Honest Advice From A Christlike Perspective.

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lifeasweknowit, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. I've mentioned this before briefly in another thread but still I'm conflicted.

    I have a best guy friend named Chris. Our relationship and closeness is unlike anything I've ever experienced and he is like a brother to me. Chris admitted he was in love on 12/08/12. A few days prior, he found out his girlfriend of 6 months was pregnant. Shortly thereafter he proposed to her, but only because he was told and felt "it's the right thing to do." His close guy friends and myself know the truth, and told him that he could stay in a relationship with her, but to think more about the engagement. He didn't.When he told me on Christmas eve that he was engaged I felt angry with him. I knew he didn't love her the way a man should.

    I was physical on my birthday with him shortly after he went into a committed relationship with his now fiance. I regret that day tremendously and have repented. Shortly thereafter I put my foot down and told him that we cannot hang out alone or if we do she has to know. She, apparently, is very jealous of me and our relationship. She has instincts that he only proposed to her because she got pregnant. Woman have good intuition.

    The reason Chris and I aren't together is because I had the chance but did not want to. He kept dating his girlfriend because she's great on paper, but he does not feel chemistry with her. He has told me that he has thought about her with they have slept together. I know this sounds horrible, but please do not judge. He was not happy to admit this.

    My dilemma is whether or not I should continue hanging out with him knowing that he does not tell her some/most of the time. He DOES tell her if she asks, but he does not volunteer the information. The girlfriend and I are not friends. Chris kept her and I apart, for which I am upset. He now realizes that made things worse. I tell him to tell her that we are hanging out and then he tells me she wont be happy.He is still unsure if they are going through with the marriage and has deliberately proposed a long engagement to test the waters until the child is here.

    My question is, what should I do about seeing him? I'm torn between being a woman and having a best friend.

    Please do your best to answer this question without looking at Chris as a scumbag because he is not. He is one of the most commendable people I know (despite this situation) and is an amazing friend. He has never cheated on a girlfriend before, so no assumptions of this being a pattern.
  2. Anything with two heads is a monster.....

    Tink- you know what you need to do. How does God see this situation? If you are going to step out on faith, then commit to do so. In my opinion-you are doing more damage by remaining friends with him. Chris will be held accountable for the upbringing of his own blood-Chris needs to figure out what he's going to do. The best thing you can do is get out of the way and let him deal with his own sin. Don't add to it-or yours for that matter. Yup; it's gonna hurt....

    Luke 9:57 And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest. 58 And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head. 59 And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. 60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. 61 And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house. 62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.
    Lavell and Rusty say Amen and like this.
  3. Time to vanish, Tink. Too many good Christian women in your present situation wished that had done just that...vanish.
    Don't become a statistic.
    Lifeasweknowit, Dirtyrottensinner and Lavell says Amen and like this.
  4. There is no easy way out of this for Chris. His Fiance is right to be jealous of you because, even though you don't intend to be a threat to her, Chris has his affections set on you rather than her, and is willing to cause her pain (divided loyalties, diverted affection, hiding the truth, and the list goes on) to maintain his relationship with you. Unfortunately, he seems determined to dig himself in even deeper and not only is he causing pain for himself and for his fiance, he is drawing you into the web of pain also. Sometimes the right things to do are the hard things to do, but they must be done if we are to enjoy the fruits of righteousness.

    Meh, outa time again, so I'll have to leave that thought as it is.
    Dirtyrottensinner, Lavell, Lifeasweknowit and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  5. I won't even try to add to what has already been said, except to say I agree with those who have already responded.
    I think you already know the answer to your question.
    The tough part is letting go...

    But I believe with all my heart that God will give you the grace to do what is right.

    God Bless :)
    Lifeasweknowit and Dirtyrottensinner say Amen and like this.
  6. Hi Everyone! Blessings to all of you for your sincere advice and being as unbiased as possible (although when he read this thread, he said none of you have been in his situation and you were all judging him). I don't agree. Anyhow, a lot has happened the past week and I know it is Gods doing.

    1.) I affirmatively told Chris we cannot see each other anymore in person unless his girlfriend is with us. He is not comfortable with this so essentially we cannot see each other.
    2.) After I told him the above, he said "so we're not going to be friends anymore?" and was very upset. He feels after everything we've had that I'm pushing him away.
    3.) Over the course of the next few days after we had that discussion he became very cold, not really texting me as much as he had and is not calling me whatsoever. I never told him we couldn't talk.
    5.) He's made some remarks that aren't normal or him and again, I'm interpreting this as him being angry.

    I get the feeling our friendship isn't going to continue, but if he stays with her it is for the best. Anyhow, thank you all again.
    Rusty likes this.
  7. You did the Christian thing, Tink.

    I personally have not been in this complex situation, even before salvation. My opinions are based on what I have seen happen to other Christian women.
  8. Rusty, you are right. The more and more I think about it, the more I realized it was what God would want. It's tough, but at the same time I feel a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulder...no more guilty conscience. I also think God put Chris in the situation with his fiance for a reason (maybe-not necessarily her getting pregnant so soon part). Ultimately He has a plan and this is His plan for Chris.
    Rusty likes this.
  9. Yup...When you're ready, I'll show you how to let God actually choose your life's love and husband, as He did for me and my wife.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  10. I'm ready!

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