How can I forgive?...

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by 3nails+1cross=4GIVEN, May 24, 2008.

  1. How can I forgive?...

    Well hello everyone..I am kinda confused..
    See,I just started school about a month back,and I liked this catholic guy. He was nice & caring.At first,I was hesitant about telling him,so I told the girls (about two of them,both christians) in my clique about it.Naturally,the others (there were 5 girls,including me) in the clique heard about it.

    Well,the guy in question is also part of the clique,but he didn't know about it.All he knew was that I liked a guy.& the girls in the group were rather supportive (saying he is a nice guy & all),and encouraged me to let him know how I feel.Whenever we go out together,they would make 'couple jokes' directed at me & the guy.

    Soon,he asked me about the guy that I liked.I told him I was unsure,but he knew the guy.In the end,he found out about me,and told me that he was unsure if he liked me in that way,and that he needed more time to think about it,as it was a huge decision.I respected that,but did not anticipate what would come next.

    The following day,he smsed me to say that he doesn't like me,but will continue to treat me as a good friend.But at the same time,I found out that he dated one of the girls in the clique that I was rather close to,and first confided in.

    So now,although they still take me as a friend,I feel rather betrayed & angry.I felt like I no longer belonged in the clique,as the girls formed another clique,and I was excluded.

    Another issue is that I had once brought the catholic guy for a Life Meeting (short service)but he said that it was too different a system for him,and he did not turn up for subsequent meetings.However,as far as I know (through the account of his current gf & his blog posts),he has now 'converted' to christianity,and is even considering getting baptized again.

    Well I know I should be happy for him (and them),but I just can't seem to let go & forgive him.Any idea what I can do to help myself come to terms with it & forgive him?
  2. First let me say I am sorry for your pain and embarrassments, relationships can indeed be difficult to sort out.
    Secondly let me say this- after the price He paid and all He forgave us for how can we not forgive. Things take on a different look when put in the right perspective. Jesus forgave us and calls us to forgive. Every time we do not forgive it is like carry around another weight on our backs- often the person we are upset with has forgotten the issue and yet we are burdened by it. If you keep adding these weights of unforgiveness soon you will develop a root of bitterness and your life will be full of mental anguish and torment. Himan beings can be influenced by only two spiritual forces- the Spirit of God or the god of this world.
    When someone hurts me I usually pray something similar to this:
    Heavenly Father I choose to forgive ________. If they were walking in Your freedom and love they would not have hurt me like that, I now realize that ________ is in bondage . I now release this person to You and receive Your healing in that area of my life. I pray the blessing of salvation on ________ and ask that You fill _________'s life. In Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen.
    After praying let it go and receive that healing by faith- you will find a real freedom and joy in doing this and you will find others around you easier to understand and deal with when you began to see then through His eyes.

    PS: I would recommend not hanging out exclusively in a clique, that is not what Jesus did or what He would have us do.
    3nails+1cross=4GIVEN likes this.
  3. Thank you for the reply..I did pray along the lines that you wrote,and it did help me..Though I don't understand the purpose of the last few lines, because they are both christians too..

    And well,the thing about cliques is that,it's not that I want to be in one too,just that I know if I am not in one,I will be termed as loser,loner & the likes..So it's sort of like a no choice situation..
  4. I am glad you are choosing to forgive. Even Christians can be in bondage to darkness. The Word of God tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Any area that we have come into total agreement with the Word of God as revealed by the Spirit of God we are free, anything else is old fleshly thought and must be discarded. Sometimes you will see Christians who behave badly- this is a result of not being renewed in an area of their life.
  5. Hi, Amandaz. I have broken down some of the parts so I can easily reply to them. Please note, if any of my comments sound offensive they are NOT! :D Sometimes we just come off as rude over the internet, and God bless.

    Well, I can understand that is painful. But, do you know when this other dating took place? It could have happened a long time before you even started realizing you liked this person. Even a month before. :)

    This is the only thing about having "cliques" that causes divisions among friends, regardless of faiths or beliefs. I am sure that this was not meant, in anyway, to hurt you. I am sure whoever the girl he dated before did not mind you dating him, unless she still liked him and didn't like it...but as I read your post I am sure she doesn't mind from what you are saying. :)

    I agree with Larry. Continue praying for him. Prayer is the best way to forgive someone. Right now, you're blood probably feels like its 200 degrees. I have gotten angry with people, and my feelings hurt. Sometimes, just telling yourself things and talking about it to family or friends helps. Not directly saying "such and such" did this or that, but discussing feeling betrayed and angry and having a hard time forgiving. That's how I got over my anger at people. I used to hate my aunt, because she was jealous, rude, and self-centered. She still makes me irritated at times, but I have to treat her well despite her yang-yanging.

