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Honoring One's Parents

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by gracesteph, Jun 22, 2013.

  1. I am not a perfect Christian. And there's one thing n my life that I am terrible at. Honoring my father.
    I have always had a great relationship with my mother. She wasn't around a lot growing up because she was always working. But she has sacrificed a lot for my sister and me and I am grateful for a mother like her. She is very graceful and (almost annoyingly!) selfless to the point where she would always eat last after cooking or never buying herself that one designer bag she has been eyeing. She taught me to involve God in my life and let Jesus in my heart.

    My father on the other hand is not a very Christian man. I have experienced domestic violence in my home) towards my mother up until I was about 14. It happened maybe once every two years but it happened and it was very traumatic. That's why I grew up to be a very independent and strong woman. I don't take crap from anyone. If I feel threatened (with or without violence), I always find my way out of the situation. Thus I am very protective of the people I love and even my sister who is 8 years older than me.
    So yeah, my point is that even though domestic violence hasn't occurred in a long time, he still has his bad moments where he is obviously looking for a quarrel. I believe he has psychological problems.
    I feel bad for not honoring my father. But I cannot love this man. I know I wouldn't be here without him,but he is not a man to look up to. I would go as far and say that I could hardly cry if he ever passed. That's harsh. That's not kind, but I can't help what I feel for this man. I can't force myself to see this man as a loving and caring father. He is none of that. He is only my biological, earthly father.

    My problem is that even the 10 commandments state that one should honor one's father and mother. I know my behavior is not God's will.

    Do you have experience with that? Have you ever had trouble with a parent? I'm not talking the fits you threw when you were a teenager, I mean situations that made you question your relationship to a parent.
  2. Sorry you guys, I'm fairly new to this forum and I didn't know there was a separate section for family topics. Could anybody please move this thread there?
  3. why not just let it run where it is?

    You will get more responces and thaey may be helpful.

    It sounds like your father has some deep seeded emotional problems.

    It is also just as true that the cure for him is Christ. Only Jesus can cleanse the heart of such anger and emotionalism where violance is so close to the actions of men.

    I would encourage you to find a good church where the Bible is taught and invite your dad to go with you. I am always amazed at what the preaching of the Word of God will do in such a man.
  4. My dad grew up in a violent household. He witnessed his father beating his mother many times. My father is a few days old now. He grew up in the 30's/40's and I guess domestic violence was a different story back in the day. Plus, he also served (and later on) worked in the army. I am in no way putting the blame on that part of his life or the army in general, but he adopted a strict tone from then on, I suppose and he kept many traits from that time.

    He was a Protestant when he met my mother ( not practicing, though) and he then became a Catholic to be able to marry her in church. He knows God, I guess, but he doesn't turn to him ever because he doesn't even realize he has a problem in any way. I don't want to force Christ on him because I don't have the time and patience to spend on him. I know that sounds very cruel but shoving religion down one's throat isn't my style. One has to be willing to accept Jesus as their savior.
    Intojoy likes this.
  5. It's a bit like sanctification: it's sometimes to do with one's position rather than with one's condition.

    In other words showing honour from a Godward point of view is good, even if the person honored sometimes doesn't demonstrate by his or her life that they should be. I think there is this distinction.

    As always, we need the grace of God to strengthen and guide.
  6. I know that for me, my mom says that I don't honor thy father and mother because I don't call her every day.

    My wife prefers that I don't call her every day since there are lots of negative things that my mom ends up saying during the course of our talks and that my wife feels that a grown-up man doesn't need to be calling his mother every day. That I was supposed to leave her and cleave to my wife.

    Kinda stuck between the two of them. I have tried to explain to my mom, that I don't need to call her every day and that her negative attitude isn't the greatest. She just ignores what I say, says that she did it with my grandmother and that I will regret it when she dies.

    So I just pray for her.
  7. Yes, prayer is important in such situations, right?

  8. Yep, it is.
    farouk likes this.
  9. (y)
  10. You do not have to shove religion at him my dear, just live your life for Jesus so that he can see a differance.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  11. ;) ;) ;) Yep!
  12. Hebrews 7:25 would remind us that if intercession is even now something that is important enough for the Lord Jesus to engage in at the right hand of the Father, it should be for us, too... :)

  13. I know exactly your predicament, you can't truly love if you love by contrition. My father was abusive to me too and I choose to hate that but love him at the same time. Its when you supress those unpleasent feelings you run into a brick wall. On a personal note I don't think you have to like someone in order to love them
  14. We must remember as well that for Christians the Lord loved us even when we were unlovable...

    'My song is love unknown,
    My Savior's love to me,
    Love to the loveless shown
    That I might lovely be.'
    Dirtyrottensinner likes this.
  15. agree, that is how I see it with Jesus teaching us “ love your enemy”…
    If love is mere feelings: it is not possible.
    If love is action: then it is possible.
  16. John said in his First Epistle: "We love Him, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).
  17. Honoring a person does not mean subordinating yourself to them or acquiescing to their every demand, especially when you are an adult. If you speak respectfully to them and about them, you are honoring them. You can even tell your father or mother "no" in a way that is respectful. Honoring someone also does not require pretending they are something they are not.

    However, as you become more secure in yourself and are able to let go of old resentments, perhaps you will develop a more charitable view of your father which will bring peace to your heart. You may even find a love for him you didn't know was there.
    farouk likes this.
  18. You never know, gracesteph: you love tattoos, don't you? 'I love you, Dad', with a heart, can refer to a relationship that isn't going to go away. (Not suggesting you do this; but the parent-child relationship is an unbroken one.)
  19. I think for many they need to become parents to realize the significance of honoring parents. You may not like your dad. But there was a time when you were young and he would have done anything for you. He planned to have you. He was there for you when you couldn't even walk. Sure your mother was there, but if she wasn't I do believe that you as a helpless baby would have been just fine for your first 15 years of 100% dependence. Nappies, roof, food and school fees all taken care of to the best of his / their ability! A parents love for their kids cannot easily be explained but it sinks to a depth of intent where God sees it fit to not ''ask'', rather demand respect from the kids. Just like you as a Christian can hold onto your salvation even though you are still a sinner! Our parents have earned eternal respect merely by being our parents.
    It will be difficult to preach to your dad because of the age gap. But you are definitely one of the few capable of reaching him if he is lost. I fight with my dad all the time, but because we family, we make-up and open ourselves up to hurt / happiness all over again.
  20. KingJ: It all starts with prayer, right? blessings.

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