person. I just don't know HOW to act around this guy that would be "kind"

    I think part of the reason i act so mean after i feel rejected is to get the person to go away and leave me alone so I can get over them. But then i always regret it. Because we could've been friends or something or at least stood a chance of reconciling down the road when the timing is right and we've both grown. It's like i'm attempting to sabotage the situation

    so anyway, long story short, I want to be "kind" to this guy who i will likely interact with quite often. I cannot avoid him completely, that is impossible. And in letting it go, i also recognize that I was wrong for going after him anyways, not God's will, and I just knew. I want God's Best, and God has come through for me before and has given me way more than i had even thought was possible, and I am going to trust Him on this one too! He'll come through for me again, but I don't want to screw this up by mistreating this guy who hasn't REALLY done anything wrong (other than having a "type" that is different from me). I never want to be mean to a guy again like i was in the past. the last time it happened i vowed to never do it again, and i need to prepare myself for when i next see him
  2. This may be hard for you to hear and even harder for you to do, but it ultimately is the way: Luke 9:23, "Then He said to them all, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take his cross daily, and follow Me." Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

    The biggest obstacle be have as Christians is OURSELF. We get in the way of ourselves. That is why Jesus says that we must deny ourselves....we must die and Christ must now live and act in us.

    We will be in constant struggle if we keep living for ourselves. If it is not one thing it will be another and then another and another. You will never be free of your struggle until you are free from yourself!

    I hope this helps you in some way.
    Klub likes this.
  3. I don't think it's hard to hear - it sounds like the thoughts I had tugging at me when I wrote the question. I knew that being a cold, snotty jerk to the guy (living for myself) is NOT what's right. So i understand that part of it. But can you please explain in layman's terms what you mean by i need to take up the cross daily? do you mean i need to read the Bible every day? or think about what Jesus would advise me to do in this situation? Say, if the guy comes up to me tomorrow? I guess I am asking, what does your advice mean in practical terms?
    Actually I guess I don't understand what you are trying to say at all... :-( sorry! can someone explain?
  4. I will do my best to explain(with The Spirit's help).
  5. Thank you!!!! I am eager to see what you have to say! I will have to see this person tomorrow and I want to mentally/spiritually prepare myself. I feel like it's a test: will I stubbornly do what I want and treat him harshly, or will I resist that and do something else?
    Mykuhl likes this.
  6. Ok, the best way to know what it means to deny yourself and take up your cross and follow Him is actually in that same verse. Let me explain.... how did Jesus live His life, how did He walk? Think about it for a while. Did He do or say anything of His own accord? Who gave Him the power to do what He did? In short....who did He live for? What did He live to in what was His ultimate end on this earth?

    *If you need help answering these questions I will help.*

    You see, we can see truly see the model of life in Jesus's life, all the way to His ascension where He sits at the right hand of The Father in heaven.
  7. I think I understand....
  8. Unfortunately, it isn't something you can learn in a day, it will be a life long lesson. But, I will give you some advice that you can use right away.
  9. Go ahead.....don't let me stop you [emoji14]
  10. Lol... I'm not sure what to say!
  11. Lol, you said,"I think I understand...".

    I wanted to know what you think you understood. So I can see if you understood what I understand [emoji14].
  12. Well i thought you were saying, basically, that I need to make it a daily habit of remembering that Christ is living through me, and I am supposed to act accordingly... something like that.. and that I probably won't really fully grasp it within a day. is that about right? is there any other way you can explain it?
  13. Yes, that is basically what I am saying.

    You know that cliche saying...."What would Jesus do?"? Well, in your case practically speaking do what Jesus would do, NOT what you would do. BUT you need to know what Jesus would do for you to be able to do what He would do.

    Don't mind me I am having a little fun with you with my choice of words lol. Although I am being serious in my content.
  14. hee hee, i actually was thinking the WWJD but i didn't want to say that.... haha :)
    Mykuhl likes this.
  15. Hahaha! That's funny, it seems The Spirit is working after all[emoji6]
  16. Sister, We love God because he first "loved" us. (1 John 4:19) Being the first to love another person whom we do not like, will cause that person to love you back. It works! In return it will change your heart towards them to.
    jmilly and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.
  17. Ok this is great advice. But I guess I was wondering if you guys can give me any more advice right now because I feel extra rejected at the moment. I had "followed" him on social media and he still hasn't followed me back. I just noticed he has followed other people however and they are all those blonde large ...ahem... Busted females. So I just noticed that and feel a particular sting right now. It'd be a lie to say I don't like him. I just feel rejected by him and angry and that's why I wanted to be"unkind". Oh thank you so much for reading. I mean as I said in my earlier post I was turned off and rejected by finding out his "type" I still feel rejected when it's like he is adding other people (not just girls but friends too) but not me. It's like deliberate.

    And I feel like it's a challenge. How going to be kind to him when i feel so rejected by him? Does the earlier advice still apply?? Ordinarily Id say Id avoid him. But I can't do that. I will have to interact with him. That's the problem and I need to be nice.
  18. I just found this article. Wanted to share in case anybody else had the same question I had. In addition to what you all have said it's helpful. It is consistent with what you said

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