Hi everyone, It's been close to a year since I had the worst break up of my life. At times I feel like I'm doing well and sometimes I just break down. Let me tell you my story and please keep me in your prayers. I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I met my ex around 22/23 years old. She was 20. We dated for close to 3 years. Last year around this time was when she broke up with me. This past year has been without doubt the hardest emotionally and spiritually I have ever experienced. We met in college, I had been praying for a Godly girlfriend for years and wasn't really looking for one. When I first met her she had a boyfriend. I didn't talk to her much at all. Then we had another class together and she came up to me and we started talking. I learned she was new to the area and I invited her to my church. Well we started talking a lot and went on some exercise runs. Her and her boyfriend broke up (they lived states apart and had been having trouble) and of course she turned to me. I was already head over heels for her though. We started officially dating a month or two after they broke up ( a 3 year relationship) I was new to serious relationships and didn't realize how fast everything happened. He tried to get her back and she wouldn't. There were a few times earlier on though when she did contemplate it and we almost broke up so she could be single..However, either I or herself talked her out of it anytime it happened. I found out as well she wasn't a christian but was very open to learning about it and coming to church. I felt God had led me to her possibly as an answer to my prayer and to lead her to Christ. Things started off great or so I felt. We were in love. We did everything together. Her parents weren't christian and I was allowed to stay over at there house anytime, which I did a lot (ill get to this later) We were best friends and more. She started talking about marriage, how much she loved me and wanted to be with me and I bought it all hook line and sinker. We had more classes together and I became really close to her and her family, her dad was more of a father to me than my own. I even helped him often with his local business. I dreamed of ways to propose to her and in my mind was convinced we were always going to be together. She always fueledd this as well. Always sending me texts, leaving notes and talking about how great I was and how much she loved me and how lucky she was to have me etc etc etc. I'm not making excuses but this was my mind set. We started to let sin into our relationship, I was weak and she was used to it from her ex.(she was not a virgin and I was at the time) Several months went by and I led her to Christ. Months later I was able to baptize her at a local church, she wanted me to instead of the guy doing it. We both drew a lot closer to God and stopped sinning like we were.I know i had made a lot of mistakes. Things seemed to be going great. Marriage and love seemed all around us. I loved being with her and she me. A year went by and we were both still in school. At the time we were both going for Nursing, I was working in a hospital and realized I just didn't have what it took to be a Nurse. This caused me to go into a slump. I didn't really know what to do with my life. I was working and taking classes but that was about it. Several months went by like this and she was still going the nursing route, taking the prereqs and what not. I was taking a lot of general classes and I did get my General Associate degree that would transfer. I was still struggling to figure out what I wanted. One day we were at my house, her mom calls her and tells her to come to their family owned business and help her close it up. I thought nothing of it and told her I would see her soon. Little did I know that event led to a chain of events that would utterly lead to the end of it all. She called me 20 minutes later, "Brad, your going to be mad" I was in shock and confused. "My ex boyfriend and his bestfriend are here" "They drove down from NH" So many emotions filled me. We had been together over 2 years at this point, they had talked on and off at the start but had gone NC for around a year or so I thought. I asked what was going on and she told me her mother was making her go to dinner with him and his friend and I was invited ( her mom said she had to be mature and do this) I was furious. This guy was recently single and showing up un-invited (to my knowledge, who knows?) and now was going to dinner with his ex? I told her I wasn't going and couldn't. It seemed so disrespectful to me. I was so angry. Her mom called me and reassured me for around 20 mins that it was just a casual dinner and I had nothing to worry about they knew our relationship was strong etc etc. I didn't worry much at first, I did trust her fully. A few hours went by and I hadn't heard from her, then several more. It was around 12am when I finally met her at her parents house. Her and the ex and friend had been catching up since around 5pm. What was supposed to be dinner, turned into dinner, going back to her parents business and talking then her showing them where there hotel was (guess they can find there way to TN from NH but not the hotel) there she talked outside the hotel for awhile. I was furious when I found out she was at the hotel but she told me to meet her at her house (instead of going to the hotel I met her there). We had a huge talk and it went back and forth from me upset to her reassuring me and saying she was upset too and didn't like it. He went away the next day and I thought it was all over. 2-3 weeks later two days before her family and her and I were supposed to go on vacation. She calls me and says its over. I remember just crying on the ground when I knew. I truly loved her more than she will ever know. She said she needed time to be single and didn't have time for me because of Nursing school (it woudn't be fair to she said). I begged and pleaded (weak i know) and tried to talk her out of it. She went on to the beach and we talked some while she was there. I then learned she was talking to her ex. Quite a lot. She then told me she still had feelings for him and didn't know if she ever really loved me or it was just she was in love with the idea of marriage. I was destroyed inside. I learned her best friend who I had introduced her to and told her she should be with him because she had seen her eyes light up when he called her (apparently they had talked and I didn't know about it) I was devastated in learning all this. Hurt and confused I didn't know what to do. I went over to her house to get my stuff. We had a huge talk, both cried. I got my last kiss from her. She then told me she loved me very similar to the way she loved him. My heart couldn't take it. She kept talking to him and he was telling her all kinds of things, they were working out if they could get back together and i was kept on the back burner. This was all within 2 months of being broke up. She learned I was talking to another girl(this girl I met at church and we had gone through similar experiences with breakups and she was giving me advice on what to do.) My ex learned we were talking and told me that if I gave her 6 months she would let me know if we would be back together and she said we most likely would. (how do you need 6 months to figure out if you want to be with someone you have dated for close to 3 years?) Meanwhile she would keep talking to her ex and we would only hang out as friends (as if I could do that).. I was tired of being a second choice and as much as it killed me. I started dating the other girl. In my mind I was giving my ex a chance with him(she seemed to so want, her true love) and to see what she did and i was casually dating this other girl. Well my ex gf got furious and stopped talking to me. The new girl and I started dating. When my ex learned of this. She dropped out of nursing school and moved back up to NH to be with her ex. I was still crushed inside and was in no place to be in a relationship. I'll just say the new girl and I didn't last but 5 months. I got extremely sick with Mono. That didn't help either. I missed my ex terribly. The new girl, while awesome, just wasn't her. My ex blocked me off facebook, changed her number and had all her friends delete me. Her boyfriend and her now have moved back to my town and they both work for her father, he took the job I was training to have. He basically took my life. I still love her to this day..the last thing she said to me was to never talk to her again. I truly truly believed God had led me to her for her to be my wife. I never believed something was from God so much in my life. Now I sit here alone, while there off with there happy lives. By the way he isn't a christian. She has fallen right back to where she was before I met her. They live together in their own apartment( while I slept over at her house some we never went that far) and I'm sure they will be engaged soon. Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated it. I can't let her go and it's killing me. I pray daily for God to help me and send me someone else when the time is right. Thanks for reading and God bless, to anyone reading this..please don't make the same mistakes I have. Nothing but pain comes from them. (Part one me wonders what would have happened if I gave her the 6 months, I just couldn't do it. It hurt so bad knowing she was talking to him while I loved her so much.) I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship so early, like I said I was confused, scared and so upset. It all happened so fast.. Be careful and always pray about everything.