Here's my story In my life I never encounter big problem. I live a simple life, working at a simple company, have a simple family, and I don't have to fight hard in life. I have no complains in my life. I remember I feel God is so good to me in 2014 when I know that my wife is pregnant for my second child. I was so happy and I pray to God "Thank you God, couldn't ask You more than this". In 2015 I live my life frugally with decent salary, live in a decent house, thankfully that I still could save little money in the bank for my children's future. But in 2016 here comes bad news. I lose my job. After more than 11 years I worked in this company. They suddenly put me in the position that leave me no choice that I must leave this company. My dark days has come. Everyday afterward is so difficult to me. I prayed to God asking "why is this happening? Do You have a better plan for me? If You do please help me find a better job, with a better salary in a better company". So I applied to more than 100 companies. Some of the called for an interview. One called for second interview. But none of them recruit me. Time is ticking. I'm jobless. My family need money for living. I'm so depressed and started to think that "Is God already forsaken me? Where are You when I need You the most. All I need right now is only a job with a decent salary" I was so stressed out. To think how can I cover my family cost of living I squeeze my head to find a quick solution. Starting my own business is like suicide in this economic condition and also my money in the bank wouldn't enough and also I don't want to risk the money I save for my child. Everyday I pray more than twice until I couldn't remember how many times I already pray. Even when I'm alone I'm murmuring "God please help me" hundreds of time a day. I feel scared, unsecure, anxious, trembling, my palms and feet feels so cold usually the worst attack is in the morning and in the middle of the night. I don't seek a doctor because I know it's only my psychological problem and I don't want to waste my money. I search in the internet and found out that I have a GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I prayed, begged, cried out loud for God's Help but there's no answer. All just a complete silence. So I think I have to find myself another solution. So I started to ask help from my friend. Thank God one of my friend help me. I found one job in a smaller company, with of course smaller salary. Almost half that I received from the previous one. Because by that time I don't even think again about getting "a better company" but any company that can give income no matter how much is it. I have no choice. So right now I live with my wife, 2 beautiful children, and both of my parents. My salary wouldn't enough. So every month I must draw extra money from my bank to cover my family ends meet. It's already a year now. And my money in the bank draining very quick and not much left. Every day in my way to the office I cry and ask to God "God please change my situation. Help me out". But I don't get any answer. Not even a sign that He is watching over me. Even day by day my situation is getting worst. My mom had an accident that injures her back so she must stay in the bed. I cannot afford her to rest in hospital because I know it would take months for her to recovery. Every day in my work is getting tougher. The challenge is overwhelming. And the hardest thing is I have to keep my spirit up. Keep smiling even I'm ruined inside. And of course it's affecting my performance. And I know the company would not extend the contract if I cannot achieve the target. It scare me a lot. If I lose this job I must struggling to find another one. My faith in God decreased day by day. I don't want to go to the Church anymore (At this moment). I just don't feel like it. And I just can't do it. Seems like they can't solve my problem anyway. One day in my darkest and worst breakdown (I think I have mental illness) I defying God. "God, If You don't want to help me. I will consider You didn't exist" - I'm so ashamed to admit it. So I google down "God doesn’t exist" and guess what pop out? Atheist. All I can remember that my vision is blurring, my head heated up, My hand is shaking as I browse through the atheist things. Suddenly I breakdown and Cry. Luckily I sit in a small cubicle in the corner of the office. So no one knows I’m crying - I think. Everday I try to convince my self by saying to my self "Jesus loves me. He did this because He loves me" Repeated many many times a day (Sounds like crazy right?) but I can't fool my self all the time. It will come the day I no longer have strength to convince my self. And the question left is "Will He listening? Does He care? what if He doesn't exist" (I'm terribly sorry if that is consider as blasphemy. I just want to say whats in my head). I know that my faith is so fragile right now and the evil will easily take me away from Him. I need to pump up my faith again. So I start to google "God help me I'm losing my faith". And stumbled into some sites. One of them is MusingAboutGod.com and of course stumbled into this site too. I watched movie "The Miracles from Heaven" and "Collateral Beauty" and watch YouTube channel and found Nick Vujicic. My faith in God healed a little bit. Because my condition doesn't change it's still the same. I tried to apply to other company but everthing seems like a vain. I really wish that I could hear, feel, see just a little sign from Jesus that He's still by my side walking side by side with me. But right now, even I scream so loud, cry so hard,pray on my bended knees still hear nothing. I remember in the movie "Miracles from Heaven" I could relate to what Christy Beam (Jennifer Garner) feel when she said "God do You hear me? Couse I no longer hear from You" At that moment my tears keep falling and I can't stop it. I know my adversity is nothing compare to other people in this site. I read a thread about in Kenya there's a mother had a debt problem and must keep up with 3 kids. And Compare to what had Nick went through? I'm sure he will laughed at me if I told him my story. And even nothing compare to what happened to Job in the bible. I don't know what God is planning for me. I trying to trust Him. But with this GAD it's really hard to put back my faith. If anyone on this site ever in this same situation like me? please share it with me. And teach me how you get through all this.