Help me. I'm losing my Faith...

Discussion in 'Requests for Assistance' started by Theop, May 18, 2017.

  1. Here's my story
    In my life I never encounter big problem. I live a simple life, working at a simple company, have a simple family, and I don't have to fight hard in life. I have no complains in my life.
    I remember I feel God is so good to me in 2014 when I know that my wife is pregnant for my second child. I was so happy and I pray to God "Thank you God, couldn't ask You more than this". In 2015 I live my life frugally with decent salary, live in a decent house, thankfully that I still could save little money in the bank for my children's future.

    But in 2016 here comes bad news. I lose my job. After more than 11 years I worked in this company. They suddenly put me in the position that leave me no choice that I must leave this company. My dark days has come. Everyday afterward is so difficult to me. I prayed to God asking "why is this happening? Do You have a better plan for me? If You do please help me find a better job, with a better salary in a better company". So I applied to more than 100 companies. Some of the called for an interview. One called for second interview. But none of them recruit me. Time is ticking. I'm jobless. My family need money for living. I'm so depressed and started to think that "Is God already forsaken me? Where are You when I need You the most. All I need right now is only a job with a decent salary"
    I was so stressed out. To think how can I cover my family cost of living I squeeze my head to find a quick solution. Starting my own business is like suicide in this economic condition and also my money in the bank wouldn't enough and also I don't want to risk the money I save for my child.
    Everyday I pray more than twice until I couldn't remember how many times I already pray. Even when I'm alone I'm murmuring "God please help me" hundreds of time a day. I feel scared, unsecure, anxious, trembling, my palms and feet feels so cold usually the worst attack is in the morning and in the middle of the night. I don't seek a doctor because I know it's only my psychological problem and I don't want to waste my money. I search in the internet and found out that I have a GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I prayed, begged, cried out loud for God's Help but there's no answer. All just a complete silence.
    So I think I have to find myself another solution. So I started to ask help from my friend.
    Thank God one of my friend help me. I found one job in a smaller company, with of course smaller salary. Almost half that I received from the previous one. Because by that time I don't even think again about getting "a better company" but any company that can give income no matter how much is it. I have no choice.
    So right now I live with my wife, 2 beautiful children, and both of my parents. My salary wouldn't enough. So every month I must draw extra money from my bank to cover my family ends meet.
    It's already a year now. And my money in the bank draining very quick and not much left.
    Every day in my way to the office I cry and ask to God "God please change my situation. Help me out". But I don't get any answer. Not even a sign that He is watching over me. Even day by day my situation is getting worst. My mom had an accident that injures her back so she must stay in the bed. I cannot afford her to rest in hospital because I know it would take months for her to recovery. Every day in my work is getting tougher. The challenge is overwhelming. And the hardest thing is I have to keep my spirit up. Keep smiling even I'm ruined inside.
    And of course it's affecting my performance. And I know the company would not extend the contract if I cannot achieve the target. It scare me a lot. If I lose this job I must struggling to find another one.
    My faith in God decreased day by day. I don't want to go to the Church anymore (At this moment). I just don't feel like it. And I just can't do it. Seems like they can't solve my problem anyway. One day in my darkest and worst breakdown (I think I have mental illness) I defying God. "God, If You don't want to help me. I will consider You didn't exist" - I'm so ashamed to admit it. So I google down "God doesn’t exist" and guess what pop out? Atheist. All I can remember that my vision is blurring, my head heated up, My hand is shaking as I browse through the atheist things. Suddenly I breakdown and Cry. Luckily I sit in a small cubicle in the corner of the office. So no one knows I’m crying - I think.
    Everday I try to convince my self by saying to my self "Jesus loves me. He did this because He loves me" Repeated many many times a day (Sounds like crazy right?) but I can't fool my self all the time. It will come the day I no longer have strength to convince my self. And the question left is "Will He listening? Does He care? what if He doesn't exist" (I'm terribly sorry if that is consider as blasphemy. I just want to say whats in my head).
    I know that my faith is so fragile right now and the evil will easily take me away from Him. I need to pump up my faith again. So I start to google "God help me I'm losing my faith". And stumbled into some sites. One of them is MusingAboutGod.com and of course stumbled into this site too. I watched movie "The Miracles from Heaven" and "Collateral Beauty" and watch YouTube channel and found Nick Vujicic. My faith in God healed a little bit. Because my condition doesn't change it's still the same. I tried to apply to other company but everthing seems like a vain. I really wish that I could hear, feel, see just a little sign from Jesus that He's still by my side walking side by side with me. But right now, even I scream so loud, cry so hard,pray on my bended knees still hear nothing. I remember in the movie "Miracles from Heaven" I could relate to what Christy Beam (Jennifer Garner) feel when she said "God do You hear me? Couse I no longer hear from You" At that moment my tears keep falling and I can't stop it.
    I know my adversity is nothing compare to other people in this site. I read a thread about in Kenya there's a mother had a debt problem and must keep up with 3 kids.
    And Compare to what had Nick went through? I'm sure he will laughed at me if I told him my story. And even nothing compare to what happened to Job in the bible.
    I don't know what God is planning for me. I trying to trust Him. But with this GAD it's really hard to put back my faith.
    If anyone on this site ever in this same situation like me? please share it with me. And teach me how you get through all this.
     
