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Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Jahida, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. Currently trying to understand how and why a person I know, that say they are a Christian, would complain about a lot of things. The negative attitude has made it difficult to be around this person and I find myself tuning a lot out. When asking "why are you so negative" this person replies "I don't mean to be" then I have said "have you prayed about this" they say they have. I know things work out in God's time but this person has been this way for more than 25 years. As Christians I believe we should have joy....why wouldn't we! We have a Savior who not only has been through everything (He can relate to us) but has conquered! Grumbling just reminds me of the Israelite.

    I don't have the right to judge...and point fingers...I'm just at a loss in how to deal with this in a Godly manner. Have been praying.
  2. My thoughts on grumbling is that it separates us from God, we must approach God with thanksgiving in our hearts and praise on our lips............ grumbling is anything but......... Just my thoughts.
  3. #3 LysanderShapiro, Feb 10, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2015
    There are a lot of factors to weigh in...
    Why a Christian grumbles (meaning complains I suppose) is ultimately because we aren't perfect creatures. Complaining, for some of us, is something we don't mean to do but we do without even realizing it. There are many reasons to be upset, and it's common to state them. How we express it can draw a fine line between stating problems and grumbling. I don't grumble constantly, but I do grumble -- perhaps weekly anyway. Just Sunday morning, a colleague of mine was attacked and stabbed in her own house (pray for her recovery). My being upset didn't stop at what happened -- I grumbled about people not being careful in bad neighborhoods or being too trusting (not that she wasn't, but just people in general when it does happen). We shouldn't go into that territory in whining and complaining, but sometimes we do and, speaking for myself, I won't even realize it right off that bat.

    If this is someone who is struggling with something pretty heavy or even common struggles, it's normal that someone would come off joyful. We've talked about the sort of differences between being joyful and being happy. Joy isn't something always seen. Christ, when he suffered on the cross, had tremendous joy for what He was accomplishing for mankind's salvation, but it's unlikely that he was smiling during that event. Mary, who loved her son and new exactly what He was doing and why, was in serious grieving mode (more so than any of us could even imagine), but knew the joy of the sacrifice.

    Christians in the Middle East are being slaughtered for their faith -- they are witnessing their families being beheaded and crucified. It is unlikely you will see or hear joy coming from them -- though we may understand what joy is.

    We are deal with different problems in our life. Some are extremely heavy, some are moderate, and some are fairly light. We each need Christ just as much as the other and can experience His joy equally. Though how it is expressed may not appear the same, especially if it is in the midst of suffering.

    I've been re-reading a lot of C.S. Lewis lately since I admire his work so much, and one quote of his always sticks out to me:

    “I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”

    Grumbling, though, is something we should try to avoid as it deflects us from God. While we should not do it at all, we shouldn't be entirely surprised if someone does as it is human nature, which doesn't make it OK, but it does mean that it is going to be expected.

    Sometimes having a dry, stern personality is misinterpreted as grumbling. That's another thing to consider. But we all have to be very careful and pray for help that we don't complain because it can easily slip into blasphemy.
  4. That is my thought as well. Complaining and not lifting others is not an example of a Christian especially when it's constant :(
  5. We all struggle against the flesh brother. God is using this person's weaknesses for his divine purpose, just have faith and ask Him to give them the victory.
    Jahida likes this.
  6. Thank you for your reply and I will be keeping your colleague in my prayers

    I know we tend to give into our nature sometimes and repentance is in order....I don't see this individual seeking repentance let alone recognition that this goes against God. Why? Because it's still constant....no sense of remorse when they slip...then they wonder why it is difficult to have friendship with others....this, to me, is effecting their ministry.
  7. This is true...thank you for the reminder
    Cosmicwaffle likes this.
  8. Yep, I understand.
    I don't know your friend and his behavior, so I can't say what it is or isn't -- I have to take your word for it that this is just pointless grumbling. Your right that staying in this mindset is a real hindrance.