    Lol, I hope I didn't babble on to much. :D

  6. haha once again,thanks for replying to this thread & giving advices :)
  7. I just want to say I understand you pain and have been there countless times. It is good that you want to forgive and sometimes forgiving people are hard. pray about it with your pastor (don't h ave say everything just that someoen hurt you and want to forgive them)

    And honestly there is nothing wrong with being termed one of those things. I am guessing you are still in high school, so let me tell you this:

    When I was in high school I wasn't a part of a clique and yes I was considered a loner, loser, outsider, etc. And I don't/didn't care. I was friends with a lot of people I admire and who at the same time wouldn't do something like that. Later in college the fact i wasn't cliquy in high school, I wasn't that way in college either and I go to met alot of wonderful people that way.
  8. Here is my humble opinion, my friend: in order to forgive someone, a wrong must be committed against you, personally.

    I've had painful crushes my entire life. Oh, I was so sure that if only so-and-so would like me back, I'd be happy forever! Hee hee. Doesn't work that way. They hurt, and that's why they're called crushes.

    We can't make people fall in love with us, or like us. This young man, in my opinion, didn't do anything fact, he told you that he'd continue to think of you as a friend. That's a good thing!:D It's a gift, not a curse, when someone offers to be your friend.:)

    But just as we can't make anybody like us or fall in love with us...we can't prevent someone from liking or falling in love with us. That sounds like what happened with your girlfriend in the "clique".

    What happened between them, the immediate chemistry, is between them; the boy and the girl. Sometimes it's hard to lay down control and just to admit that we're not in the loop...but it can be easier when we finally do admit that to ourselves and move on gently with our lives.

    There was no wrong committed against you, my friend. If you like someone, there's no solid guarantee that he's supposed to like you back. It's not a law, unfortunately (or most of us would be criminals, hee hee:p).

    Take the offer of friendship from the boy and treasure it! Whoo-hoo! Praise God for it, as nobody is so rich as to throw away a friend. Friends are sent from God. They're priceless treasures.

    You didn't lose two friends because they found out they liked each gain an extra friend who offered you his friendship!:D

    God bless you.:)
  9. Sometimes the person is not worth it. I've had crushes and the person of admiration is a low life. In other words, all my crushes are people who are worst off than me spiritually.:) If he was your boyfriend, imagine the thrill ride he would have made you go through. Even drugs and things that you wouldn't want to do. We should never seek lower standards in anybody, but always better people.
  10. Well well. =)
    I've a sad update about the whole issue though.
    They broke up a week later,and now the guy and I are back to being jokers around each other.But the problem at hand now..Is that the rest of the 'clique' has pleged loyalty to the girl.So now there are two distinct groups.I don't know which to choose,because if I choose the guy,it's like betrayal to the girls,and they think that I am trying to get at him,which I am so not.But I don't seem to have anything against the guy,because I've already gotten over him & the rejection... -BIG FAT SIGHS-

    WW; I didn't mean that he commited any grievous harm to me or anything =D just that I felt he should have told me straight off instead of leaving me hanging and then flick me off.:rolleyes: yepps.haha.
  11. well.. personally i do not like "belonging" to a clique.b/c if you try to belong to a clique you limit yourself. you end up trying to conform to their expectations. and not God's expectations.. you shouldnt worry so much what the cliques will think and worry more about what God thinks.. if you live your life for Him. not worrying about what other people lable you as.. im sure you will find friends who believe the same way you do and do not expect you to act a certain way or hold grudges..

    another thing about holding grudges or not forgiving some one. half the time they dont even know your mad at them. or have already forgiven you.

    so thats leaving you tormenting yourself for no reason.. might as well forgive them.

    i try my hardest to be a forgiving person. and from experience.. you feel ALOT better when your not angry at some one or worrying about how to fit in to a certain group.
  12. Perhaps the next time you enter a relationship, the decisions and emotions and secrets about it may stay just between you and the guy you like? Perhaps only turn to someone else outside your immediate family or town friends if you need to ask questions like Mary did with her older married cousin Elizabeth?

    Things can become messy when relationships expand beyond two people and become a 'group relationship'. It appears this may be what happened here.

    Real life is not as clean cut as Sex and the City where the women can stay best friends and not steal each other's guys even if they share secrets about their relationships with each other. In my personal opinion sharing secrets about relationship into a group, is like a emotional orgy which is very icky.

  13. How about this???

    Write it all down, a letter, a diary, a journal seal it for at least six months ,perhaps a year and then open it and read it. I promice, You will wonder why you even bothered to write it. Life goes on. . . 2,5 10 years from now when you've progressed ,married, or what ever, you will barely if at all remember any of this. Social encounters and relationships that end do so for a reason. Because they weren't right, they weren't what is the best for you. Our Lord watches out for us in all things. He guides our path for our benifit always.

    My advice. . . Our father in heaven knows better than we do what is best for us Accept that and get on with your life. Thank God, get past it and get on with more important things.;)

  14. I wrote it down on paper quite awhile back,prayed and burnt it. :)

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