I have never asked this question before of anyone. Partly because I find it embarrassing and shameful. And it relates to my other post, and is the reason I am struggling to find a job. I wasn't "saved" until late November of 2012, when I was in school, and the second to last semester was nearing its finish. I had about 2 more weeks of classes before the finals, and then after that just one last semester of graduate school. Before I found God I was a wreck. I was a lazy person who did not try her hardest. I barely tried at all. Life was meaningless and I admit here (for the first time) that i really let everyone down as far as how I was as a worker/student. My family thinks that I was this studious and hard-working, ambitious person but I wasn't. I was depressed and barely did enough to get by. I did the bare minimum, and read the cliffs notes version of the reading assignments (it wasnt actually cliffs notes but it was the equivalent in my field). I am very ashamed of myself. But when I look back on it I think, well if I was saved and a follower of Jesus then, I KNOW I would be a diligent, conscientious student. That's because my final semester I actually got semi-decent grades (not the best - I think part of that has to do with building on what I learned in previous semesters, and since I didn't learn much, my grades the final semester reflected that. My hard, yet joyful work the final semester could only help so much) I once saw this 700 Club episode in which this guy was a drug addict / homeless guy, and he found God and became saved and applied for this job, and he said he definitely wasn't qualified, but he got it anyway, even though there were other applicants that didn't share his troubled background. But I just don't understand how employers are going to hire me since my record represents how I was before I was saved. I simply am not qualified, and my record shows that I was a terrible student who got terrible grades. I guess I'm trying to ask - I know that if you try and pray and have faith and all that, you can have anything you want - but what happens when the thing you want will be based on your past efforts, on what you did BEFORE you came to know Christ? These employers all ask for my transcript, and once they see it, I know i'll be out of the running. This is part of why I get so depressed Does my question even make sense. Please ask for clarification if you don't get the question. I am really wondering about this and have been for some time. I obviously cannot go back in time and change it, but if i could, i'd have found Christ sooner, much sooner in my life, not just in grad school but before that! but i am happy I finally found him. I clearly needed him to get through grad school and was in SERIOUS danger of failing.