How Do I Keep Faith That God Will Send Me My Wife?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by MatthewXD, Apr 1, 2014.

  1. Hello everyone.
    I don't like posting multiple threads about similar topics but this
    is something I'm really struggling to come to terms with and need guidance on.
    I posted a topic a little while ago about my ex girlfriend whom I am pretty certainly I was madly in love with.
    To put it blunt and simple, she wasn't a virgin. I was, it tore me up inside. And now we are no longer together.
    I frequently found myself missing her company and wishing that I hadn't remained celibate as it likely would not have been an issue for me if I had not, but I know thats what the enemy wants me to think. But still I can't help but feel like that.

    My ex was everything I wanted in a woman minus the lack of virginity and a godly attitude about sex
    and promiscuity. She often felt as though it wasn't a big deal and there was something wrong with me.
    Enough backstory though. So now, I've met a couple women. None of them have been really exactly what I want but the ones that come close are never virgins. And I just feel as though if this one girl could have been a virgin and had god helped lead her to a path of celibacy, like myself. We'd still be happy together.

    Some days I find myself deeply saddened as it seems as though I have a 1 in 1,000,000 chance in finding
    the woman I desire, if she even exists beside my ex. I feel like I've been saving myself for no reason. Sometimes, I really feel like god is not listening to my prayers. And I know that its impossible to please the lord without faith but I'm finding it increasingly harder to keep it. Hence I'm going here for advice.
  2. My humble opinion: You need to focus a whole lot more on God. "How do I keep faith" sounds like a lack of faith in God.
    Why do you believe you have a 1 in 100000000 chance in finding a woman you desire? Why does it sadden you?
    Do you believe God will not provide? Trust in God that he will provide everything you need. I think this will help with your confidence level, which will also help you with the women, because women like men with confidence.

    Maybe take a trip into the wilderness alone for a week, and just spend time with God.
    gbeecher likes this.
  3. I had a mountain of faith at one point. I've just dealt with so many disappointments.
    My ex probably being one of my biggest. As far as confidence, I'm pretty confident in myself.
    I just don't have any confidence in the population of women. And perhaps I am too specific in my desires
    but I would like a woman who is tall (5'9 - 6'4), is a christian, whom I am attracted to, and with a personality that is similar or complements mine. Its not often that I even see a woman who is a virgin, 5'9 or taller, a Christian, and someone I could get along with.
    Thats why I feel like I have such a small chance. The virgin thing alone is pretty big. It saddens me because I have a lack of faith and I'm afraid that the woman I desire does not exist, and that very few people understand how I feel in this scenario. I've been called judgmental too many times.

    However, I was reading a section of the bible. I can't quote the exact wording. I don't want to inaccurately quote the bible.
    But in a nutshell, it said that God will not always give you what you want but what you need. I recently found out that its best for me to date someone whos waited like myself. I'm not one of those people who'd be able to handle that sort of thing. I feel as though I may be stuck with less than what I desire.

    I'm trying to keep faith that God will provide. Would you happen to know any encouraging bible verses?
  4. A woman that's 6'4?! You must be very tall brother!

    You do have some high standards. I don't have an opinion on if that's good or bad.

    I do however feel bad for the Christian girl that you reject because she's not a virgin. I would think its more important that she has repented from her past. At the same time I respect you for remaining pure.
  5. I'm 6'2.
    And yeah thats my point exactly. And I feel a little bad for them as well but I've dated four non-virgins
    and my feelings for their past didn't change between the four of them and I'd rather not have that chipping away at my happiness the entire time if you understand what I mean. And thanks, a lot of times I wonder what the point was aside from pleasing the lord as that is something he want's us to do.

    In some ways I feel as though it is unfair that I'm expected to wait
    but she isn't. I feel cheated.
  6. I'm glad your honest about your trials with your faith. We all choose the wrong way sometimes, and we also get confused innocently. There is no room for doubt in serving God, but regardless I'd like to offer some scriptures regarding God's way of granting us a wife.

    Before that, though, let's talk about the flesh and the spirit.

    Ecclesiastes 8:8
    There is no man that hath power over the spirit to retain the spirit; neither hath he power in the day of death: and there is no discharge in that war; neither shall wickedness deliver those that are given to it.

