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Help My New Marriage

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by merci, Jan 15, 2014.

  1. Hello. I have been married for less than six months and have come to find out my Husband has some sort of anger issues. He has never hit me but he still scares me. I have seen him grab his daghter by the hair, push his other daughter..all out of frustration and anger. He gets mad over any little thing that goes wrong such as too many red lights or a long line at the grocery. I have googled his behavior and found many explanations. His anger and frustration stress me out. Im 24 with no kids of my own and he is 32. He is very loving and super affectionate all the time except for when he is mad. I meant my vows, for better or worse. I just feel like i cant live in an environment of anger, yelling, frustration and stress. My life will be miserable. I love him and i want him to get help, but he works third shift and never has time for anything cause he sleeps all day. He cant keep up with manly things around the house like keeping the grass cut. I feel like he throws it on me, plus taking care of the kids, going to work and school full time. If i can handle that i dont understand why he cant handle his job and just one other thing. If anything e has to do piles up he gets angry and punches stuff, hes even thrown a chair in the wall. I wasmt raised like this, my dad got mad occasionally but it wasnt his personality. My husband says its normal and every man does os. please give me some advice on what to do, besides prayer. I do a lot of that and feel like i made a mistake marrying him. Everyone told me that something wasnt right. Now im worried that my life is ruined.
  2. Not sure why you posted in Humor section? Anyway, no this is not 'normal' behavior. There could be any number of reasons for his anger outbursts including medical (chemical imbalance, central nervous system disorder, sleep disorder etc.). It may come from his background and how he was raised, or it may be some current issue he's facing at work or some other reason. You need to pray on this. Seek out a member of the clergy and friends or family. Gently raise the issue with your husband. Best to deal with it now, rather than waiting and hoping. Take care, God bless you and I'll say a prayer for you.
  3. Is he veteran by chance?
  4. I certainly am a man and don't behave that way, nor do the other Christian men I know behave that way. In fact if you really want to see how spiritual someone is and how much they really obey God then just watch them and how they act toward their family.

    A mans first ministry is his family. If His family is not happy and in order then the man is not fit for anything else God would have for them.

    So, I guess my big question is................................. which I have tried to stop other women (Who don't listen well) not to Marry someone if I had heard God on it.

    Did you ignore your heart and Godly counsel? Marry anyway?

    When the Holy Spirit tries to put up those stop signs and we just blow by them thinking we know better and our feelings are far more important, then you can't really complain and expect things to end well. If the Lord said "NO" sent others to say "NO" then it's not the mans fault as the man should have never been in the picture to start with. God knew exactly what he was and who he was.

    However, grabbing his daughter by the hair and pushing his other daughter is a sign of danger. It's one thing to yell, but when that control goes past yelling and gets physical it's time to go. It's also against the law to yank a child's hair and the authorities should have been called. At least in the United States.

    I have a 6 year old Daughter and it's never occurred to me to yank her hair, push her or a thought to harm her in any way. Pushing anyone can seriously injure them if they were to hit their head wrong or trip wrong. Men don't do this.

    Since it sounds like you knew and ignored God and followed "Feelings" instead of what you knew in your heart and what others said. Best to repent and get some wisdom and once you have in your heart what you should do, then do it.

    A women I know after much stress and hearing the Lord called the police on her husband about something and he ended up in Jail. he was abusive and not saved. Because she made that hard choice obeying the Lord he got saved in jail and the marriage was saved. he is lots different today.

    Do what you know in your heart to do. You already mentioned it above.
  5. Thanks everyone. I put this in the wrong category on accident gbeecher. Brother Mike he isnt a veteran. MichaelH I really wasnt in my word during our engagement. Which is a bad thing. There is no sense in wondering whether I made the wrong decisision because it is already made. I love my husband and I know there is hope for him. I have done a lot of praying and a little research and i really believe he suffers from anxiety. His mom gets that way as well and his 8 year old daughter. Im not sure if its a generational curse or a chemical imbalane, but all three of them get overwhelmed by the smallest of things. My husband has thought about going to see a psychatrist or something and i think that would be good. Hes really a very loving man and great father. He knows that something is wrong. Please pray for my situation cause I know God has great things instore for him. He has gotten a little discouraged by his christian friends and he is almost in like a spiritual depression,when he first got saved he was on Fire for God but after his first wife left him and their two little girls, he was working third shift and had no childcare. He was literally sleeping for one hour each day because when he got home from work his daughter would be waking up. He has been through hell and now its over tthank God but he is still suffering from some of the repercussions. Honestly I think he needs to be on medicine. Because he really is great. Its just those few times that he gets out of control. He has never put a hand on me though or even acted like he was going to.
  6. Now All I am ready is feeling sorry for him and excuses. I have learned long ago that God is full of Mercy, but not to the point where you don't do what he told us to do in scripture. There is no condition to the human race by which we are excused by disobedience. For if God said, then there is ability and power to do what he said.

