Going out with an unbeliver

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by Johana, Mar 26, 2009.

  1. Going out with an unbeliver

    Hello all,
    I've always thought that it is clear among our youth at church that going out with an unbeliver is wrong. But about 3 weeks ago one girl (aged 17) found a boy somewhere at the disco :sad01_anim: and took him to church. Then they started going out with each other. Not many people know that. The girl is also a part of our youth worship group and I find it absolutely terrible. I told that to the worship group leader and he told her that she must give up the ministry if she stays with the boy. But a surprising thing happened - the boy belived in Christ. Well, that's fine for the boy, but not for the girl, I am afraid things got more difficult for her because of that. I still think that they should break up and stay alone for some time, both of them. What do you think about that? And who do you think should speak to her about it? I think that the best would be the leader of a worship group but still I feel a bit silly asking him to do that, he has a lot of his own work and ask him about things like that quite often - to talk to somebody from the group about something I find serious (e.g. being a member of church if somebody wants to stand in a ministry and so on).

    And one more thing... Do you speak about going out with somebody at your youth meetings? How do you speak about that? Do you have any advices how to present this topic to teenagers?:confused: I am a bit afraid that some of our teenagers might not be absolutely sure about this thing and I don't want them to fall into this Satan's trap...

    Thank you so much for all the comments
  2. I think if she makes a believer out of him, it's a beautiful thing. God loves all his children and rejoices when a lost soul is found.
  3. One thing I find terrible is to learn that there are still Disco's.
    I thought we got rid of all of them back in the 70's. :D

    Johana, I agree with you 100%, and most importantly so does the Word of God, that a person living a life contrary to biblical teachings should never be in a position of ministry.

    But when you say that these two are "going out" are you talking about innocent dating? Or have they started a physical relationship?

    I ask because I don't see any harm at all in "dating" a non-believer. Especially , if one of the dates was to attend a church!

    In my opinion, that is good evangelism. Not that a person should date someone specifically for that reason, but that dating is the time in a relationship when two people get to know one another, likes, dislikes, beliefs, habits, and often attitudes change during the dating process, even beliefs, if that is the will of God.

    If they are having physical relations, I would immediately remove her from any form of teaching within the church, not because she is with an unbeliever, but because she is not to be teaching such unbiblical behavior within the church at all.

    As far as who you should speak with, I would refer you to Matthew 18:15-17
    Begin privately with him/her.
    If that fails, go to the elders.
    If necessary, then to the Pastor.
    The church is designed to handle these things with love and in a way that will bring the person back into the flock. :)
  4. in my Church, and in our Christian organization, one of the rules before someone becomes a member (or becomes part of a ministry) is that He/She is not allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend until he/she finishes College and is able to find a job.

    does that girl in your Church have a spiritual parent (or someone who is accountable to her)? the person handling her should be the one to talk to her about that relationship
  5. Where are her parents in all of this???? What is their position???? If this action is being taken without them then this church/ministry is grossly over stepping it's bounds!!!!!

    And if you all think that fear mongering and judgmentalism is reaching the youth then your grossly mistaken.

    All that will be accomplish by the action you discribe is that this girl and the otheryouth at that church will hide their actions, for fear of problems and punishment.
    But now you punish her and reject him

    An what does that say to the world about the church??? More importantly about Christ????

    What should have been done was the boy welcomed and with the parents involved they should have been counceled about expectations and relationships

  6. the church has no right to tell a youth anything but the gospel.:eek:
  7. finishes college,or found work?i would certainly not go to that church.
  8. I don't agree, I believe that scripture teaches us that as an assembly of believers we are to teach collectively. Surely you wouldn't have any objections to the church body telling an individual to stop using drugs, or practicing sodomy or some other destructive behavior would you?
    Proverbs 22:6

    I don't see any evidence of fearmongering or judgmentalism listed in the previous posts, so I'm not sure what part you are referring to, but I did ask if the relationship (dating) was physical or just hanging out with one another.
    If two people are getting to know one another, That is fine.
    But if the relationship has become physical then it teaches the other members of the congregation (especially the younger members) that such unbiblical relationships are okay. If members who are willingly and knowingly sinning against God are in positions of teaching and ministry, they should immediately be removed so that it is clear that such behavior is in violation of scripture.

    If it hurts their feelings, that's a problem they will learn to cope with. This is a church, not a social club.

    I agree with you completely that the parents should be contacted first, but if they are not members of that church, or if they cannot see the sin in an unmarried physical relationship, then the church has an obligation to God, to take charge.

    If the organist and a Sunday school teacher were having an affair with one another, wouldn't it be proper that they both step down until they decide between serving Christ or serving their own sinful desires?
    You can't serve both. Matthew 6:24
    Membership in any church does come with certain responsibilities.

