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Help Me In Need Of Guidance

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by katiecookie33, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Hello,

    So I am in my mid twenties and have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. I love this man tremendously and he is my best friend. I had wanted to save myself for marriage but this man ended up being my first everything except kissing. I found out later into our relationship that this man was an atheist. At this point I was already deep in love with him and committed and told myself we would find a way to work through this. We have been through a lot together. We have amazing times, but there was a period of time we were arguing a lot. During this period I tried to breakup with him, telling him the arguments were too much and I was very worried over our difference in religious beliefs. He begged me to stay and I did end up staying, somewhat hesitantly. My boyfriend has not had much of a "real" job in a couple of years..he is trying to start a business but it most often does not even make enough money for him to eat. This makes it so that when we go out quite often I am the one paying for all of our food & etc. This is very frustrating to me. I can understand maybe a year of that- I would support him..but now it's been much longer than that. I have told him of my concerns for the future because of his lack of a job and he agrees that he would also be conerned but just tells me he can't find a good job. Also, I personally do not have a problem with marijuana smoking recreationally here and there although I do not myself..but my boyfriend smokes sometimes up to 3 times a day and it starts to get really in the way of things. When I want to just go out and have a good time with him, he has to smoke first. Lately it seems like most of what he does the majority of the time is play videogames. When I was near him I would cook almost every night while he was laying around, playing videogames. Sometimes he would help me cook, but still this would bother me being that I am a full time student working hard and he has a job where maybe he makes a couple phone calls in a day..and I am catering to him like that. Anyways- I have had doubts/concerns about our relationship for a while particularly because of our difference in religious beliefs. I just keep thinking, I love him so much but is he the one? I'm not totally sure. A couple of months ago I became closer to my friend from high school. I used to tell him everything, and pretty soon I was telling him all about my current relationship. He is a strong christian. He told me I deserve much better and need to leave my boyfriend. This was the first time I had told anyone that I had concerns about my relationship. Adding onto this, I am now having feelings for my friend. I love my boyfriend, but I really feel myself liking my friend and thinking if we could potentially have a relationship some day. He told me that he also likes me, but will be my friend whether I am ever with him or if he comes to my wedding with someone else one day. I'm just so confused right now- this all happened in such a whirlwind of events. It is so refreshing to be able to tell my friend all my thoughts, doubts and secrets and have someone who will listen and care. It is so refreshing to have a friend who will pray with me, because I have felt for a while I don't nessecarily hide my beliefs but I try not to show them that much in front of my boyfriend. I am so confused- more confused than I have ever been in my life. I am scared to death to leave my boyfriend and I am still not totally convinced that is the right thing to do..I don't know. I love him and he was basically my first real relationship. We have built so much together..I just don't know what the right thing is to do. I have been praying for a sign and to know exactly what God's will is so that I know what to do...I have been praying that since day 1 of my relationship with my boyfriend..but I still don't know. I am seeking help and guidance on here because I am at what I feel to be a landmark period of my life....I have no idea what to do. I am afraid and care deeply for my boyfriend. I want to know I am making the right decision.

    Please help me out- I am currently thinking about this 24/7....so conflicted...I need prayer and guidance. Thank you.
     
  2. Hi there Katiecookie33. I sympathize with you, love can be one of the most troublesome emotions that we ever feel. Here is my recommendation:
    1. Take your time when you make this decision. Wisdom always follows patience.

    2. Sit down and talk honestly with your boyfriend, and tell him how you feel. Honesty paves the road to freedom and understanding.

    3. Pray nonstop for God to give you peace, wisdom, and the will to make the right decision.

    4. Get opinions from as many people as you can (make sure that you trust them or make sure that they are not in a position to spread gossip). A wise person keeps many advisors.

    5. Make a list (mental or physical, whichever you prefer) of pros and cons for each of your options. This will give you logical clarity when you make your choice.

    Here's some Bible verses to consider:

    I'll be praying for you, sister in Christ. I hope everything works out for you.....
     
  3. Thank you so much for your response.
    In the past I have communicated with my boyfriend about all of my concerns..If I tell him about my concern that he is not a chrisitan usually he gets upset thinking it should not be an issue and then starts asking me questions about what he thinks is wrong with the bible or something. I do not like talking to him about this especially since he has much better knowledge of the bible than I do- it just turns into this debate sort of that I always look like I have lost. Recently I told him again of my concern of his lack of a job and he said he heard my concerns and understood them. Again this past week I told him of my concerns of his lack of a job and that I was sad that he did not do anything for me on valentines day- and that I was not looking for a material good..I just wanted to be recognized as special to him. He got upset at first and then apologized for everything and said he was looking for a job but just couldn't find anything. I love him but I just don't see that much of any change happening....I don't know what to do. He would never leave me and has been afraid of me leaving him for a while...I don't want to hurt him because I love him. My heart breaks at the thought of it, I feel he would hate me forever. I just don't know what is right. Ever since I found out he was an athiest I was very concerened as to whether I was making the right decision and prayed every night for God's will. I still don't feel like I know what that is.
     

