Household husbands

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Ravindran, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. These days I get to read so many interesting topics in Facebook! Another post I came across there

    Household husbands.. Basically, wife working and providing financial support for family. Husband staying back, taking care of kids and home. What do you guys think about it? What does Bible say about role of husband and wife within a house? We debate about roles in Church. How about house? Is it a new trend which will become popular more and more? How a Christian react to this?
  2. Especially in these economically difficult times, it is going to be fairly commonplace that a man may lose his job and the wife not (assuming both were working. It is perfectly acceptible (and commendable) for a man to take over the household duties while he is not employed outside the home.
    To a certain extent, you could paraphrase Paul, and state that "whatever your job is, do it well and be content in your circumstances".
    This has nothing to do with authority or gender roles in the household, but more of "who can make this household financially stable".
    I've known several families where the wife was the bread winner, and it worked for them. The women did not lord their breadwinning over the men and the men did not shirk their duties to children, meals, and laundry.
    A comment to all men - DON'T LET YOUR EGO DO YOUR THINKING FOR YOU.
    SparkleEyes likes this.
  3. #3 Man-ofGod, Oct 16, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2014
    Husbands for spiritual reasons (the most important reason of all) are to lead there household ( 1 tim 3:4, Eph 5:23) . Woman by their lot are given the most important duty of all, raising Children to be fit for the kingdom of God. The husband (houseband) is to bind , protect, and support the family. This is God's ideal arrangement.

    Not always possible but that should be the goal.
    Major likes this.
  4. I wouldn't mind at all... but at the same time, my wife works harder at home and I do at work! @Glomung is right, don't let the egos in and the question becomes moot (y)
    Major and SparkleEyes say Amen and like this.
  5. I completely agree that we should let ego into this. Absolutely no question of gender authority as well. Just trying to see if God designed family to function in any particular way!

    Looking this from other side. Are men capable of giving a child the same care a mother would?
  6. Not the same, but just as caring. Men tend to be more logical and strict and unbending with a bit more conditional in relationships, whereas women tend to be more understanding, flexible whose love is more unconditional. Without one, the child becomes unbalanced. Both are mandatory to raise a balanced child with God in the middle. Check out the Hebrew of "Man" and "Woman" study I did
    Ravindran likes this.
  7. #7 LysanderShapiro, Oct 16, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2014
    Household Husbands, House Husbands, Stay-at-home Dads, etc. etc...there is nothing contradicting here with Scripture. It suggests nothing outside of the authoritative role a husband may have.

    One of my all-time favorite movies is Mr. Mom. I get laughed at for loving it so much (and I understand), but it remains probably my favorite movie ever. The main character, Jack, loses his job working in a Detroit auto-making company. After this, Jack's wife, Caroline, returns to the work force in as an ad exec leaving him to manage the home and take care of their two young boys. In a short amount of time, he struggles with the general how-to's of the common house-wife responsibilities but more-so with his pride and and the mental weariness that comes with the job. It's a comedy, and it illustrates these scenarios pretty hilariously (he sinks into a stereotypical slump of over-watching soap operas). Eventually he pulls himself up from his bootstaps, buckles down, and gets out of the slump. Everything ends up working out in the end.

    But with regard to the movie, one thing I loved about it was that while he was Mr. Mom, he remained the husband and father. Throughout the movie, even during his sort of downturn, he never broke his commitment of being the authority over his children and his role as a husband. The movie didn't have any sort of feminist agenda nor did it try dismiss the husband role (which a lot of the culture does suggesting a husband and father isn't so necessary). In fact, it highlighted the importance of this role within a family. This movie did what most stories in TV and movies avoid doing. That is why, while this movie isn't cinematic brilliance, it is still a very smart and funny movie which I think had a pretty excellent message.

    So whether it is by circumstance (like Michael Keaton's character, Jack) or by total choice, being a stay-at-home father doesn't by default disrupt one's duties that a husband is to have over the family.

  8. This is definitely a topic that I can relate to.

    Before I met and married my wife, I was a stay-at-home father to five children. I did this for 5 1/2 years before our relationship ended (we weren't married). It just made sense for me to stay home since I was going to make much less than my girlfriend. We were living in Upstate, NY with one vehicle. She just made more money, so she worked and I stayed home and took care of the children.