    Your Husband was on fire for the Lord? That is good that he was at one time. However what does scripture say.

    Col 3:7 In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.
    Col 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

    What did the Word say he should do now? unlike before?

    And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
    (Eph 4:30-32)

    We can be understanding and kind and encourage others. We can't work with someone though that does not have a heart for God. I have ministered to a whole lots of people and was a Pastor and I have learned we can't enable or side with someones disobedience.

    More than once I heard the story of I can't help myself from hitting her or I just can't control this. Then I hear the sob story about how their childhood was bad and this was bad.

    Now I see your making excuses for him and that is not going to help him at all. Never side with anyone in cry baby mode. Side with what God said. If he thinks for a moment you understand how bad he had it as an excuse to not serve God then it's to your hurt and his.

    A person with a heart to obey the Lord and do what your suppose to do is something we can't put in a person. This is why people make excuses for how they behave. I am bi-polar, I am this, I had a bad that. It's all excuses.

    When I started to know the Lord, it was then my wife left to sleep with another man. The emotions were crazy but I never left God. Times I felt like nothing mattered but I still told myself I have to cast down these Thoughts and know God has the plan.

    No man that walks by faith should even get discouraged about anything. It's a lack of trust in God that does that and it's not pleasing to God.

    What to do:

    If you really want to stand for this marriage, then your going to have to be in faith. Jesus said when we pray, believe that we receive then we have it. We don't wait to see before we are convinced God heard and God moved. We never side with someone excuses for not following what God said. As a wife you also can't mention the Word or correct for it's written you can by your conversation without the Word win them back.

    1Pe 3:1
    Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

    You need to obey this scripture. When he goes into a rage, your not moved anymore.

    I had one wife I was helping and she would leave notes on her Husbands beer when He brought it home. "IS This pleasing to God?"
    i had a hard time getting it through her head on what not to do. For things to work at least one needs to be on God's side and in the Word.

    I have more but there are many denominations and some don't understand faith or doing what God said do. Let us know if your want to stand unmoving or not.

  7. This is exactly why I started by organization - to promote abstinence and teach women to become spiritually led beings so that when Gods says, "He's not the one," they can hear God clearly and have the strength to get up and leave.

    I won't ask whether or not your husband is a Christian, because many people call themselves Christians. God says we shall know them by their fruit; therefore, the decisive issue is whether or not he is a Holy Spirit filled man. The answer is clearly, "No," because evidence of the Holy Spirit is conviction of wrongdoing. Your husband defends his behavior and see nothing wrong with it. You will not find anger in the Fruits of the Spirit, but the Lusts of the Flesh.

    At this point, the only thing you can do is pray and speak God's word over your marriage.

    I will give you my honest opinion. If this man physically abuses his daughter, he is capable of punching/kicking/shoving you. So, my advice will be geared toward that day that might come:

    If he starts to physically abuse you, DIVORCE HIM. I DO NOT support ANY woman remaining with a serial adulterer or a physically abusive spouse. You never know which blow will lead to death or which affair will lead to a deadly STD. I do not believe that God's mercy applies to every situation except for the abused wife seeking a divorce - there is NO biblical grounds for that. Many Pastors will stand in the pulpit and say, "If God wanted you out of the marriage, you wouldn't survive the beatings!" What a harsh and merciless statement that is, not to mention a lie from the pit of hell!

    Many ministers will lay extreme guilt on a woman who desires to divorce her abusive husband. Stand on God's mercy and ask them to show you in the Bible where divorce is the unpardonable sin to which God's mercy does not apply. They won't be able to. I can tell you that God loves you more than he hates divorce, and He is never pleased with a wife's beatings, or a Pastor who condemns a woman to such an awful experience.
    May God bless and keep you!

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