    Sometimes it can be misinterpreted of course. I know an old man from Sheffield, England who works at the National Basilica here in DC. He's a Dominican friar (Dominicans tend to be very outwardly joyful people), but he appears usually very grumpy and brooding. When you get to speak with him, while he is definitely a very opinionated, no-holds-barred sort of guy, you realize that his exterior comes off very tough and even grouchy, but he is extremely Godly and joyful in his words and actions, even if it doesn't look that way at first. He is extremely humble and serious about his service to others through God's grace.
  9. I understand what you mean and yes an appearance can be misunderstood but words and actions speak loud and clear. This individual struggles with relationships with others and I can understand why....I just don't want to be another one of those people that have been in their life and walk away. It has been said to me...." YOU pointing out in me what others have already said is not helping me" so what do I do...I pray for my friend and I pray for patience for myself....this can get very frustrating sometimes.
  10. Yep, you're right. It can be difficult. And praying for your friend and for guidance for yourself is the best place to start.

    While you know that your friend needs to make the effort, one of the best things you can do is love your friend unconditionally...be an incredible friend to this person regardless of how they act -- whether they deserve it or not.
  11. I know from experience of myself, they don't like themselves therefore they judge everything negatively. It's only a matter of choice: either focus on themselves and their issues, blaming everything/everyone else for their problems, or focus on Jesus, loving the Father and their neighbor as themselves thereby fulfilling the law through Jesus' work. They're not following God's advice: cast out imaginations that are contrary to the word of God, 2 Cor 10:5-6, replacing those bad thoughts with good thoughts, Phil 4:8, and because they think negatively they are negative, Pro 23:7. The icing on the cake is they condemn themselves therefore they condemn others because they're negative, Pro 17:15; Isa 45:23-25. This war is spelled out in Romans 7 - the good I want to do I don't; the bad I don't want to do I do - thank God for the last verse:

    Romans 7:25 (KJV)
    I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

    Literally, it's all in their heads!

    That's it. I know, this is what I had to learn.
  13. Naw, just repentance (Greek for "change your mind") :D
    Jahida likes this.
  14. This is simply a sign of the "un-renewed" mind. We can never operate or act beyond what we know, and believe about the Word of God. Our actions are based on these. Wrong thinking = wrong believing = wrong actions. Maybe no body has ever taught this to your friend. As these scriptures tell us....

    Eph 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

    Php 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
    Php 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
    Php 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

    You can not speak contrary to these things of God if you do these things, for the Lord will keep us in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on him.
    You just let the light, water, and joy spread over into her life when you are around her/him, and get ready to answer their question as to how you do it.
  15. Hello Jahida,
    I know exactly where you are coming from for several reasons. One, well many years ago that was me. My mind never shut up and I could have noise going all day long.But God did set me free.

    Now on the other hand, I have some one very close to me that was like this all the time. Always correcting people and yet doing the same. Very negitve attitude towards things and I beleive they really did not understand how much they did it.

    Any way alot of times it comes from upbringing or just how life has treated them and some times people tend to just slip into this as they age....However there is an answer...
    Intercessory prayer. Pray for them but dont get caught up in a God you got to change them type of prayer. Pray the word over them and lift them up and forgive them and love them.

    Bind the strongman around them. Go to battle spiritualy if needed in prayer. Normaly just releasing the power of Love and Forgivness over them and lifting them up will bring much change for them. Look at it this way, it may be just as uncomfortable for them being negitive as it is for others. Meaning pray for that peace that only God can give you over thier life.

    The important thing is, Prayer changes much and if done in love and forgivness then you will see success much easier. I hope this makes some sese for you.
    Have a very peaceful week
  16. Hello Jim,
    Thank you for supplying a perspective from both sides...this helps with understanding.

    There is much truth in what you said about praying.....there is Power in prayer! I just need to remember that it is in God's time not mine and kick frustration and my impatience out the door!
  17. Thank you.... Eph 4:29 is one that has defiantly stood out to me the most
  18. Excellent passages.
    I couldn't have selected better ones myself. ;)

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