    At first glance, this verse seems like it refers to the man (i.e., man the organic creature, our flesh body) being unable to retain our spirit when we die. But that is said after "neither," which means that before the word "neither," something else is probably being discussed.

    The human body has no power to control our spirit, nor does it have the power to retain the departure of our spirit on the day of death, and there is no discharge in that war, neither will wickedness have the power to contain our souls from the Second Death if we earn it (Revelation 2:11). Only Love has the power, incidentally, to be our containment from that death, our refuge (Psalm 18:2), and God is Love (1 John 4:8). Faith in Jesus Christ (John 3) and hence love of God (John 14:15) is not spoken of in this verse in Ecclesiastes, because there is nothing that has the power to separate us from God and eternal life if we love Him. The flesh can't contain us, wickedness can't contain us, but God can if we choose Him over that wickedness.

    But what is the definition of our "spirit"? It's not our perceptions, or any thought our brain brings to our attention without our input.

    Our spirit is referenced in the New Testament in a contextual way that refers to it as the WILL or the veto-power of our soul. Many times, that word "spirit" also refers to the Holy Spirit, or to particular mindsets (a similar meaning) we can put upon ourselves. But the fact of the matter is that while the flesh cannot win against our self-control through God if we choose to use it, the flesh itself (i.e., your brain and body) will never tell you to do the right thing 100% of the time.

    Romans 8:7
    Because the carnal mind ((flesh)) is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

    The carnal mind is derived from all of our natural instincts, our doubts and fears and all other emotions and perceptions processed through this physical brain. This body has the objective of its survival, creating "alternate scenarios" in which God doesn't exist as He says He is, for example, or that God would excuse one act of extramarital sex, because the flesh really wants to survive and reproduce.

    When we have these feelings "before" sin, we've absolutely done nothing wrong, whether they are hypothetical doubts or sexual feelings or strong temptations to do something bad. But it is when we either act on them without restraint, or we even intend to act on them or let them convince us a little bit (see Matthew 5), that's when our spirit chooses the way of our flesh and not the way of God, and that is sin. Make no mistake: if you walk with God less earnestly because of any thought, or if you stir yourself up to think against Him, that's sin. But our temptation to doubt is something else.

    As Jesus said perfectly, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." If you know God has told you to do something through His word or His guidance according to His word, you can either do it and love Him or not do it. You can choose love for God, or succumb to fear:

    1 John 4:8
    There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

    So when we feel a doubt, or a strong feeling on the flip-side that makes us think God would give us a special pass to do something sinful, if we stand in the face of that perception that comes from the flesh and essentially spit in it, saying we will love God no matter what (the true God who has revealed Himself to us, not any man-made or man-construed gods or their rules), that is how we overcome fear. And that is how this fear has no power over us.

    Does that mean we get to "earn" our own salvation? God forbid! Because in order to be saved because of our perfect record, we would have to never, ever sin. (Galatians 2:16) That's not something Paul did (see Romans 7 and his obvious past before conversion), that's sure as heck not something I did, and that's not something any human besides Jesus, who was God in the flesh, ever did (1 John 1:8). But Jesus Christ had that perfect record, and by believing on Him and trying our absolute best to be perfect every day after day because we love God, we don't make any provision for sin in our hearts (Romans 13:14), and if it does happen, we repent and totally re-dedicate ourselves again.

    God has never sent any of us any test we can't handle, or isn't common to all humans; we've always been sent a way out that would have availed us if we stuck through and loved Him with all our hearts (1 Corinthians 10:13). Our sins are our fault, and the metaphor of God (specifically as the Son) being our "bridegroom" and us choosing to accept His wedding invitation and be the Bride is seen throughout the New and Old Testaments; see the book of Hosea and New Testament verses like Matthew 9:15 for examples.

    You can look at our sins as a deeper, spiritual relationship between a husband and a wife. What is worshipping another god, but committing adultery with another man in your own husband's house? And what is a lesser sin, but flirting with another man in front of His very face and making Him feel a massively inflated version of those heartbreaking emotions a lot of men feel in real life? We (specifically males, as touching sexual pair bonding emotions) were made in God's image; God knows all the general emotional situations we do. And the Song of Solomon, when read, is an expression of the love of God toward His Bride (humanity who loves Him, i.e., the "church") that would make almost anyone cry upon reading it. The Living God loves us so much, He gives us the chance to not marry Him if we so choose, like any good Bridegroom would.