    bobinfaith and Siloam say Amen and like this.
  2. Greetings Brother,
    This is a very short answer for now.
    Faith is used in many ways and in many things.

    Faith is also trusting God.

    The question is not why is this happening to me but.......
    What You Do When you don't know why?

    I will explain that more later.
    It opened my eyes and things began to change but we must act on it.

    Blessings
    FCJ
     
    CoffeeDrinker and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  3. Hi brother theop,

    I can say that I have been there. Digging through dumpsters for enough pop cans (cuz they are worth 10 cents a piece) and living on food stamps to make it through the month. Taking care of a friend with no extra money coming in, trusting in God to provide for everything. Standing on His promises that says "my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. Thanking God for every penny and dime, and tithing on everything that comes in.

    The biggest thing that got us through, is reading God's Word and learning to trust in His promises. Standing and praying in faith, that what God says in His Word, is trustworthy. Knowing that He did not cause this situation to happen to me, but i made this mess myself. For the time when i had money coming in I failed to give God, his share (10%) of the money that He so graciously provided.

    Learning how to rejoice and be thankful for everything He provides and everything I am trusting Him to provide is the key. And realizing that if I'm not walking in love at all times, then my faith was not working right.

    I Can recommend pastor Keith Moore of faith life church on you tube, if your interested in watching a good preacher.

    Will be praying for you brother and thanking God for giving you the godly wisdom that you need, and the close relationship with Him, that will get you through any situation.

    As for hearing God... I recommend for you to meditate upon John 10... And constantly remind yourself that you are His sheep and you can hear His voice inside of you, leading, guiding and directing you.

    This voice will sound like yours because the Holy Spirit speaks to your spirit, and your spirit communicates with your mind. We read God's Word, learning how He speaks, so that when He speaks to us through His Word, and directly to our hearts (inner man) we know Him and hear Him, and then obey Him. For He calls us by name. And as you ask... you must believe He answers (James 1:5-6), so that you can see His glory manifesting in your life (John 14:21).

    Blessings
     
    CoffeeDrinker, Fish Catcher Jim and Theop says Amen and like this.
  4. Always remember that faith is not a feeling, and that if your crying, your not in faith. Faith rejoices, gives thanks and is glad. Doubt is frustrated, complains and is sad.
     
    Annie, CoffeeDrinker and Fish Catcher Jim says Amen and like this.
  5. Thank you for reply Cturtle. I read many of your reply in other thread and it calms me.
    I'll looking forward to search pastor Keith Moore in youtube. I used to hear The voice like you said is from Holy Spirit. The funny thing is sometime we do like communicate to each other like "Really? do think so? oh I see" It grows my faith in Jesus from time to time. But at this moment even I said to my self: "Believe in God Theo, He had plan for you. He did this to you right now is for your own good". It helps me to get through hard time several time. But it's already a year now. And The Voice like I used to believe from Him, I starting to doubt that it's only came from my head. I don't know what will happen next if I have no money left in bank. What my family will eat? How about my child school fee? Will my child have to stop to school for a while?. I try to believe the verse that "He will provide..." but the situation doesn't change.
    Thank you for the prayers. Hope this adversity won't last any longer and all the answer is revealed.
     
    Truthfrees and Via dolarossa say Amen and like this.
  6. I know it can be difficult to trust. I've been in the same situation for 8 1/2 years. And my faith has been able to grow because God has make Himself known in different ways along the way. Yes it's a struggle sometimes, but as we continue to speak the Word over our situations and tell God how much we trust Him, no matter what we see in the natural, He is pleased. For faith pleases God more than if we get it right all the time.

