hoping for some thoughts

Discussion in 'Answers' started by Hoping, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. hoping for some thoughts

    I am not entirely sure how to do or say this so i'm hoping this will make at least some sense. I have never believed in god since i wasnt raised that way and i always thought i needed to see with my own eyes and not believe what someone else thought i should believe or wanted me to believe. But something that happened to me lately is starting to make me wonder. And i am trying to see the significance of it even tho it might seem like nothing much to some other people.I have a long distance relationship with a woman and when i visited her the last time in february on the day lent started she told me about it and i did not even know what it was. She told me about it and even did the ash on the forehead thing and i remember saying to her that if i had to give up the thing i love the most it would be her but i could never do that.Thinking back i remember waking up when i was with her and thinking i had some cross on my forehead of some substance and i wiped it but there wasnt anything there and i just didnt think much of it since i just woke up and figured it was part of a dream. She told me one of those days that she was having a hard time getting over her exhusband who abused her mentally and me being there was extremely hard for her to deal with.When i got home things were pretty good at first besides missing each other but the more time went on the more we seemed to alienate from each other and she said it was because she was trying to spend more time with her kids and also just being busy taking her daughter to soccer 6 times a week and i just seemed to be more and more lost without her even tho i kept trying to tell her i missed her and she did the same.Lately the pressure started piling up so much about it that it exploded in our face and we decided to give each other some time to figure things out which was last thursday when we said goodbye for a while after i told her she should try to get over him completely and i would give her some time to work out if it was really me she wanted in her life. she accepted it and that was that. but i couldnt deal with it and tried everything to get her to talk to me again and i think i was pushing her away with that.Long story not so short yesterday on easter i was wondering what she was doing on easter and i decided to look up some things about it because i needed to keep my mind occupied.I read about the last supper which happened on a thursday and how its said that jesus died on the cross the next day and got ressurected and all those things i know about but just reread and i started putting dates into place and thinking of why we were doing things and how things happened and i just started feeling the lent that i didnt purposefully act on might have somehow happened to us anyway by us seeing each other so little and me pretty much having to give up what i love the most which is her.I understand that lent is in preparation for the easter celebration and looking back to the dates i noticed that the thursday we said goodbye but would see each other soon which would be on the day of the last supper and the next day i woke up i pretty much felt like i was dieing over something i just didnt do and seeing jesus died on the cross for other men's sins which is how i felt (that i was paying for what her exhusband did to her).Then came easter and i started to get those thoughts about the whole lent thing and the crucifiction and easter and i contacted her and told her i still love her and wanted nothing more than for her to wish me a happy easter and tell me she still loved me and she did while also saying she took her kids to church for the first time in years.I fully understand that no matter how much i feel like i suffered in those days it would be nothing compared to jesus suffering.I am not saying i am special in that way i am just trying to figure out if something like i think happened could have happened subconsciously and or by the will of god to make me see in some small way god exists with were obviously some assumptions on my part and some weird date placements and the opportunity to actually think of it on easter but i read somewhere that lent is for people to start opening their hearts to god and i am wondering if that is something that could have happened with me, opening my heart to god in some way or if this whole thing i am thinking of is flawed somewhere like for instance you need to purposefully go thru lent or something.I am also fully aware i am in distress right now over whats happening to her and me so i might be more influencable.The more i write this wall of text the more i am getting almost embarassed and starting to get unsure if i should even post this but i think i will anyway.Any thought and replies would be very much appreciated and i apologize for the long read and thank you if you made it through and hopefully some people will feel like commenting.
  2. God acts upon a person before they come to believe Him. Maybe in a strange way God has used this time and experainces in your life to start the process.

    The Old observation that God works in mysterious ways is true in relation to us who are limited in understanding making His ways seem mysterious. But if God is Working on you be assured He knows what He is doing.

    I would love to hear more from you.

    All Praise The Ancient Of Days
  3. Friend, I've read your thread several times and don't know if what I say will help but perhaps on some points I can reply. I can understand the feelings you have concerning this relationship and how we can almost 'clutch at straws' when going through this type of experience.

    It sounds to me as if she needs some 'space' to sort out her feelings and the fact that she has gone to church for the first time in years, is perhaps an indication that she has come to the end of her own resources and is turning to God to help her.

    As for your experience concerning Lent and the days leading up to Easter, I can't tell you if it was a genuine experience of God or not, but I can tell you that God used that experience to draw you to read about Jesus , His death for our sins and His resurection.

    You can open your heart to God at any time .He will step into your life any day of the year, makes no difference if it's lent or your mother's birthday.

    The first time I spoke directly to God (instead of repeating prayers which I had been taught from childhood by heart ) was when I said to Him one night ' God, if you are really there then I would really like to know'

    To cut a long story short, He answered that prayer by leading me to Jesus. If you are serious about your questions concerning God then I suggest that you ask him to reveal himself to you.

    I will pray that you truly find God, not just to help you out of your present predicament, but as your saviour and your friend.:)
  4. Thank you for the time and effort to reply. I really do appreciate it and will take what you have said to heart.

    That said i know that what i have written and assumed may have looked weird to some people but i have found Him. I am thinking back now and realize that my entire life has been a struggle between good and evil and even though my eyes werent open for it they are now. I have had schizophrenia all my life so it was hard for me to grasp the severity of what was happening and how he was revealing Himself to me all the time. The sickness made it so that anything He did could be explained by it and what the devil did was the same. I tried to protect myself of my illness by ignoring things when really what i should have done is protect myself from the devil. I have heard demon voices and i have been tried to be taken over bodywise. He rescued me and i thought to myself well i'm over it now and it was quite the battle and then i continued to forget what he had done. Despite it He persevered and showed me what true love is by helping me and revealing Himself to me the last few days and i couldnt be more grateful. I know i have my flaws and a long way to go but i will not let Him go for the rest of my life. That being said once again thank you for taking the time to respond. I will check back for any new posts regularly on my way to be a good God loving person.
  5. Great to hear your words. Be assured that all things that work towards bringing one to the Love of the truth, Jesus, are a blessing. Also know that Only God is good all we can do is try to be the best we can and with His Helper ,The Holy Spirit, we can be better then the best we can be.

    The Day is comming when God will put an end to the world as it is now and we who believe the love of the Truth will be made Good by the power of God.

    In loving hope for you and to the day we will all meet in joy with Jesus :groupray:

    All Praise The Ancient Of Days

Share This Page