    Now that I am married, I still stay home and take care of our daughter (and soon-to-be son come February), but also my wife. She has an illness that comes and goes, and when it comes it hits hard and can essentially debilitate her. I fully believe that the time that I spent at home with my five children was preparing me to stay home now. I also fully believe that my time spent as an EMT was also for now as it gave the medical knowledge needed to handle a wire array of medical issues. I also have this caregiver role engrained deep within me. I don't mind being home for long stretches of time and am a bit of a home body.

    I will say that there is still a bias against men who were stay-at-home fathers who are looking to get back into the workforce. I experienced it myself back in 2008 and still hear rumblings of it today. Back in 2008 I went to Rita Staffing in order to find work, but was told that they cannot help me because I had been out of the workforce for 5 1/2 years and I am not ready to work. My response was that I am sitting in front of you, I am wanting to work and clearly am able to work. I was further told that I wasn't marketable to any of their clients because of me being a stay-at-home father because I didn't have any current experience. She told me to get a job at McDonald's if I want to work and then come back to Rita Staffing in a couple years.

    I did try McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and other fast food places. No one wanted to hire me. Mainly I was told that I was over qualified because of having been an EMT.

    It is my belief that either the father or mother can stay home with the children while the other spouse works. That this notion that the man must work outside of the home and women to be in the home wrong. The Bible just says that the man must provide. Provision comes in many forms, and not just in the form of money.

    Thankfully, even though I do stay home now, I do pet sitting when a client calls me and I do freelance photography for a company that insurance companies call who want pictures of damage down to vehicles or other property. While it cannot be considered a living income, it does pay for my child support each month and anything extra that we may want to do, like go to the drive-in or a dinner night out.
  9. Greetings;

    Men need to get out into the jungle and be tough as leather,so coming home they can whip the children into submission.
    Beer is a poor ingredient for cookies.Hey(dude),tastes Ok to me.

  10. The key I think is communication and consent. Traditional gender roles are a guideline, not a requirement.

    That being said, I do believe traditional gender roles have significant advantages over non-traditional ones. Each gender has gifts and natural-born talents that make them ideally suited for one role or another. One is not required to fall into that role, but it can make life more difficult if they do.

    These days a lot of marriages are failing because both husband and wife pursue their own careers.
  11. #11 KingJ, Oct 17, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2014
    It is wrong / unfair on the mother to expect her to be the one who has to work in the early years of her childrens lives. The maternal bond in a child's early years is / supposed to be very strong.

    No matter how society changes, men will always be better work horses. Emotions and strength do not change for a woman unless she takes substances that make her more like a man.

    A man is an overkill for working in the house / looking after kids. He has not got the patience or sensitivity children need unless he takes substances to become like a woman.

    If God wanted a man to stay at home and bond with children He would have given them the womb, breasts and more emotions. He didn't.

    As Christians we should push for careers / lives that encourage men to be men and woman, woman.

    Woman can do any job, sure. But they shouldn't have to unless its necessary.
  12. I think the problem is that we are not one-size-fits-all families. I'm not suggesting anything outside of traditional marriage and the role of a husband and a wife, but occupation shouldn't define the husband or the wife.

    The reason why it is more beneficial for the women to be at home than the man is because of her bond and position of nurture is more fitting. Not every family is in the same situation as the other. Sometimes it makes more sense for the woman to work if it is a financial reason and the husband to take care of the home. Perhaps the industry that the father is in is declining and the mother's work is becoming more in demand -- financial support still needs to be met.

    One family I know well (their eldest son is married to my sister actually) is set up where the mother runs a catering company while the father (who was previously an educator) homeschools the younger children while also continues maintenance around the house. He also leads a co-op class for homeschoolers (which my youngest sibling is involved with actually). Because the mother has always wanted to go into catering and because their kids' education is so important to them that it made sense to homeschool, it made sense to do what they did. Granted, the younger kids are now in their early high school years -- their independence isn't what it used to be perhaps when they may have clinged more to their mom.

    There is valid reason to argue why the husband should be out hunting and gathering while the mother stay back and nest, but occupation shouldn't be looked at as a role-reversal. The husband was not deprived of his husbandly/fatherly role and the mother was not deprived of her wifely/motherly role. And if it's a subject of ego and pride, then we've got bigger problems.
  13. I wish my wife had started a lawn care business years ago.......but I can not get here to even mow the yard. (Wait, didn't I say that already?).

    She won't mow the yard for me but she makes me vacuum the carpets for her. And she has the nerve to insist I am the head of the household.

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