    The devil is the one that has got you in this situation, but God can strengthen you and cause you to grow through it all. Because greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world (john 4:4).

    Stand on mark 11:22-25. Believe you receive your children's tuition paid, right now as you ask for His provision, then thank Him constantly for it no matter what you see. Believe you receive all your bills paid, and food on the table and a roof over your head and clothes on your back. For in Matthew 6:33 Jesus says that God knows all of the things we need before we ask, so as we seek Him first in everything, He has promised that everything we need will be added unto us. And in 2 Peter 1:3... The Holy Spirit said through peter that everything we need has already been given to us. We just need to k ow how to get it.

    By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3.

    Surround yourself with verses that encourage your faith, and remind you of God's faithfulness, and goodness. These will help you to trust.
     
    Via dolarossa and Fish Catcher Jim say Amen and like this.
  7. I am sorry, theop, for what you are dealing with right now. I know without a doubt God is with you even if you cannot feel Him. He is there. My heart hurts for you. I will join you in prayer. That is my commitment to you.

    Stay focused on God and His Word and surround yourself with people who believe in Christ and Trust in him. Stay away from people who are negative and drag you down. You need to be lifted and you need to rejoice for God is not finished. Your world is not falling apart, it's falling into place. Trust in God as he is the one who created you and knows you better than you know yourself. He wrote your story in life before you were created.

    I recently went to the Casting Crowns and Danny Gokey concert. Casting Crowns wrote this song and one line says YOUR WORLD IS NOT FALLING APART, IT'S FALLING INTO PLACE. and then Danny Gokey said GOD WROTE YOUR STORY BEFORE YOU WERE EVERY BORN. HE KNOWS YOUR PAIN. TRUST IN HIM.

    Those words stuck with me tight. Trust in the One who wrote your story and knows you better than you know yourself. Turn your pain over to God and rejoice for He loves you and you are not alone.

    Take care, Friend.
     
    Annie, Fish Catcher Jim, Theop and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  8. Thank you so much. Your empathy means a lot to me. I'm really glad that someone out there in this world would really pray for me. Someone who even just know me. Thank you thank you. I really do hope that He had a better plan for me. That this is only a trial for my faith and become a better person after this storm.
     
  9. Been praying for you as well. How are you doing today?
     
    CoffeeDrinker likes this.
  10. I just wanted you to know I'm praying for you Theop.
     
    CoffeeDrinker, Fish Catcher Jim and Cturtle says Amen and like this.
  11. It's really broke my heart that my parents have to working hard to support my family. They should be enjoy their life at their age right now. I should provide a comfort life for them. I feel useless as a son, a husband and a father. I really wish I could find a better paying job, a steady job and don't mind if I have to work hard. Just to know that if Jesus is walking on my side I will walking with pride no matter how hard the storm is. I never asked for a luxury thing or live in luxury life. I used to thank to God for everything I received.

    To think about a luxury life. I know a person who doesn't fear God. (I think he didn't ever go to church). Like to be drunk, cheating on his wife, cheating on the company he's working on, addicted to pornography, use drugs BUT he had a luxury house and car, have a caring wife and wonderful children, go on vacation around the world more than once a year, and he even got promoted this year. I'm not envy or jealous to him. Before this I don't even care about him.

    But right know it's really make me think. Am I a sinner God? If I do please please I beg for Your forgiveness please bring back my life like I used to. Bring back to the situation I'm always grateful for every little good things that happened to me. I remember last time I really feel Your love when you gave me a second child. I was so happy and even said "Couldn't ask You more than this God". Have You deserted me? If You don't please give me a sign or anything that You are still by my side.
     
  12. Thank you so much.
     
    inquiring mind likes this.
  13. Thank you for your prayers. I really feel that this site put so care with me. Today I'm still fine. Not the worst day I ever had recently. Still struggling.
     
    Fish Catcher Jim and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  14. Theop.... how do you know God is not walking right by your side? Is the only way you know that He is there is when He blesses you?

    Please consider for a moment that none of this is your fault or God's fault. But an attack from the enemy to get you to quit believing in God and come back to worship buddah. To trap you into a life void of God's presence.

    The devil hates us. And desires to hurt God as well. He does this by putting us into situations that cause us to be like Job and judge God as uncaring or not there.

    God trusts us to stand up for Him, and say God... I may not understand why, but I trust You no matter what. That will keep us from falling into God's judgement like Job received at the end (basically getting scolded). God did not tell job why he went through all he had, but said where were you, when.... so in all honesty we have no right to be upset just because we don't understand the why.
     