    God loved His wife so much that He went back and died for her so she wouldn't have to be guilty for it if she ever repents (see Ephesians 5:25). And the only thing that stands between us and that forgiveness is repentance in the name of Jesus Christ (1 John 1), which means repenting of anything that isn't in love for God and denying ourselves (Luke 9:23).

    The doubtful thoughts that our mind creates that we can shoot down, and succumbing to those thoughts by allowing them to take over our faith or make us waver, are two different things. But whether you've sinned through doubt (as I have in the past) or you've just been confused about experiencing these thoughts as your flesh creates them, I want to make sure the path to get back on the right track is open for you.

    Ultimately, to deny ourselves is to be willing to give our whole lives to the Lord. If you love God enough to live a life of perpetual loneliness (something He has promised won't happen, of course), if you're willing to give up everything for God, that is the mindset going forward in which a wife would enter your life. It's ironic, but it makes sense.

    Psalm 84:11
    For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

    Genesis 2:18
    And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

    Remind God of these two promises in prayer, but more importantly surrender everything you have to Him and ask for His guidance in your life (Psalm 32:8). I truly believe that the need God has in you for a mate will be filled, but you must be willing to wait and learn everything He has to teach you that leads up to that. If you love God enough to live a painful life that doesn't have a mate and still believe in Him and seek His will each and every day, if you draw nigh to God, God will withhold no good thing from you. It just might take time.

    Always remember that, no matter what, the doubts or temptations the world sends you are never enough to hurt your belief; God will never send you anything you can't handle, as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says. No matter what sudden fear comes upon you, love God and face it with His help:

    Proverbs 3
    25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
    26 For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

    And of course, if you are legitimately confused, come to God with a totally willing heart and He will lead you into the Truth again or deeper into the Truth, if you come to him with all your heart and strength and mind. But the journey of serving God and having a wife in your life is one journey, not two; the first step is now, and God will lead your steps afterward through whatever obstacles you might encounter if you follow Him.

    Matthew 21
    21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

    22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

    The caveat here is you have to believe in order to ask this gift, and a believer is someone who not only knows God exists but trusts Him, and hence loves Him. And if we love God, we would only ask for whatever is His will. Our objective is to further God's love on Earth, and the desire to have a wife for that reason is great: the work of God was designed from the very Beginning to be accomplished by families; look at Adam and Eve and the familial nature of all the Old Testament stories. Your desire to have a beautiful woman beside you who loves you wilfully, romantically, sexually, et cetera is something that fits perfectly into that. But let it all be one love flowing through you, brother, from your journey to having a wife to when you embrace her to when your work together is finished: a love of God without blemish even to the end of your life.

    God bless you!
  7. Let's get a few things straight here.

    Stop with the virgin nonsense. We all blow it and make mistakes, sins and hence why everyone needs Jesus.
    Any women that has repented it's all clean by the blood.

    Also this focus on "nabbing" a girl should not be the focus. You have not because you ask not and you have not because you asked amiss. It is not that God does not care, for he said I will perfect that which concerns you (Psalm 138:8) But any man of God should be focused on the kingdom of God. That is right, God's things first and Jesus said if you do that, then everything else is added unto you. (Matt 6)

    So any "future" women is the one connected to you to do the plan of God.

    Faith cast care over to God and considers the issue not again. God, I'll focus on your things and you will make perfect my world.

    God is not opposed to being wealthy, not opposed to having many expensive things, but if the focus is for our own selves and not the Kingdom, not getting this Word out, then we have a very frustrated time ahead of us. The spouse comes when the place is entered to where you need a help meet to do the plan of God. Until then............., focus only on doing what you are called to do. If you don't know what that is, seek it, but do the best at everything in where your at unto the Lord. God is then faithful and you fall into it.

    Where is the Messiah and God is Love say Amen and like this.
  8. Seek ye the kingdom of God first; ..... He should be your only love, right now. Allow Him to come into your heart and transform you into the vessel He wants you to be. Then when God gives her to you; you will be ready. Amen.
  9. First, I strongly disagree with "Stop with the virgin nonsense." I think purity is very important and you should not settle if it is a big deal for you. I want to congratulate you as well for maintaining your purity.

