Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by gordon, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. #1 gordon, Jan 29, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2014
    At age 13 I developed a crush on this girl, first one ever, and I persued her. we both played in the same homeschool CHRISTIAN sports program so we saw eachother all the time. Both our families are good very strong Christian families. she was good friends with my sister to. we did EVERYTHING together, we had the same interests, we got along great in social environments, it was a match made in heaven. We were both sports jocks, I played football basketball baseball and she played basketball. She never had a bf either, and she made it quite obvious she never would have one haha she was suuuper hard to get, she wasn't interested in boys. well I kept on it anyway, I flirted and did everything I could to get her to like me for TWO YEARS... finally at age 15 she agreed to be my girlfriend. We got along great, played sports together, went hunting fishing, (we were really outdoorsies) and it was a dream. she even lives down the street from me. We never fought, and after two years we were already convinced we were gonna get married eventually and nothing could change that. We shared our first holding of hands, first kiss etc, we never had sex though we wanted to save it for marriage like the bible says. first 4 years of our relationship were awesome, we were both so committed, we would brag to eachother all the time about how strong we were and that we would never leave, it was gonna be a fairytale. Our saying was, "Always and forever". I knew in my heart in mind she was the one and I never gave it second thought, we grew up together and it was always her simple as that. well, last year we both went to college, stress set in and we began arguing about things. I got complacent in our relationship and I became selfish, lazy and controlling. we had little spats, nothing serious, nothing that made me think we were having problems that would tear us apart. She never impressed upon me that she was becoming very unhappy with me. until last week of 2013 was the first time she told me, "I am having doubts and I have been having them all year" I was shocked at this and it scared me. I instantly made adjustments in myself, I started getting in shape again, I started buying her flowers and I took her to a play. even then she still seemed excited about us getting married. However I still hadn't let go of being clingy, possive and controlling. well a week later she canceled our date to hang out with a new girlfriend of hers. needless to say I became VERY jealous and when she got back we had our first two, what I would say, BAD arguments. We both said some very regrettable things that I wont mention. well the next day she comes to me saying, "Im sorry for this, this is my mistake but I need to move on. I love you but we have nothing in common and your not the strong spiritual leader I need". Well I was crushed, I cried so long in front of her and she never showed an ounce of emotion, although I could tell she was holding back. She is a very strong willed person, I still thinks she loves me but I think she got scared that I would never get out of my slump and that I wouldn't make her happy ever again. So she left and hasn't talked to me in 3 weeks. all I have done is send her a simple letter of apology... I full well intend to wait for her, she is the love of my life and I will gladly wait with love for her for years to come. I hope she comes around. I simply don't understand, a 7 year friendship, 5 year relationship 4 of which were a DREAM...on a scale of 1, being perfect, and 10, being an abuser. I feel like what I did was a 3-4... I was just lazy and I got a little controlling. I always let her voice her opinion, I NEVER even raised my voice at her once or hit her, never cheated I am sooo faithful... I was just clingy and possessive and she said she felt TRAPPED... I mean I am nice and cordial, I am very successful in school (studying physics) ...how does this merit leaving so abruptly and blindsiding me like this when 4 days earlier we were talking about marriage??? She is not the type to be looking at other guys at all, I honestly think she is a fearful person, she doesn't open up about her feelings to her parents even, and she feels I will never make her happy like I once did. I don't understand and Im depressed. She was everything to me and I thought I was everything to her, we were perfect together and we did have LITERALLY EVERYTHING in common, but I got lazy and made some mistakes like all young 20 year old immature guys do sometimes. Now I may never speak to her again. Her name is Elise

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  2. First impression: there's something she doesn't want to tell you about. Could be stress, pray.
  3. Yeah she told me I stress her out more than anything else. She is very fearful and hyperactive, I think my possessiveness just freaked her out. She also has a new friend that she is infatuated with, she just ran to her friend because she was making her happy and I was just stressing her with my immaturity.

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