  4. Hi Katie,

    I can somewhat relate to your situation. I have a best friend who is atheist who is marrying a catholic. Also, I submitted myself to Christ after I was married and my wife still remains a non-believer; both situations are tough at times because the first thing both of them do (like a lot of atheists and non-believers) is attack the Bible, yet they’ve never read it [scratches head].

    If you’re wondering if he’s the one, I would sit him down as god_be_with_you suggested and start going over these talking points http://truelovedates.com/10-things-you-need-to-talk-about-before-you-get-married/

    Your post sounds like your relationship is one sided and your boyfriend seems to be very unhappy with something; could be that he would like to provide for the both of you, but lacks the ambition or doesn’t exactly know how. What stood out to me is that if you ever expressed to him that you wanted to wait until after marriage for sex, why he didn't honor your wish. Without a life devoted to God and the Holy Spirit as his guide, what other concessions will he be willing to make?

    Start with the 10 things you need to talk about before getting married and go from there. It’s going to be tough, but you’ll more than likely know if he’s the one for you upon the conclusion of each talking point.

    May God bring you peace and guidance in your time of struggle. I will keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers.
     
  5. I cannot imagine how sad and difficult it would be to be married to an atheist; not being able to pray together or worship together and not having the foundation of God in your relationship. I think that God will give you a clear answer on this.

    I feel discouraged talking to atheists sometimes too... But we have the Spirit of God which reveals mysteries to is; truths that they cannot see or understand, and that are heard for us to explain sometimes.

    God bless you sister! I have a good friend who us going thru a similar situation...she is in constant conflict. And when she tries to break up with him he manipulates her into coming back. Do not listen when he says it shouldn't matter that you have different beliefs. Of course it matters!! It's not really about "different beliefs" It's about light and dark, truth and lies---

    Good luck sweetie.
     
  6. (y)(y)(y)
     
    AllieWi likes this.
  7. I just spoke with my boyfriend and he acted upset that I had not told him my concerns about his not having a job and that I do not feel as appreciated anymore..he was more upset than anything, but somehow these conversations like this almost make me feel guilty for even thinking anything is wrong and/or thinking about leaving..and they draw me back in. I do love him so much. I have no idea what to do..this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I just wish I had a very clear realization of what I am supposed to do. I am afraid to do something that I will regret.
     
  8. Hi Katie,

    Along with voicing your concerns regarding him finding a job, be sure that you are equally supporting him; if he lacks ambition, ask what you can do to help; if he lacks the skill to find a job, ask how you can help; if he needs to voice frustration about it, ask what you can do to help...getting the picture yet? :)

    If he knows that you are there for him (as hard as it may be), then if he continues along this path, at least you know you have done everything to help him along the way. In order for a relationship to work love HAS to be reciprocated! Continue to pray to God for Him to use His Holy Spirit to give you guidance. You have to be open to such guidance, then you will know. Do not harden your heart as to only take in what you 'want' to hear, rather, let the Holy Spirit soften your heart so you can accept what you 'need' to hear.
     
  9. Hello katie, Seems as though you are in a tough spot and as one of the earlier post had stated Love is a tough thing to deal with, But ultimately who is your Love greater for? If this guy is someone that you desire to be with you have to trust God and sometimes trusting in God causes us to make some tough decisions that at the time my be hurtful and painful but in the end because you choose to trust him and sacrifice for the love you have for him, he blesses you with what you desire, You also have to trust that God nows whats best for you sometimes we get in the way of what God has for us and tend to do things on our own which causes more hurt then good.In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path and he tells us that there is a way that seemth right unto a man, but the way there of leadeth to death. His desire also is that we me equally yoked.I will be praying for you that God give you the courage and the strength to make your decision.Which I believe you know what you have to do. Trust Him he will never leave you nor forsake you.

    Vhop23
     
  10. Hi Katie,

    If you were married I would say stay with the man and seek God's guidance and help. Because you are not married to him however, I would not stay in this relationship because your boyfriend does not have Christ's headship over him to teach him love and to guide him. If it were God's will then he would not have written,

    "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?"(2Corinthian 14-15).

    There is no point in seeking God's will because you already are shown God's will in the bible.

    If you are meant to be with this man, if you separate and he gets saved and comes under the obedience of God, then you can seek God's will if he is the one. If not, then you already know God's opinion.

    What if by staying in this relationship you pass up on the one meant for you? You don't want regrets later.
     

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