    I would caution on the attitude behind it. You said that you feel cheated that you waited and she didn't, and before that you wished you weren't a virgin either so you could still be with your ex. The only reason you would have to feel cheated is if she was unfaithful to you--you have no control over her past and should not use that against her. And I think you can decide not to marry someone without holding their past against them.

    With that said, I would like to offer you some hope . . .

    I am happily married for two years now, and my wife and I were both virgins. We met by divine appointment at a time neither of us was actively looking for a spouse. We had both been through disappointments before and had also considered changing our standards to accept someone that was not a virgin. But we are so glad we waited faithfully because we experience a freedom now that we could not otherwise. There is something very special about knowing that there is no sexual history--no one to be compared to, or to have temptations thinking about.

    You can have high standards, and you should. Just be careful not to judge people that don't meet them, and please don't date anyone else that is not a virgin. It is not fair to them. Pray, trust, and wait actively. Work hard on becoming the man your future wife deserves.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  10. I married at 25 and she was my first AND it was a week after we got married! (Because of the timely monthly event...) We were both virgins and I'm now 47 with 3 wonderful kids and I'm still in love with my wife!
  11. It's simple... forget about it. Leave it in God's hands and it'll be so. Maybe He's waiting on her to get saved. Trust Him and let Him do His thing in His time.

    Psa 27:14 (KJV)
    Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
  12. @Abdicate , you are a man of great patience and self control :)

    Thanks for sharing. It is always good to hear of others that waited--because it seems that there are fewer and fewer these days. People need to hear that it is still possible.
  13. Duplicate post. Sorry about that.
  14. I take double the blessing :D
  15. Sorry if this is off-topic, but why is virginity so important?
  16. All sexual activity is reserved for your spouse. So if they are not a virgin, that means they became one flesh with someone else. :(

    But God can forgive through Christ.
  17. Maybe the OP should have stayed with his ex in hopes one day that they would convert? It is very difficult to find someones to care about...
  18. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22) One thing you should not do is settle for any woman because of impatience. If we wait on the Lord....he will renew our strength. You if love God, then you should be with a woman that loves God also.
  19. That's quite a shopping list you've got there!

    To the point, though, when we make ourselves available to God and focus on Him according to what Matthew 6:33 says:

    Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

    Add to that the fact that it is God who instills us with the desires for those things He wants to give us. He is quite happy for you to set down a "shopping list" and to declare out loud to Him what you desire. In the meantime, following hard after Jesus is the thing to do. Discovering what it is He has planned for your life in all other areas so that you will be complete and balanced and ready to receive that woman that he has already picked out for you---will keep you busy and will keep your mind not so occupied with it, so that one day soon, there she will be! God's best for you! That woman you waited for and honoured with your body without even knowing her! Whether or not she has a past should not overly concern you if she is a Godly woman now and wants to serve Him with her life and walks in righteous ways. He has forgiven her and has set her on a right path, her sins (and yours) unremembered by God---so you can also.

    I personally know several people (my daughter among them) who have devised a list of desires for a mate, including the same sort of things you have, and I have seen God fulfill every item on those lists. I have also seen him omit a few requests, which were totally acceptable by all parties when the right spouse came along!

    So, make your list, and make your requests known to God and remain flexible to how He will meet them, and most of all, be thankful in advance for what He is about to do! Anticipate!

    Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
  20. I am not sure how much this is going to add to the thread. I think it is going to be very very hard to find a person who is a virgin in this day in age. I'm not saying impossible, but a lot more rare these days than people who have lost their virginity already.

    And that said, maybe you and her aren't compatible because of her attitude about sex. I myself am unfortunately not a virgin any more technically, but I also wasn't a Christian yet at the time. Once I found God one of my vows is to remain a virgin. So although I am technically not a virgin physically, I am born again and renewed. There have to be others out there like me. I'm sure of it! So that's just my little addition. And I've met people in my Christian group, who I was shocked to learn had casual sex with our (then) classmates, and acted so nonchalant about it. Christians who had been devoted a lot longer than I had. So yeah I guess even within the Christian community, there are people who call themselves Christians who don't have that Godly view of sex. But then there are those who are full-on virgins, a rarity in today's society, and finally there are those like me, who found God late, but have adopted a Godly view of sex.

    I would keep praying about it if I were you. Maybe your ex will change her views on sex, or maybe you will meet someone new!
    Where is the Messiah likes this.

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