    That's good stewardship.
    I can see two things right off the bat that such a policy would insure.
    First, the members are members because they have a strong desire to serve, not just because it's a fun local place to hang out.

    And two, Both of the people would have learned to take responsibility for their own lives prior to taking responsibility for someone elses as well.

    I would think that the divorce rate in your church is extremely low.
  9. do unto others as you would have done to yourself.i certainly wouldn,t want the church to tell me when and who i can date,sorry this sort of stuff drives people away from God.:eek:
  10. I prefer do unto others as God would have us do.

    These arent my rules I'm talking about they are Gods. If two people have a problem with Gods mandates, then they have to come to terms with scripture.

    Contrary to the increasingly liberal views of our changing society, strict adherance to the Word of God actually attracts the faithful, it does not drive them away. :)

    But as I said before, I don't see anything in the bible that forbids two people of the opposite sex from dating, or experiencing things with one another. If it becomes physical outside of the bonds of marriage, then the bible clearly forbids it, and that is when I do think there needs to be correction.
  11. nope i do ten commandments,Christs new testament.everything else is your own prison cell.
  12. I see.

    You and I must have a very different understanding of the great commission. :)
  13. nope it,s quoted in revelation.
  14. Christ fullfilled the law,so to practise the law ,you deny Christ.:eek:
  15. the divorce rate is zero actually, and we have thousand of members

    yes, this sort of stuff drives people with no real passion for the lost away from God.

    i'm sorry smellycat, but God is looking for people who are in full submission to Him, listens and obeys his Word, and have their priorities straight.

    still, the best thing you can do when you're in a premature relationship is to personally ask God, but rarely does God tell you to keep such a relationship (trust me, I know)

    that rule sort-of filters out the passionate Christians from the passive ones.

    but you're welcome in our church anyway :)
  16. not really. if that were true, then I'd be denying Christ if I didn't work in the sabbath.

    when you practice Law above the realization of the grace of Christ, then that's when you're denying what He has done in the cross.

  17. Well, in our country "dating" and "going out" are thought about differently than in western world (I am from the Czech republic. On a map it is next to Germany, Poland, Slovakia and Austria). Going out always means something physical. It doesn't to be sex necessarily, but when you say you're going out with somebody, you have the most probably had something physical with him. Until quite recent days going out was understood as a preparation for a merriage, so if sbd was going out with sbd, they were supposed to merry each other and they really wanted to, otherwise it was not going out. Nowadays the meaning in the secular part of society is different and many people don't connect going out with a wedding, but in church it is still the same. You can go out ONLY with a person you are SURE you want to merry and you are sure GOD wants you to merry him/her :rolleyes: and this has to be true about both of the people.

    So when these young people were going with each other (beliver + unbeliver), the beliver was showing out that she WANTED to merry an unbeliver and although she knew it is wrong in God's eyes, she would IGNORE it :eek: .

    I hope the situation is more clear now, I am sorry that I didn't explain this at the begining...
  18. Well, the resposible one for her is probably the worship group leader.
    At the youth group we have got , let's say, a net of responsibilities for each other, but it works only with people who attend our youth meetings, so about 60 young people are OK in this. As a youth, we meet devided to groups according to our age (12 - 15, 15-18, 18-25) and then even these groups devide to smaller "groupies". Each of these "groupies" has mostly 2 leaders and between 3 and 15 members. The leaders of the groupies are accountable for their members, the leaders of each age cathegory are accountable for groupies leaders and leaders of the whole youth are account. for the leaders of each age catheg. But the problem is the girl doesn't attend the youth meetings. :confused:

    I do some weekend programmes for girls. It is rellying on God even in things like relationships and about going out. The whole programme is based on the presence of adult women from the local church who lead the discussions with small groups (2 -3 girls per group). So I lead the whole group and my responsibility is also the "care" for these spiritual mothers and motivatin them to develop the relationships with "her" 2 or 3 girs even after the end of the programme. But I cannot do anything else than meet them, speak to them and pray with them (the spiritual mothers). With some of them it works but some of them are encouraged by the programme but don't continue with the girls anymore. This is what I am very sorry about and what I pray for. But I can't actually do much.

    This girl went through the programme and the woman who cared for her there is one of those who leave the "girl ministry" after the programme...

  19. Matthew 7: 1-2
    Don't judge others, or you will be judged. You will be judged in the same way that you judge others, and the amount you give to others will be given to you.

    John 13:34
    I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other as I have loved you.

    Romans 14:13
    Let's stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

    Romans 14:19
    Let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.
  20. Thank you Bridgit. It is really something for me... But still, I want the best things for the girl. Sometimes I just start judging others that they do almost nothing about that situation and ignore their reposibilities. I must admit that it is so hard for me. But that is not any apologize and I am happy that God is changing me in this.

    Thanks for sharing these verses with me.

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