I don't want to start off like this but I'm honestly so depressed I don't want to do something to hurt myself. No I'm not suicidal.. but I'm severely depressed and it's scaring me the feelings I've been having. I can't eat and I can't sleep and I swear I know my wife is possessed and I have no more fight left in me. I will start out by saying I am 30 years old. I was raised a Christian and I met my wife 6 years ago. 6 years through thick and thin and she got me back into my walk with God. She was all about God and that was what I fell in love with. We both have had a rough 6 years because of insecurities because bofore me she would be intoxicated and blacked out and having sex with a lot of men without even knowing their names and I don't even want to say anymore so I'll leave it at that. And I of course have to be cursed as the nice guy. I went from relationship to relationship and did nothing more than just try to love the women I was with even though they were broken but the day that I met my wife I thought she was the one. And maybe God put her in my life to warn me because she's been separated from me for a year now and when she moved out her excuse was, "This is too hard for me because we fight a lot and we live with your parents and I want my own place and my own car" and my parents did so much for her by the way. They were not in the way because they were always working so I don't know why she can't be honest. I even warned her that if she didn't want this relationship to let me know because this is her first serious relationship. But at 31 with her past.. you would think that women would actually care about good guys. Like honestly do I need to go against God and just become a womanizer? Is that what life is really about? Because all my life I thought women wanted a classy guy who cares about the woman and who is open and honest. Well I've been their prince charming and I've got completely torn to shreds that I'm surprised I'm not empty like them. I still cry and beg God to tell me why these women are so darn evil! I apologize if I sound mean right now.. I've cried for a really long time and I've even read scripture to her and been the spiritual leader and told her to come back to our church and talk to our pastor for marriage counseling and she's not going to her girlfriends church which by the way she goes back and forth about everything. She was exactly on the same page with me about marriage being important and more than just a piece of paper.. NOPE.. NOW SHE THINKS JUST THAT! She loved doing everything together and well.. yeah you guessed it she confesses that she hated us doing everything together. Oh and yeah when she moved out she of course went out with her girlfriend to the bar and cheated on me. She wouldn't tell me the guys name because she couldn't remember his name or face. If I'm being honest.. as pathetic as she is.. why am I still in love? Why would I ever give her a second chance? I mean I feel like I never listened to God because I need your opinions her... the day she moved out I should of divorced her right? And if not then definitely when she cheated on me? I have done nothing more.. and every couple fights. And I know she can't be over me because of my looks because she's not shallow and neither am I. We are both very insecure but if we are going based off looks does she really think she's going to leave me because I'm not good looking? (( sorry I'm not conceited but I'm trying to believe in God telling me I am a handsome man )) and maybe I'm just a good looking man who's just too nice and that never works out. Do women like men who are too honest and too caring and protective or do they like the bad boy? Because when she first met me I was a "rebel" fighting, drugs.. and 6 years later I don't fight.. I don't hang out with my biker buddies or do anymore drugs. I guess she tamed me so bad that I stopped being fun. It's not like she was ever fun though. I'm just confused. By the way I hope this isn't going to get my account deleted right away.. if I have said to much please allow me to apologize. I just don't have anybody.. like at all! No friends to go to or anyone. I deleted facebook for her.. changed my phone number..got rid of all my friends for her. I really am a fool. Stupid me huh? And when I asked why after a year now she wants the divorce she says because she feels guilty about cheating on me and being a bad wife and whatever but I even told her if it was that she couldn't tell me the fact that she just needed freedom and I proved her that I was right that she thinks I'm too overprotective because she misses going out with her girlfriends. She can try and fool me again like she did making it seem like she loved me but I just think she misses going out, so is God really allowing her to do this without a care in the world and it's fine with him? She can do whatever she wants and smile when I cry and be numb to everything just like that? She changed.. as if the devil is coursing through her veins. I'm honestly scared/depressed/tired of being alone and I wouldn't want to sleep with her anymore and I think you guys could all agree I need that divorce to set me free from that wicked women.. any advice cuz I'm honestly.. I've never been more crushed for someone tricking me into her thinking she was a Christian.. a real Christ follower wouldn't do these things. Here I thought she was a real woman!