    Fish Catcher Jim likes this.
  15. Glad to hear that it's been an ok day! God loves you and has sent many friends here to help you feel supported.
     
    Fish Catcher Jim likes this.
  16. As inwas praying last night, the Lord showed me that it's time for you to get in an attitude of thanksgiving once again. Thank Him for the fact that at this time, your parents are there for you, and that you have a job. It amy not be the best situation, but it could be worse.

    Here is what the apostle Paul says....
    Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want. I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].
    Philippians 4:11‭-‬13 AMPC
    http://bible.com/8/php.4.11-13.AMPC

    God bless you and your family
     
    Fish Catcher Jim likes this.
  17. Well, every person's experience is unique to them, but you may be able to identify with this.

    I was a software developer with a successful career in the Washington Dc area.

    After 21 years working for the same company, The economy was in a slide (remember 2009?) I had just bought a home two years before at the top of the market (remember the housing crash?) So my home was under water as they say almost from the start.

    Anyway, I started applying to both professional jobs and grocery clerk jobs.

    No luck.

    At least until 2011. In December I got a call from my old company about a job similar to the old one. The problem was that I had just been diagnosed with bladder cancer, and was looking at Chemo followed by surgery followed by recovery, if I were fortunate. Of course the job could mot wait.

    I never did get a job. I finally realized that I am now retired.

    As to how I coped: A few months after I left my job and realized that it might be a while, I started volunteering. I wheeled patients being discharged from the hospital to their cars, I sorted food at the food bank, I did a lot of one time tasks to help persons I came into contact with.

    I have found that if I concentrate on helping others in need, my troubles don't seem so large.

    I still am active in several efforts, including the local ostomy support group that gives those like me that have had ostomies for whatever reason a sense of cimmunity. We run a supply sharing program and sponsor young ostomates to go to a special summer camp designed for them (Youth Rally)

    Remember the lesson from the book of Job that we may never know why God asks us to bear whatever He sends, but He doesn't do it to punish us. To reference another Biblical truth, He is the potter, we are the clay.

    ---
    I hope this comes out all right. I am away from my home for a few days and am using a phone rather than my computer.
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  18. Yeah. I think this is the opportunity to grow up my faith in Him. Not just an ordinary believer like I used to. I believe it is His plan for me to stumbled into this site and got support from from you guys. Thank you again. (I cannot stop say 'thank you' for all of your caring)
     
    Via dolarossa and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  19. Thank you brother for sharing.
    Your story is truly amazing. I can't imagine if I got a strength like you to through that adversity. And how do live right now? Like where did you get money? Do you have a family? (You might ignore this question if this too personal)
     
  20. #20 godbe4me, May 19, 2017
    Last edited: May 19, 2017
    Hello Theop,
    I only want to say that the devil is attacking you. He is making you concentrate on material and worldly things. Don't give them your space in your thoughts. Things you don't have and keep you blind to the things God has blessed you with. You have a wife, children and parents that are still alive and a job. Thank God for that. I did not quite get why you stop thanking God. Continue to thank God for every day and what that day brings. Thank Him for your wife, thank Him for you children, thank Him for your job whether you like it or not. God gives more when you thank Him for what you already have. Thank Him for waking you up. Don't look at what your co-worker has and what he is doing with his life. You set your eyes on God and know that what God has stored for You will happen. The things of this earth are temporary and don't lasts. But reach for something higher. Reach for the treasures that do not rust, decay and no one will steal. The things of this world are the little trinkets that the devil uses to deceive you. Until God is ready to bless you with what He has stored for you just thank Him every day because it is coming. And while he has you waiting, don't question Him but ask Him, Lord, what are you showing me, what lesson are you teaching me, what are you saying to me." Those are the questions God will answer. But to ask why you and why God is doing this to you. None of us escape tribulations in our lives and as children of God we are to expect it. But know that while we go through tough times in our lives, we are not alone. We are never alone. And always know that when you don't feel him near you, he is closer than you know and is carrying you. I will pray that you will start back thanking him daily and that God renew your heart. Remember, what God has stored for you will come to pass because when God speaks His words into action, it does what it sets out to do and do not come back to him void. So, while you are waiting, talk to God because he loves to hear from His children. God has promised to never leave us or forsake us. If God has changed your circumstances from what they use to be, He is taking you to a new level of faith in Him.
     
    bobinfaith, Fish Catcher Jim and Cturtle says Amen and like this.

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