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Hello Thanks For Allowing Me I Need Advice On In Laws

Discussion in 'New Members Welcome' started by BelievinginHim, Jan 3, 2014.

  1. First thank you all for any advice or input that you are willing to share. I am struggling, hurting, confused and just so tired. I have been praying and praying and praying, and I know that He answers in His time and His way but I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing. Here's whats going on (It's long and I'm sorry but I want you to be able to understand) My husband and I have been married for 22 years, he has always worked in the families construction business. My relationship with my in laws has never been ideal, I'm not good enough for my husband and I believe that I'm more intelligent or better than my in laws. For the first few years we were able to get along and be loving to each other, now we can't even talk. My husband is the oldest son, there's 2 younger ones all with different family business. I won't go into major details unless somebody wants to know but typical family business stuff over worked underpaid and under appreciated. My husband had thought he built his portion of the business into a very profitable construction business, the other brothers have held their own and thought they also were profitable. I say thought because while they did all of the work, they were paid minimally and never given the profit loss knowledge or where each business stood on its own. Well when the ag business that we mainly deal with took a hard hit in 2009 things just started to not add up. Apparently things weren't always going as well as they were lead to believe. Let me say that none of the brothers has ever been allowed to see the books, when the brothers started asking questions because bills weren't being paid that they were given handwritten paperwork. All of this not know has caused HUGE problems between the younger 2 brothers. Numerous times we have been given dates as to when the businesses will split. I say split because all along monies from each business has been used to pay the others bills. So although they are 3 separate businesses they were all sharing the pot so if one or 2 businesses wasn't making it the other carried them. But it has been 3 years plus and nothing has been done. My in laws tell each brother what they want to hear:they're making it. Finally after a whole lotta junk in 13 my 1 brother in law lost it and got in a HUGE fight with my father in law,again. This has all put so much stress on our families, we all go to the same church, the father in law is an elder, and we all have taught/teach Sunday School and youth groups. The business used to pay for our kids Christain Education, however 3 weeks before school was to start my father in law came to my husband and said that the business could only pay for 1 of our kids to go. In return for the brothers pay being minimal our children's eduction and medical are supposed to be paid through the business. I'm the only one with older children and we had already brought my daughter home from college at the beginning of the year to make things less difficult on the business. It broke mine and my husbands hearts. My one brother in law thought on his feet and told my father in law that he can't make decisions regarding his children and that it wasn't fair that he just threw this at them with no time to prepare. And that he, the dad, is going to continue to pay for his kids to go and when he, the son, takes over the business in January like he was promised that he would pay his parents back and pay for his kids to go to the Christian school with the business money. Like I said this is all a mess..us wives depend and talk to each other who else understands what we're going through other than the ones going through the same thing. My mother in law can't stand it and has told us to stop talking to each other because WE are the reason for all of the family problems. I know she's mad and hurt, but they have done it to themselves because they have to control EVERYTHING! We're grown adults my husband and I have grown children and my in laws aren't that old, but still need to control the family. We have prayed and prayed and prayed my husband has tried talking to his parents, I've tried dropping my father in law a text asking him to try and see things from others points of view, to be slow to speak and slow to anger that we all love them. He gave it to my mother in law who emailed me and told me a whole lot of stuff but basically blames another daughter in law and myself for all of their family problems. I'm just so tired. My husband would leave the business, but his parents would lose everything that they have the big house, the motor home, the get away house, the old cars and the family would be so mad. I don't know what to do, sit here take the crap and pray it just gets better, or stand up for myself. Honestly there's more than enough blame to go around, they just need to realize they can't control everything. Please help I/we can't be the only ones going through all of this.
  2. It sounds as though your in a very difficult situation, the good news is, no situation is too difficult for god. If you do not know the story of Joseph in genesis, then I would give that a read. In short he was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. He while enslaved was his best everyday until god opened a door for him and he was made 2nd highest ranking person in Egypt. Despite being betrayed by his family in the end his good work and god's grace saves his whole family. (Joseph was the great grandson of Abraham btw)

    For new testament reference I would suggest Matthew 5:43-48, love your enemies.
  3. Thanks for responding. :) I am very familiar with the story of Joseph, it was a favorite to teach to my preK Sunday school. But what makes everything so sad it that if there was communication between the parents and their sons that it could all be avoided. It's the letting go of the control that the parents aren't willing to do and escalating the problems. She, my mother in law, told me that God has a plan, He knows what's wrong with the business, and He put us in this place because we aren't faithful. I refused to respond, she believes the problems are caused by the daughter in laws and if insulting us and our faithfulness to The Lord makes her feel better that works for her. It however breaks my heart to know that she's willing to lose everything, her family everything that my husband has worked so hard for to stand her ground and retain control.
    *****Please Keep the Verses Coming, a broken heart needs to be filled with the love only the Father can provide. *****
  4. It also sounds to me that your mother in law has a strong case of pride. However even if your family does lose everything you may come out like Job did, with twice as much.

    While not my favorite verse, Matthew 10:35 seems to be your situation. That being said I would say that you are in the palm of Jesus's hand.
  5. Hello and welcome.

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